Post # 1
I guess I’m writing this just to vent. I have a hard time talking about these things so I really don’t know how to say any of this to my fiance. I don’t know if it would help either. I just need to get it out I guess.
I’m having a really hard time coping with the tragedy in Connecticut. I live states away from there and didn’t know any of the families personally, but just thinking about what happened turns me into a ball of tears. Those poor kids faces keep flashing through my mind and haunting me. They are haunting my dreams. I don’t know if haunting is the right word because it isn’t a BAD thing to think about them, but it is really depressing. I feel like these kids need to be remembered forever. I know their families are forever impacted by this, but when things like this happen, and it starts to settle down after a few weeks, those not directly affected go back to life as usual. I’m having a hard time doing that because even though I don’t know any of them personally, I still grieve heavily for them and want them to be remembered by everyone FOREVER.
I’m also usually SUPER excited at Christmas time. I turn into a little kid. Everyone who knows me knows that I start my Christmas countdown beginning in August. But after last Friday, I am just not excited anymore. I can’t be excited about receiving gifts (even though a lot of thought was put into them) when there are so many families that are going through a horrible time right now.
I just don’t know what to do about this. I pray. All the time. Whenever I start to tear up I say a prayer for the families of all the victims and the family of the shooter, because I know it isn’t easy for them either. But I am still so brought down by this. I’ve never been affected by anything in my life as much as this. I’ve never wanted kids. Ever. But after this happened, I thought for just a few moments that there was nothing I wanted more than to have the love of a child. But then I thought about the horrible condition of this world and I wonder if it’s a place I want to bring someone so innocent into. It’s bad now and I am dreading what it will be like in 10, 20, 30 years. I know I shouldn’t think like that, but I kind of feel like I’m supposed to think about things like that; things that could impact another little life.
I don’t know. Sorry it’s long. I just had to get it out somewhere.
Post # 3
I understand. I’m going through the same exact thing. I’ve been in a crappy mood since Friday. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve been taking it out on everyone. I have 2 kids, ages 6 and 10, and they are all I keep thinking about, they are only with me 50% of the time too. SO and I have been fighting since yesterday about stupid stuff.
Post # 4
Try and think positive and know that those little kids are safe now. It’s a terrible thing that happened but they wouldn’t want to see you mourning them, they would all want you to be happy and enjoy this christmas because they can’t. They will all be remembered just like the 9/11 victims, columbine victims, etc. Hugs to you!
Post # 5
@Madi.So.Excited: *HUGS* It’s especially hard this time of year to think about something so tragic.
Post # 6
Op I feel the same way, for me I think a lot of it has to do with I have a child now. He is only 15 months but still. Every little bit more information hear about those children makes me cry myself
Post # 7
This is very common, from the ladies that I work with. Everybody is just dumbstruck. Keep doing what you’re doing, see if there is anyway to get involved (coordinate a fundraiser/scholarship fund, etc) and try your best to get in the christmas spirit. Maybe make some cookies and give them to neighbors with kids. If anything, this has taught us not to take kids for granted….
I hope you feel better soon. 🙁
ps. I am the opposite. I have been practically stalking all info on Adam trying to figure out how this happened and haven’t cried yet. Not one tear. I think it’s my denial that it didn’t really happen until I figure out how/why he did it. I too am not really feeling christmas this year.
Post # 8
First of all, I just want to hug you. Then I want to say that I, too, have had similar feelings – and I’m not even in the US. One of the little girls looks so much like my niece it shocked me to my core.
I’m going to go all Dr. Phil on you (literally) and tell you what he said to the parents of some of the surviving children: the length and breadth of your grief (ie. how long / “hard” you grieve”) is in no way tied to the depth of your emotions regarding the deceased. That means, whether you grieve for two days or two milleniums means nothing, really – it’s no reflection on how much you care about the deceased, their family, etc.
