Post # 1
Nothing is going right in my life now…work, family, career…Only a few things in my life that I was happy about, my fiance and that I found my MoH….until now.
Background, my MoH and I were friends since childhood — we lost contact for a few years then we reconnected. She agreed to be my BM and we started planning…then as time go by, I found that we really clicked and decided to make her my MoH.
My friend has financial difficulty, so I told her I’ll take care of her expense…I just want her, someone who truly feels happy for me, to stand next to me on my speical day.
Then, last night, her cousin ask her to be her BM…Even after my friend told her cousin she agreed to be my BM first. Her cousin used “family” as an excuse and my friend said she can’t say no to family.
Her cousin is getting marry Aug 2013 and my wedding is Sept 2013. My friend thinks the date are too close for her to handle…
I don’t know what to do!! My other BM is my sister (whom, never feels happy for me to begin with…) and my other close friend who’s living in Maryland now, she won’t show up at my wedding probably till the day of.
I’m soooo sad that I’m going to have a breakdown…I just want to cry…
Post # 3
If you’re paying for her expenses, I’m not sure I understand why she cannot be in both weddings.
Post # 4
@iMechie: i’m sure that she is in a tough situation where she doesn’t want to disappoint family. maybe her parents are on her about it too.
the weddings are not the same day and you have already agreed to take care of her financial responsibilities for your wedding. what more does she really have to do? are your expectations too much for showers, bachelorette, dress shopping, errands, etc too much for her.
if you really want her to be apart of your day, perhaps you can lighten her responsibilities to just pick a dress and show up.
Post # 5
is your wedding or her cousin’s a DW?
Post # 6
@Brielle: Maybe she feels like just physically she can’t commit to both as there mey be too much stuff required. Plus if she backed out…… You can’t make someone want to be your MOH.
Personally I wouldn’t see a problem. She is a BM in the other wedding so she really doesn’t have that much to do.
Post # 7
@mypinkshoes – I asked my friend to re-think and she said she would. I even told her I’m not expecting ANYONE to throw me parties or shower me with presents…I only want girls that care for me to be there, next to me on my wedding day. My BM that’s flying in from Maryland and my sister won’t be doing much…I pretty prep everything on my own already: from centerpieces to favors to invitations…
@housebee – What is DW?
Post # 8
By the way…my definition of MoH is the girl that I clicked with, feel closest to and the person really do care for me and my happiness. I don’t see MoH as the “planner”…
Post # 9
had no clue was DW was either then it clicked: destination wedding!
Post # 10
Oh, no, no destination wedding. Both will be in the same state and maybe 30min dirivng distance.
I’m really nervous…cause all the wedding planning had made us pretty close and I’m afraid our friendship will not be the same again if she dropped out…
(yea…I’m feeling hurt…really hurt…cause months ago I asked her several times to see if she can do it and she said she’s excited to be in my wedding party…and now…dropped the bomb like this…) Sniffle..sniffle…
Post # 11
@iMechie: Have you expressed to her how much it would mean to you to have her remain as MOH? Have you asked her if she has any other reservations about being in your wedding party besides the proximity of the Aug. 2013 wedding to yours, or is she just using that wedding as an excuse to back out of your wedding when there are other reasons? It seems if she really wanted to, she could work it out, so I don’t understand what the trouble is. She’s already committed to helping you and although family is family and I respect that, I also respect keeping one’s word. I hope she’ll reconsider. Maybe you can ask her what would it take to make her feel better about it. Maybe delegate bridal shower or bachelorette duties so she doesn’t feel so swamped by them? Things like that might make a difference for her.
Post # 12
@Cornflakegirl – Thanks~ She and I talked online last night (while we were both at work). I told her how much it would mean to me if she can be part of my wedding party…not as a guest. I told her I’ll take care of expense and her dress…She said she’ll re-think about it.
I don’t even expect to have bridal shower and bachelorette party — I told her I myself is pretty tight on cash due to the wedding and I don’t expect anyone to splurge $ for my sake. I just want to spend some quality and bonding time with people that cares for me.
I understand that not everyone will be excited for your wedding and I’m ok with it.
I have a feeling she’ll go with her cousin b/c of the “family first”….if she really does, it will bite so much knowing she’s backing out from a commitment and not honoring her words. sigh…
Feeling pretty depress now cause I planned so much…not for my wedding, but for the two of us to spend quality time together. T_T
Post # 13
Aww, I’m really sorry. That stinks. Do you have someone else you might be able to ask?
She may rethink it. I was a MOH and a bridemaid in two out of town wedding last summer that were only 4 weeks apart. It wasn’t too bad. I actually declined the MOH position because I was already in a wedding that summer and broke, broke, broke, but the bride guilted me into accepting. In the end I was broke, broke, broker, but I had a fun time. Maybe you can do the same thing? 🙂
Post # 14
@lawyerchick13: Thanks~ The girl just sent me a message over GMail and told me she rethink and can’t do it. She said spoke w/ her cousin and her work is just too busy (she’s working 2 jobs).
I offered to cover her expense so I don’t think it’s money issue – she just doesn’t want to do it.
I’m more upset at the fact that she couldn’t tell me in person or over the phone. (Yes, I’m pretty pissed at the fact she backed out of a promise…but I till would like to maintain friendship by giving each other some respect). I tried calling her but she said she needs to go to bed. I asked her to meet up for drinks or dinner after work or on weekends…and she’s busy everyday for 2 weeks in a row.
It’s scary how a person can change 180 — I mean…we were friends since middle school. She was the one who WANTED to be my BM…
I feel like she just ditched me because better things came along her way…
There are other girls that want to be my BM other then my sister and my long-distance friend but we are not close to begin with and knowing their personalities, that are totally unreliable…