- 3 years ago
Background:<br />Met my boyfriend(now ex- but ill get to that!), two weeks before i moved to my hometown which is five hours away. I moved due to family issues and to pursue a degree at a different school. The connection was instant, but I wasn’t up for distance. He persuaded me and we fell in love. Visits were every month, either he came to me or I went to him. We were at the height of our relationship this past August(celebrated our 18 month anniv.), took a week long vacation together. We’d never been more in love. The day i got back to my hometown, I found texts between my mom and another man. My parents had been married 28 years so this was devastating. I confronted mom but she continued the affair until three weeks later when she asked for a divorce. Still my siblings had no idea about the affair, nor did my dad. So obviously this placed me under a lot of stress in addition to being a healthcare major in school. I felt like I was drowning and I reached out to him, but he had his own life out there. He had internships, school, etc. So I’d spend my nights upset when he’d be out and I couldn’t get ahold of him.
So a week after my parents announce their divorce, he ends it citing that with internships, school, etc. it was just too much. We tried no contact but after being “my person” for so long I couldn’t let go. So since that day, we’ve remained in contact. That was back in september! Never stopped” I love you” or anything.
Finally saw each other in December and he was ready to get back together, but i found out he’d slept with someone while we were apart. It ripped me to shreds because we’d still been saying I love you and I felt betrayed. So I said I needed time to deal with that before we get back into it.
Then I met someone, we talked for a bit, but ultimately, I couldn’t picture life without my “ex”. I ended it completely and then my ex called and wanted to see me so I felt like things were finally coming together.We finally saw each other this past weekend and things were great, wonderful, but still no talks of starting up again. My family loves him, he treats me like a queen. Knows all my ins and outs. I just feel defeated. Nine months of this and I feel like we’re in the same boat we were in September.
I thought that by continuing to talk, be romantic, etc. He would come to realize that the breakup was just circumstantial. Even now, He says the distance is just too much. I’m in school for one more year, but he graduated. So he could move here, but he chooses not to. I just feel so exhausted by this entire thing. It makes it hard to see us getting back together. He says he knows I’m the girl he will marry and he can’t imagine being with anyone else. He thinks it’ll happen naturally, but i think we need to work on it.
These nine months have taken a huge toll on me. There have been so many events/vacations that we were supposed to take, but now it’s just him and our friends. We had the same group of friends when I lived in that city. But now I am his “ex” and since I live away, i get dropped out of these vacations. And things like his graduation, which was insanely important to me, becomes intangible because once again, I am the “ex” so to his family, it’d be silly for me to attend.
At this point, as much as I love him, I feel like I can’t go one more minute. I’m thinking we need to go complete no contact for awhile. I can’t do this limbo anymore. I think I’ve been okay thus far, but it’s starting to become a comfort zone. We’re there, but not entirely. I am so ready to be in love again and have that person that I can’t imagine ever going a day without. Not this so-so relationship.
- This topic was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by confusedlittlebee123.