Post # 1
I just got engaged to a wonderful person this week. I couldn’t be happier about whom I’m going to marry. We looked for months for engagement rings, and apparently I was a tough customer, because nothing really made me go “oohhhhhhhh.” We found one ring that I liked, but I hadn’t settled on it quite yet. A month or so went by, and I kept thinking, “I don’t like any other ring as much as I like that ring.” So that’s the ring he got. I don’t love it. There’s really nothing wrong with it, but I’m worried sick that I’ve just come to the realization that either I’m not a jewelry person (because I’m not in love with it) or I’m feeling so guilty about him spending that kind of money on something that just sits on my finger. In retrospect, I would have told him that I don’t need a ring, but I felt like it’s not official unless there’s a ring (which is silly). I’m just feeling sick about it though, like I want to cry. What do I do?? Or is there anything to be done? I just don’t want to feel like this. He’s a very understanding person, but I feel like I’ve messed up…
Post # 3
I think you can be honest and tell him that you are worried that it cost too much money, and that you would be happy with something more simple and less expensive. Be careful not to hurt his feelings though.
Post # 4
@OliviaStats:I’m confused, you picked a ring, he bought the ring and now you are upset? Why did you not pick a cheaper ring? Why would you be crying and you just got engaged? I think you are being overwhelmed with emotions, I think it will pass. He could afford the ring right?
Post # 5
As long as he can afford the ring and is happy to give it to you, I see no issue. I am a bit confused as well because you mentioned that you picked the ring in advance.
I was never a “jewelry person” either until I got engaged. I have a simple diamond round brilliant solitaire but someday will change up the setting.
Now that I see all the bees and their beautiful e rings, I find myself dreaming of a colored gemstone (maybe a yellow diamond or an aquamarine). Maybe someday as a right hand ring. =)
Post # 6
To begin with, I’m confused why you looked at expensive rings when there are less expensive alternatives out there? If having a ring was important to you, why not go with a simple band? Or a cubic zirconia or some other inexpensive gemstone?
Post # 7
I’m sorry you feel that way. 🙁 I can understand how you feel, since I definitely wouldn’t have felt good about my SO spending more than 3k on something that just sits on my finger. We’re spending 2k on my engagement ring and I’m getting a really fancy (codeword for expensive lol) setting but having a 1.5ct moissanite set in it instead of a diamond. A diamond of the same size and quality would have ran us 9k-11k! I’m really happy I saved the money and I got a beautiful ring I can really be proud of!
I’m really sorry you feel like he spent too much money on something you’re not thrilled about… How does your FI feel? Does he think he spent too much money? Is he happy with the ring? Since he bought it, if he loves it and it happy than you shouldn’t worry about it too much. It is possible you’re just not a jewelry person! While you may feel that it was too much money to spend, what’s done is done and as long as he’s not regretting it than I think you don’t need to feel upset. 🙂
If he is regretting it though, you could optionally take it back and get a less expensive gemstone or moissanite e-ring instead.
Post # 8
I completely understand how you feel b/c I felt the same way about my ring after I first was engaged. We actually designed the thing and it cost a lot, and then I wasn’t sure how I felt about it?!? I thought perhaps I was losing my mind.
Long story short, I now LOVE my ring and think it is the most beautiful ring in the world. I attribute my initial ambivalence to 2 things: 1. As Soladylike said, think I was overwhelmed with emotion and 2. I’ve never been a big jewelry person either and the ring is pretty enormous and unlike anything I’ve ever worn before.
I would just relax and let the joy and excitement of the engagement settle in and keep your reservations to yourself. Unless you chose a ring that your FI really can’t afford and that’s what’s making you feel guilty, I think you’ll find that you are truly ecstatic about it once you get used to everything.
Post # 9
I also felt a bit guilty after we first got engaged. I’ve talked to a bunch of people about it and googled it and read some articles. It seems to be fairly common. You’re not alone.
Post # 10
Thank you all for the replies, and I’m feeling better because of them. I think Soladylike is right (and Isvogel) – maybe I just feel overwhelmed and it’s steering me into negative territory. The ring was not outrageously expensive, and he definitely could afford it and he doesn’t feel bad about it at all – but my frugal brain tells me “you could’ve put that money down toward a house!!!” I think I’ll feel better once everything settles in. Thank you again.
Post # 11
@lsvogel: thank you so much. i feel better and i’m sure i’ll grow to love it like you did yours.
Post # 12
@OliviaStats:Once you relax into marriage you won’t think much about the ring. I think this is the case if you spend 2k or 20k. Appreciate your FI and this special time in your life. After being a good wife to him over a lifetime you would have earned that ring a million times over…lol. Enjoy.