- 4 years ago
We’ve been together for about a year and while we’re not engaged, we’ve talked in the past about rings and about us wanting children within the next 5 years and the fact that we both want to be married for at least a couple of years before children…and yet, right now I can feel our relationship falling apart.
We met while working as entertainers on a cruise ship and although neither of us expected our relationship to continue after i finished my contract and left him on the ship, we both found that we couldn’t just let it go and ended up staying together. We met in May, began a relationship within weeks and I left him on the ship in september. He then stayed on the ship for a further 2 months during which we stayed in touch by email (because our schedules were total opposites and he couldn’t use a phone on the ships). During this time, instead of distance, we felt so close. We talked about everything and realised that if we gave up just because we weren’t immediately together we’d be doing each other a huge disservice. So we stayed together and then just before he finished his contract on the ship I was offered 4 months contract in a hotel in the Mediterranean.
He visited twice for 2 weeks while I was in the med and we fell deeply in love. I had met his family and loved them and we got on incredibly. He met my family when i returned home to the UK in February the loved him (maybe more than me!) and we both decided that instead of being separated again he would move to my city 2 weeks later and we’d live in my flat. My parents, and his were thrilled and have given us such huge support.
Despite the fact that he knew no one in my city and that we’d both have to find new jobs we were so excited to get to spend our time together – I didn’t for a second doubt our choice to move in together. We both found jobs quickly – I returned back to sing in my wedding band and have been gigging every weekend, and I also got a job as a bridal consultant in a weddiing dress shop, but although the job is great the kicker is that it’s rock bottom minimum wage. I love the brides and the actual job but the boss is an emotional roller coaster and to make enough money to make ends meet I’m working all the hours I can. I’ve also taken on a small third job as a mystery shopper tmeets e some extra money so I’m now working upwards of 65 hours per week over 6 days.
He got a job as a travel agent selling the cruises he used to perform on but missed performing so much he found a new job as an actor at a popular tourist attraction in my hometown. He loves it but again, this job is almost minimum wage so he’s having to work 5 days there and the other 2 days a week at the travel agents. Between us we work 5 jobs, hardly ever see each other and can barely afford to pay the mortgage.
At first I was paying all of our bills because I already had 3 jobs in place and he only had part time hours at the travel agents but later confessed that he’d blown his half of the mortgage playing online bingo. He had burst into tears and confessed to gambling the money because he just wanted us to have some money so he could take me away for a weekend. I was gutted to be working so hard and paying both of our bills when he, albeit for misguided but lovely reasons, gambled our money away.
Since then we have agreed on our shared budgeting and he now pays his part of the mortgage but the fact is that we never see each other. I’m so exhausted that our sex life has taken a huge nose dive. He’s started commenting on the fact and I know it bothers him but Im struggling to find a sense of intimacy now that we live together but never actually have quality time. We’ve been living together for 4 months now and we’ve had just 1 Date night due to expense and the fact that 1 or both of us would have to work the next day.
i found myself looking at him last night and feeling dread. I all of a sudden realised that right now, I am not in love with him. I can’t see myself being with him forever and it’s not because he’s not a great guy – we just don’t have any magic anymore. The thought of breaking up with him is petrifying me – our families have supported us so much, and he’s moved across the country to be with me. How do I throw that back at him, and them?
another part of me thinks that I owe it to us to stick it out and find a way to bring the magic back. I’m pretty sure though that he feels somewhat the same.
Sorry this is so long and garbled, I just needed to get this all out. Please ladies, if you have any words of wisdom, advice or thoughts, I’d love to hear them – I just feel so lost and confused.
thanks so much for reading.