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At least you know they aren't coming
I am just blown away from the brides on many sites complaining about lack of RSVP responses... that is just so dang rude.
I am nervous over my daughter sending them out.... just so disappointing for all the planning that goes into any size event.
At least they told you in advance. Some family told us on Wednesday (3 days before our wedding) that they suddenly weren't coming to our wedding b/c they decided to go on an impromptu wedding. No card, nothing. Thanks for the heads up...not that we already didn't buy dinner for the 4 of you, right? I should mention that this particular lady called to add her teenage children to her RSVP and we let her. 3 days notice. WTF.
I'm a planner just like you. I also think there's a tactful way to decline an RSVP that doesn't compare your wedding to something in their family. I mean, they coudla just said it was bad timing, or say that they already had bought their tickets (first come first serve, right?). We got a lot of tactless, emotionless responses. If you don't want to come, just say it's bad timing! Why people feel obligated to give a comparative response (i can't go because of X, Y, and Z) is beyond me. Not to mention, to not follow up with a congratulatory card (read: not gift, just a card of congrats) is sorta sucky too.
Anyways, I feel ya. I had to chase people down, too and finally I decided that if they hadn't RSVP'd, they weren't on the list, and they would be turned away at the door. I mean, if they don't have an escort card, what do they think?!
Wow, I would be annoyed if I were so close to the wedding and I was still chasing down RSVPs!! What's wroong with people?!
It is annoying that people aren't able to make it because of vacations. I know I was totally annoyed because there was one couple that my MIL insisted on inviting. She made a huge deal about including them and threw a hissy fit when they weren't on our lists. Eventually, we added them to the list...but then wouldn't you know it? They RSVPed no and said they were going to be out of state on vacation! Apparently, my MIL knew the whole time that they wouldn't be there--but she never told me! So annoying!!
Wow...3 days after RSVP-ing yes...that is pretty bad.
I'm just frustrated b/c some of these are really close friends. It's just weird. Some people have declined by calling/emailing long heartfelt apologies. Some just seem flat cold. And some people that we never, ever thought would be able to have been like, "I'll be there with bells on." It's just so weird. I think I'm extra sensitive about it b/c of how bizarre my MOH is acting. Wouldn't you at least apologize if you were the MOH and missing the rehearsal and most of the RD? Or the very least not call up the bride and tell her it's her fault for holding the rehearsal too early (it's at 4:30PM BTW)? Sorry, I need to get over it but I just can't entirely let it go...not crying or losing sleep over it anymore though.
Anyway...I'm also annoyed that I'm having to call 2-3 times and send several emails and still not getting responses also.
BTW, I agree with the no RSVP, no dinner thing. *But* at my sister's wedding friends of my parents never responded and then showed up. They actually said something rude about not having an escort card there. My mom is too nice and she scrambled something up for them last minute. But yeesh!
Actually it was 3 days TIL the wedding, and they'd already RSVP'd a month before.
Some of this was family to us...family that we were told we must invite, etc etc, and some we were actually close enough to render offense. It's one thing to rsvp no and be like "i'm sorry blah blah blah"...people are funny I guess =]. It sucks that the MOH is missing the rehearsal and dinner...our best man missed the rehearsal for work and my aunt and her boyfriend arrived at our rehearsal dinner as dessert was being served. First her plane was late (ok i get that), but then she INSISTED she HAD to go shower and freshen up. Dude, if you're already late, why be MORE late. I thought it was super rude and mom thought no big deal. Right. I don't see why a 2 hour plane ride required a shower and a full outfit change for this. 430pm is not too early for a rehearsal! Shoot ours was at 11am, so at least I could see the BM not getting off work. but 430?! eesh. I feel like when you committ as a member of the bridal party, you commit.
I say stop wasting your time. Obviously those people are rude enough to ignore your phone calls about rsvp'ing.
You'll have people rsvp yes, never tell you, then not show up. So those people who didn't rsvp but show up should be ok. But, at our location, there was no table for the escort cards. What happened is we put the escort cards on the favors then put them on the appropriate tables. We handed the door greeter (our DOC) an aphabetical list of who RSVP'd and what table they'd be at. Not super efficient, but it was more like a restaurant style set up. I told her that if somebody showed up NOT on that list, they had to wait to see if there was a free table b/c that meant they DIDN"T rsvp like they should have.
People are so dumb about this. I mean, if you don't make a reservation for a restaurant, and you just show up for dinner, you have no right to be pissy if you can't get a table til 930pm.
ejs, I totally agree. I suspect that the type of people who showed up at my sister's reception (not even ceremony) without RSVP-ing are the same types who selected "Indian vegetarian" and will be expecting tandoori chicken! It's not an Indian wedding people, get over it! My FI is pasty with freckles and an Irish last name. And even the Indian weddings I've been to need you to RSVP so they can have a table count (in India people eat standing up at most weddings, but not in the US).
