Post # 1
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
I’ve been feeling really disconnected from my group of girlfriends lately and it’s really getting me down. Out of my four best friends, one has an infant and one is pregnant. So they obviously don’t have time to hang out as much, and that’s understandable.
But the other two friends, who are my bridesmaids, don’t have families (one is single, one has a boyfriend) and I feel totally disconnected from them too.
I try not to talk about the wedding too much, but they ARE my bridesmaids and I do have to bring it up sometimes. Every time I bring it up or ask them a question, their eyes just glaze over. I don’t think I’m asking too much of them, really. Basically, all they have to do is buy a dress and show up. But I’d like their advice and feedback sometimes, y’know?
Those two have been hanging out together without me a lot. I can tell by their Facebook statuses. That’s fine; they don’t have to include me in everything. I used to hang out with one of them or the other at some time and I don’t need to be invited every single time. But neither one of them seems to have time for me at all anymore – even when I email them, I get short, one or two word responses. I’m 99% positive that I didn’t do anything to offend them, and if I did, I’d hope that we’re close enough that they’d TELL me instead of just cutting me out. We’re all in our 30’s, for chrissakes, we’re not teenagers.
I know deep down that it’s probably nothing, and that they’re most likely gravitating towards each other so much because they’re both single and like to go out drinking more than I do. Logically, I know that I shouldn’t really be hurt. But I can’t help it. I am hurt. I’m not devastated. But it bothers me.
Did you guys ever feel disconnected from your friends during wedding planning?
Post # 3
Yes, I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes people forget that, even though you are a Bride, you’re still you. I even make sure to keep up on their lives too, but some people will be jealous anyway.
Post # 4
I’ve definitely felt this way several times before. I tend to be one of those people who doesn’t initiate a lot of activities with friends, because if I want to do something (see a movie, shop, go out) I just do it, not find someone to do it with me.
Anyways, things like this can ebb and flow. There is probably something behind it, as you mentioned, but it is probably nothing serious or long term. Probably the best way to jump start things is to just plan to go out with them, and then not bring up wedding anything.
Post # 5
I’m so sorry that you’re feeling so disconnected and I totally sympathize! I was a BM in my BF’s wedding about 8 years ago and plan to ask her to be a BM in mine. We’ve stayed very close over the years. She has two kids now, so her life is very different from mine, and that’s totally fine. But I’m disappointed that aside from her initial congratulations, she hasn’t been super excited for me. Not only that, but she isn’t great at returning my emails lately, even though I can see she’s on Facebook a lot. So I’m feeling a similar disconnect.
No real advice for you, but wanted to let you know that you’re not alone 🙂 Good luck!
Post # 6
In a word, YEP. I’m engaged and most of my friends are not just not engaged or married… but are actually single and still doing the bar scene. I just feel like we don’t have that much in common I guess. They’re going out drinking and partying and crazyness… we’re planning a wedding and just bought a house and we’re more interested in hanging in. It sucks… but it kind of makes me think I need to make some more friends. Not that I don’t love my current friends… I hope we can hang in there and maintain a relationship until our lives are more similar. But in the meantime I think I need to make an effort to seek out people whose lives are a little more similar to me.
Post # 7
I absolutely understand what you are feeling right now. I am going through a similar situation where one of my friends (and she’s a BM) has gotten closer to a couple of my other girlfriends who were in an entire different group, pretty much I introduced all of them and they met through me. Granted I live 2 1/2 away from them and they live within an hour of each other but completely bothers me when I see FB messages and status updated and them hanging out all the time without me– it almost seems like they’re trying to flaunt their new friendship in my face (which I know they’re not, I’m just being silly) but I understand how you are feeling.
Do you think you should bring it up or do you think they’d think you were just being insecure and jealous?? That’s why I haven’t brought it up. I am getting a little worried now that when they are all together they are talking about me… probably just my own insecurities but definitely kinda hurts.
This high school BS drama never goes away no matter how old you are huh?
Sorry you are feeling disconnected and hurt 🙁
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2010 - Ladder 15 Restaurant
That’s tough, especially since they are your bridesmaids!! Hello? They signed up to support you on your biggest day! Unfortunately some people get jealous, and that might be their case.
Post # 9
Yea I’ve heard a lot of times single friends will distance themselves, partly because soon you’ll be married & won’t have as much time for them. It sucks thou, & yea I’m kinda experiencing it myself. I’ve had some friends get married, then never see them again… so maybe they’re preparring for that?
Maybe ask them if they can go for a girls night & what days work for them & then don’t say ANYTHING about the wedding that night & if they bring anything up wedding stuff, just answer it & then change the subject. That may help connect more :).
Post # 10
- Wedding: October 2010 - Ladder 15 Restaurant
I don’t know if I agree that you should censor your wedding thoughts in front of your friends! I mean, it’s one thing if you talk about it constantly, but these girls are your friends and really should support you no matter what you’re going through! It sounds like you don’t bring it up all of the time, so they really don’t have any excuse for their behavior.
It’s unfortunate if you find that you can’t share your wedding at all with them. I’d say have a heart to heart with them if you feel that it’s important enough to have them share in your planning and your day. Good luck!
Post # 11
Hey Dandelphia, I feel your pain. I definitely saw some of my single friends distance themselves from me shortly before I got engaged and now I’m not even invited to the Saturday Night outings anymore (which is actually fine b/c I wouldn’t go – it’s girls on the prowl going to bars, etc. which isn’t really appropriate for me anymore). We still do things together like go to dinner, go shopping, book club, etc. it’s just different and definitely less overall interaction. I’m clearly not part of their worlds like I was before, but I think it’s sort of a defense mechanism on their part, they don’t want to feel bad about being single by knowing too much about how happy I am.
I actually see my distance as a blessing. I didn’t have to do any of the distancing, so there are no hurt feelings on their part but at the same time it’s shifted itself to a more appropriate overall relationship with my girlfriends.
Seeing the FB posts about a fun night out I wasn’t invited to does hurt no matter what though, there’s no getting around that. I don’t know why people do that, it’s like they’re trying to make everyone jealous of THEIR lives for a change or something. I intentionally never post anything about going out anywhere b/c I don’t want to make anyone feel bad. I don’t think FB is the right place for it..
Post # 12
Wow thought I was the only one getting the boot from friends, even my own sister. Its crazy how people act when you are planning for the most important day of your life. Its hard for me to accept it because I personally would never treat a friend or my sister like that but unfortunately every one is different. It hurts but there is nothing we can do about it, we cant force people to be happy for us, we can only be happy for ourselves