I'm having an emotional affair and he wants more (includes a sample text)

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

If you’re unhappy in your marriage, leave it. Unhappiness is no excuse to look for love outside a relationship that has promised to be exclusive.

Post # 3
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Also, when someone shows you who they really are, believe them. He has flat out told you his intentions are not honorable. What more proof do you need that no good can come of this?

Post # 4
Member
703 posts
Busy bee

 

sadundercoverbee:  you’re looking for an excuse to leave your marraige which is why affairs start. If you were genuinely happy in your marraige you wouldn’t be in this situation. This is less about the man you’re attracted too and more about the marraige you are in.

Leave your marraige, not for this other person but to be fair to yourself and your husband.

Post # 5
Member
8025 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

You need to cease all contact and flirty behavior NOW, delete all the evidence and spend as little time with him as possible. Stop this now and work on your marriage before you destroy it.

Post # 6
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

In my opinion, and I’m not judging you at all, we all make mistakes, but in my opinion you should try EVERYTHING in your power to fix your marriage before you give up on it. Give it your 100% best shot and then if it still isn’t working, THEN think about ending It. It is absolutely normal in long term relationships to fall in and out of love. People give up without giving it their all. Relationships have to be fed. Go on dates. Try to remember the time when it was your husband who gave you butterflies and made your heart pound right before seeing him. He’s still that guy. there were reasons why you fell in love with him. Try to focus on those. Try to be the girl HE fell in love with. Just try. If you give up or cheat no, you may never forgive yourself. You owe it to yourself to try. 

Post # 7
Member
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

sadundercoverbee:  do you mind me asking what you said in reply to his text or have you not replied. at first I wasn’t sure I would qualify having drinks and flirting as an emotional affair- dangerous yes. Yes you have acted in appropriately, you neeed to decide if you truly want to be with your husband- regardless of whether or not you want to be with this man.

i was in a similar position, had flirted in appropriately with a colleague, told my partner and we have worked through our issues. You really need to talk to your partner x

Post # 8
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

The point of marrying someone is to promise to that person that when the going gets tough, you will still be there giving it all you got. Not jumping ship when it gets hard. No relationships are perfect, but unless your husband abuses you in some way, it’s worth trying to salvage. YOU have to start Making the effort and hopefully he will follow suite, but let it start with you. Cut this other guy off. plus, think of this other woman, his wife. You don’t know her story, you only know what he tells you. gettint cheated on is so psychologically damaging and life shattering. Don’t do that to her or your spouse. They don’t deserve that. 

Post # 9
Member
4797 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

sadundercoverbee:  I was in a similar situation years ago so I feel your pain. Have you and your husband been to therapy? Have you expressed your unhappiness within your marriage? My personal feeling is if the marriage can be salvaged (like he’s not a child molesting coke head or something) then you should at least try to come back together. If you choose to try, then yes, you should work somewhere else and cease all contact. If after trying and it doesn’t work, that’s okay, too. Sometimes marriages don’t last – news flash! And I agree with a PP, at that point get out of the marriage, but do it for yourself, not to necessarily try to end up with this guy. Being in an unhappy marriage is super sucky. I know all about that. Good luck to you!

Post # 10
Member
4639 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think since you’re at the point of putting your job in jeopardy by lying about your whereabouts its time to stop.

Either work on your marriage or end your marriage. There’s really no other option, your husband deserves better than to happen upon the evidence of your sordid affair.

 

Post # 11
Member
640 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Just genuinely curious…if you’ve not had sex in a year, do you think your husband is having an affair to fulfill his physical needs?

Post # 12
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It’s time to start being an honest person who at least cares enough about her husband to treat him like a person whose feelings matter. He deserves to know the truth. Also, quit lying to yourself about how this “started as a friendship” when in the same breath you openly admit you sought him out. Neither of you ever had honorable intentions. You knew what you were doing the whole time and are playing the denial card but I’m calling your bluff. Face reality in full. Once you do that, you can start trying to pick up the pieces. Confess to your husband without making excuses for yourself. Give him time to process it and grieve. Ask him if he wants to salvage your marriage and decide if you want that as well. You are not the victim in this. He is.  Also, I think you should have nothing to do with the other guy anymore – even if your marriage ends.

The saying is, “Truth hurts.” But I think that’s only true when lies precede the truth. It’s time to choose an honest life.

Post # 13
Member
4410 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Don’t continue cheating on your husband. Either end things with the colleague, or end things with your husband. Obviously it’d be great if you gave your marriage all of your energy, but if you are truly unhappy, and you are incompatible on your opinion about kids, maybe it’s time to end it. 

Post # 14
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

sadundercoverbee:  It doesn’t sound like either of you are “marriage material.” Your husband deserves better, and I think you need to come clean. It sounds like he wants a family and you don’t, and you need to talk about that too. 

I will guarantee that this won’t be the last time this other guy does this. He’ll do it again to his current wife, or he will do it to who ever comes after. 

Post # 15
Member
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

xstitchbride425:  IDK if I agree with that.  My first thought is counselling.  The grass is always greener (i.e. relationship with colleague) so maybe she just needs a big dose of reality to see what she has at home. 

sadundercoverbee:  The more concerning issue here is the fact that your husband wants children and you do not.  That is HUGE.  How long have you been married?  Is this the first time this issue is coming up?  It can’t be.    

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