So I guess I’m just trying to say that what I think might be happening is that you feel like you should feel badly for going on with your life, and you shouldn’t. It’s so so sad and so terrible that it happened, but life has to go on. And believe it or not, it will go on for the parents of the children, teachers, principal, guidance counsellor, and even for the family of the shooter. You do no one any good by trying to stop life – it’s just impossible.
Hang in there. Feel sad when you need to, but please don’t let it consume you.
Post # 9
Big hugs to you! I’m so sorry. It breaks my heart to think about it so I’ve chosen to not watch any of the media coverage on it. It’s just too much to see their faces and think about it all. That has been helping me.
If you are religious just remember while their deaths were tragic…they are in a much better place. That has also helped me.
Post # 10
Awe. I had a hard time with it, too. It feels weird, because like you said, I live states away and don’t actually know anyone who was involved. It is just so gut wrenchingly sad. I went into my school’s kindergarten classroom to speak with the teacher earlier this week and just about cried. I just can’t imagine how anyone could walk into a room of children like that and… So sad.
Post # 11
@Madi.So.Excited: ((HUGS)) Oh, hon, I’ve been feeling the same way. It’s the most horrible thing I’ve ever heard in my life. I’ve cried about it every single day since it happened and have watched and read everything possible for more news. I also have no personal connection to anyone in CT or involved in the tragedy. In fact, I think my DH is getting a little concerned that I’m taking it so hard.
You’re not alone in how you’re feeling. We are all in this world and in this country together. It hurts so very, very much to think that precious, innocent, harmless women and children could lose their lives like that. There is no way to make any sense of it. It takes away a sense of safety almost anywhere. If it could happen there, to those people, no kind of violence is off limits any more.
I felt the same way after the 9/11 tragedy and Waco and the Unibomber incident. But this one is even worse. It’s senseless and horrific. It will take a long time for us to heal as a nation and even longer for the families to heal, if they ever do completely. So many lives destroyed and so many lives touched by this.
I keep feeling like it’s not possible that it even happened, like screaming in my mind, “No, No, No that did not happen, it couldn’t have!” I usually feel that way the very first moment I wake up in the morning.
Crying with you here.
Post # 12
My mom and I were talking about this. We’re kinda in the same boat. I keep seeing little kids running around at the stores and I get extremely sad. I have a younger sister and I think that’s why the two of us keep feeling that way.
Post # 13
- Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House
Its okay to be sad. But if it starts affecting your life negatively and turns into depression, make sure you talk to a councellor or your doctor.
Post # 14
I feel the same way. I’ve cried so many times about it. And I feel guilty about even thinking about enjoying Christmas. I do find solace in watching the interviews with the parents because they all seem very pulled together and calm. If THEY can be calm on TV, then I feel like I can be calm.
Post # 15
Thank you for all the nice words and thoughts. When a child dies it’s horrible no matter how it happened, but for them to have been gunned down (with multiple gunshot wounds from what I’ve read), is hard to digest for me. Life will go on for me and for their parents, and I truly believe that they are in a better place now. I pray every day that their parents remember that this pain is only temporary and that they will be reuinted with their babies one day.
@californiaraisin: I think you hit the nail on the head by saying I feel bad for moving on. I will move on, as will the parents, but I guess it makes me feel bad that I can and those kids can’t. Anyway though, thank you for your words. They really did help.
Post # 16
I know its really hard. I had to stop watching the news and reading all the stories from the parents cus it just made me cry. But I have to say – you say you pray – so if you are a christian then you should take comfort in knowing they are in heaven away from all suffering and they get to spend christmas with the God of the universe. I mean you just gotta think of all things they were spared from and not about what they lost out on. The families are the ones that were really hurt long term. Those kids don’t know what they’ve missed out on – all they know now is the immense beauty of heaven. I pray for the families and the parents and the children left behind. Their healing time is no doubt going to be a long one and i pray those kids left behind get the help they need to move on. Death is a difficult concept for kids at that age – let alone seeing your friends die in front of your very eyes.
My advice – stay away from the media – it only sucks you in more. Just try to move on. The families need time to heal and I actually feel bad for them being in the media spotlight like this during such a difficult time.