Fiziksgirl, just keep in mind....perhaps some had the vacation planned (and maybe even paid for) prior to receiving the invite to your wedding. And in this economy, you have to realize that attending (especially if travel is involved) could place a financial burden on certain people. I am disappointed that some people aren't going to be able to make it to my wedding also, but just as I want people to be sensitive to my needs, I have to be sensitive to theirs as well. Don't let it ruin your day! :) As far as the other people who don't RSVP and then show up, or those who do RSVP and then cancel 3 days before - how rude!
Well, I know in all of the cases that the vacation was planned long after learning about my wedding. I do understand that it's their time and money...it's just the way of handling it. And if it was planned in advance, then why haven't they responded two weeks after the RSVP deadline? I want to be sensitive, but I helped MOH plan the vacation she's taking the week after my wedding, and I don't think it's fair that she's now backing out of her commitment to me b/c of it.
I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I guess it happens to most weddings (not the MOH part), but guests changing their mind or not telling you about it. We had 15 people not show up that had said that they'd be there. I also had to chase after my friends to RSVP, they would all say "well you know I'll be there". Just because they are a friend doesn't give them an exception to the rule. We still had to give a head count. Its amazing how people take all this planning for granted, while we, brides, work to make things perfect for them.
I take it your MOH is still not going to make it to your RD .. I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you'll get it resolved, at least after the wedding.
Gosh I hear ya. I think I'm kind of like you. Yougo out of your way to go to bat for your friends, but feel like they don't show you the same courtesy. It's easy to get down, and feel like, "Gee, do I not mean as much to them as they mean to me?" And I think there are a lot of threads along these lines on here.
Unfortunately, I've just learned to let it go. People have different personalities. I don't think that their actions necessarily indicate that they don't care about you. But maybe they have a personality flaw about being absent minded ("Oops, I forgot about the RD when I planned my vaca...") or too self indulgent ("I can't resist such a good deal to Cancun. Fizicsgrl wil understand.") or just a little selfish ("Oh, she'll get over it. How unhappy could she be? She's getting married.")
I've looked back on friendships and realize I have some flaws too. (Some, but not all, I've outgrown.) I'll think back to being younger and think, boy that must have been annoying for my friends. Or I could see if she thought I was a jerk that time.
I guess I'm trying to say, sometimes people don't realize when they are hurting someone else's feelings. I totally feel for you, but don't let it ruin your friendships :)
Tanya, that's a good perspective. I'm trying, really, to have that. And for the most part I do except for my MOH (b/c there are just too many things going on there, I don't think I can ever see her the same way again). But for everyone else, it doesn't mean I don't get that tinge of hurt when it happens...which is why I heart WeddingBee so much :) You guys are always so willing to listen to irrational sleep-deprivation fueled rants.
I know... Your MOH agreed to certain things when she signed up to be MOH. I hear ya. (Hugs.)
I suppose a MOH or BM agree to certain things, but on the flip side, I see a lot of narcissitic brides on this site (not you!), and in real life too, who feel that their bridal party has signed up to be a slave for the year prior to the wedding.
A wedding is just another day if you get right down to it. It's not a life changing event for anyone but the bride and groom. It shouldn't require other people to drop everything in their lives to be part of your day. And it certainly (especially in this economy) shouldn't put them under undue financial stress. The only important thing is that the bride and the groom are there.
To me, a wedding is just a big party that the bride and groom are hosting, and so many are awful hosts (selfish, demanding, huge sense of entitlement, etc). If you invited someone to a housewarming party and they decided to go on vacation instead, would your feelings be hurt? Same difference. I'm sure they're extremely happy for you, and wish you the best, but feel that their presence is not required at the wedding because, in all honesty, you hardly talk to the bride and groom in any event.
Fizicsgirl, I hear you! I love my dad's family and we hardly ever see each other. Both of my dad's parents died in the last year and a half so it brought us all closer, but now my aunts and uncles on dad's side aren't coming, and it's sad, I wanted to share the day with them! One aunt/uncle already had a European vacation paid for a year in advance and tried to back out, but couldn't get the money back, and I felt honored by that. But then my dad's sister AFTER she got the save the date decided that the ONLY good elder hostel trips this summer conflicted with my wedding, so she's doing that instead.
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This is just a vent...
I know people get limited vacation and they have every right to do their own thing. But I just got another along these lines from someone who's really important to both of us. He lives in Europe, so it's not as big of a deal since our wedding would be a much bigger trip than his vacation. But I have plenty of others (incl. my MOH who's skipping the rehearsal) who are saying similar things. I don't know...I've always made every effort to share people's days with them, incl. saving up money and vacation time when both were in short supply. It just feels like people flat out telling you that you don't matter to them as much as a tan does. Maybe that's unfair of me, but that's how I feel.
And not to mention how ridiculous it is that I'm *still* chasing people around trying to get RSVP's 12 days before the wedding (actually 11 b/c we have an event on Friday also)...
Ugh...vent!