- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
Hi ladies, I just created this account to rant a bit…
On top of planning a wedding overseas, I’m dealing with how to cope with my parents who don’t get along. My dad has been chronically ill for a long time, and for at least a decade my mother has been by his side supporting him. He was always a hyper person to begin with, but over the years the drugs/stress have really affected his mental status to the point that it is impossible to deal with him.
The last year when he came to visit me it was a nightmare: he was verbally abusive to my mother, to the point where she would not talk when he was around (when she is on her own she is a very talkative and fun person). He would drink a significant amount of alcohol and keep pressing for more; it was about 3 to 4 glasses a day, but he is diabetic and is on a lot of medications/pain killers for many other health issues. He actually had the nerve to take a beer from my fridge, open it and walk outside my apartment, yelling at me that I was his kid and I have no right to stop him from “washing down his medications with a beer” if he wants. He decided to take a road trip by himself, and got very distracted and decided to sleep on the side of the road instead of the hotel, so I kept freaking out that he wasn’t at the hotel when I called. He is also very inconsiderate of people’s time, expecting them to wait an extra hour or two for him. His grasp of spending is nonexsistant – my mom told me he ran up a credit card bill of nearly $50,000. There is a long list of the things he has said and done which makes him a very negative and difficult person to be around. It’s like he holds people hostage by his actions, and there is nothing anyone can do.
Shortly after that trip he started getting treated for being bipolar, so while his concentration is a little better he has been told that he is still showing signs of someone with brain damage – but they won’t know for sure until he stops mixing alcohol and pain medication. Recently his judgement has been a little scary, as he’ll drive when he probably shouldn’t. Also despite being treated for being bipolar, he still managed to run another credit card up to $5,000 within one month ($500 of which was spent at Bevmo). Again, he is impossible to reason with, as anything I say he disregards as I am the “child” (nevermind I’m pushing 30!).
I can’t help but to feel for my mother, who has to live with this everyday and take this abuse. I think she realizes she needs to get out for herself, but she is still trying to exhaust making the marriage work. She told him he needed to go to rehab or get a divorce, and he said he would get clean on his own yet about two weeks later my mother found him at 7am with a beer in hand.
I will always love my dad, but he has burned me out and I no longer respect him. I have helped him over the last decade fight all his illnesses, but he refuses to get real help for himself and doesn’t think he has a problem. My mom doesn’t want to travel with him again, so I don’t know how that will work out for my wedding.
There is a part of me that really does not want him to come to my wedding. For once I just want to be selfish and have a happy day without his drama. My mom wants me to come home and work things out with him, but he hasn’t listened to me before and I don’t think he will now. He just says whatever to get what he wants, and then does whatever afterwards. I think my mom wants me to come home and reinforce what she is saying to him, although I don’t see him becoming a different person.
I’m just angry that because of his addictions I can’t be selfish for once. I know if I tell him he can’t come until he cleans up his act, then I also forfit any money from my parents towards the wedding, which I could greatly use (and they’ve helped my sister out a lot finacially, I’m asking for about 1/4 of what they gave to her). I’m just so hurt by my dad’s selfish actions and how he walks over other people.