" I'm expecting twins and I feel like I ruined my Family"

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I feel awful if these twins ever grow up and find this article.. or someone tell them about it.. how AWFUL.. keep that stuff with your therapist.. how sad

Post # 4
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

If they can’t handle twins, they shouldn’t have implanted two embryos!

Post # 5
6958 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@mrs.stormylove:  If she felt this strongly about only wanting one more child AND still being able to care for her son in exactly the same way (she mentions bending over and laying on the floor with him- which she wouldn’t be able to do with ANY pregnancy) she should have adopted. This is just so much self-centeredness.

Post # 6
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Ugh, I cringed through the whole thing.

Post # 7
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@mrs.stormylove:  Ugh.

Problem #1: we still wanted another child – a sibling for our son, mind you, not so much for us.  Have kids because you and your spouse actually want them not because you want to provide a potential playmate for your other child.  There is nothing wrong with having one child and stopping.  I am an only and I loved it growing up because I was able to develop close relationships with both parents and benefit from all of their love, money, and support being lavished on a single child.

Problem #2: They transferred two embryos with the hope that one would take but I guarantee you the doctor told them that both might take.  At that point, if they didn’t want twins, they should have only gone for one embryo at a time.  It costs more money but it would have been more responsible.

In all honesty, it sounds like they liked the idea of another child but they never really considered the reality then it became a race to get pregnant to prove that they could get pregnant.  I am sure a lot of moms of twins feel exasperated at times but this mom sounds downright cold; she should have stopped at one.

Post # 8
4540 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Royalton White Sands


Post # 10
2193 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@mrs.stormylove:  I’m going to go against the grain as a pregnant woman who’s struggled with depression in my pregnancy (sounds like this woman is too) her feelings are valid and more women suffer durring pregnancy than one might think. i myself just found out we might have a rough road ahead of us baby health wise and it doesn’t make me feel any better. It can be hard to connect with a pregnancy. I wish this woman well, I am sure her and her husband will pull together as a family and make it work. In time she might see the beautiful thing ethe universe gave her. 

Post # 11
3589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

So many women can’t get pregnant at all.  That woman needs to shut up.

Post # 12
8678 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I don’t blame the woman for feeling this way, especially when things don’t work out the way you wanted them to. It’s common practice to implant two or more embryos because more often than not, one or more will fail. It just saves time and money for everybody.


Her feelings are real, her feelings are valid, and she is entitled to her feelings no matter how much you disagree with her. I feel badly for her… I’d be absolutely floored if I ever found out I was pregnant with twins. Twins are not for me, and they’re clearly not for her, either.

ETA: She couldn’t get pregnant naturally, hence she went through with IVF. Sure, not every woman can afford that. Pregnancies are generally a good thing, but if we’re going to use the argument, “Some women can’t even get pregnant!” then that means no one is allowed to complain. Can’t complain about food because some people don’t have food. Can’t complain about new houses because some people don’t have a house. Cost of gas? Some people don’t have cars! Mother annoying you? Some people don’t have mothers!

Just because somebody has a harship doesn’t mean other women aren’t allowed to complain, be afraid, or be unhappy when that same instance happens to them. Jesus christ.

Post # 14
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Really? They got IVF and expected to ONLY have one child? Did she not read up on it first? Look what happened to Jon & Kate + Eight.

Post # 15
3360 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011



It very well may just be her depression speaking (which it does sound like she’s dealing with), but the way she talks about their attempts to get pregnant makes it sound like they really didn’t want another child – rather, they felt like they should for the sake of their son.  I can’t say that’s a good reason to have a baby.


I hope they’re able to deal with these emotions and find joy in their children, but this is very sad.

Post # 16
1234 posts
Bumble bee

@MrsHoneyC:   This. First off, even without depression, not every mom connects with her pregnancy as soon as she hears about it. Some moms may have trouble connecting even after the baby is born. It doesn’t make them bad moms or mean they love their child any less. I know several people who got pregnant when they didn’t mean to- high school, in college, whatever, and they dreaded giving birth. Now every single one of those moms has a happy, healthy baby that they’re in love with. It makes me so sad that when we see someone struggling with a pregnancy, we say “You shouldn’t have kids! You’ll hate them and they’ll have a miserable childhood!” Instead of asking how we can help. Maybe more moms would get help for depression if they weren’t told having depression makes them a bad mom. Maybe fewer moms would feel like this if they felt like they had a support system with other women.


ETA: Yeah, I agree with PP who say that they probably tried to get pregnant for the wrong reasons, and I get that. A child should be brought into the world because the parents want it, not as a playmate for other children. And maybe letting them try to implant two embryos wasn’t smart, but a ton of people do it and don’t have twins. Twins is still a big shock and a hard thing to come to terms with. Even people I know with two kids would have freaked out if they had both at once.

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