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I'm having two wedding ceremonies. Which one should we get legally married in?

posted 3 months ago in Destination Weddings
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    Helper bee
    FutureMrsHoneybee    August 2012   Costa Rican Rainforest Elopement

    My FI and I just want to elope but his mother wants to be there very badly so we came up with a compromise. We are going to have one ceremony by ourselves and another with just our parents. But which one should we get legally married in?

    Ceremony 1) Private ceremony in Costa Rica. I'd like to get legally married during this one, but if I do, then I have to deal with getting married in another country and wait for paperwork and deal with requirements and etc.

    Ceremony 2) Parents-only ceremony. Don't have to deal with foreign country requirements and they get to witness us getting married. This means that our private wedding in Costa Rica won't be legal, which I don't know whether or not it will bother me the day of. Also, If we do get legally married in Costa Rica, will our parents still feel as excited for us during the 2nd ceremony if we are already married?

    Which ceremony would you choose to make your wedding legal in?

     
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    Helper bee
    kerri13    September 8, 2012  

    What if you switched the order? Had the legal one here and THEN went to Costa Rica? Or would that defeat the purpose of a private ceremony for you? 

    If so it would probably be okay to do Costa Rica not legal and just pretend. But then when would your anniversary be? 

     
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    Helper bee
    FutureMrsHoneybee    August 2012   Costa Rican Rainforest Elopement

    @kerri13: I don't want to be legally married when we go to Costa Rica because it would defeat the purpose for me since that would mean we already had made that commitment to each other (the vows mean everything to me). I'm not sure when our anniversary would be but I'm not really worried about that.

     
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    Helper bee
    awagy86    April 14, 2012   New York, NY (wedding in Negril, Jamaica)

    We got legally married months ago at city hall with friends as our witness and are planning our destination wedding in Jamaica with our friends and family in 2 short months. Our ceremony in Jamaica is the more meaningful one for us as it is where we affirm our love and commitment to each other in front of our friends and family. The legal one was just signing papers. We will always recognize our Jamaica wedding date as our true wedding date. Both of us already have trouble remembering the exact date of our city hall ceremony. 

    If it were me, I would sign the papers in the states with the parents but I would probably always celebrate my anniversary as the private ceremony in Costa Rica. It seems like that is the one that will mean more to you and will be toatlly personal and magical. As an added bonus you don't have to deal with the paperwork from an international marriage. We have friends who got married in Mexico years ago and it still isn't legal here because they haven't felt like dealing with the paperwork!

     
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    Buzzing bee
    Brielle    May 22, 2009  

    Since you're only talking about having just your parents -- and no other guests -- at the second wedding, why not just allow your parents to come to the Costa Rica wedding and have one ceremony?

     

     
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    Helper bee
    FutureMrsHoneybee    August 2012   Costa Rican Rainforest Elopement

    @awagy86: Thank you for your insight. You're right. We'll probably celebrate both anniversaries lol but the Costa Rica one will be when we devoted ourselves to one another so that will be the big one. Oh my goodness! I can't believe their marriage is not legal here!

    @Brielle: Because we want a private ceremony. We are doing the parents only ceremony so they can have the experience (FI's mother REALLY wants it).

     
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    Blushing bee
    SkiBunny    August 3, 2012  

    Just get married legally with just the two of you you was goning to do it like that anyway and come back and have a recpetion/ party and renew your vows in front of your parents/ friends.

     
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    Helper bee
    FutureMrsHoneybee    August 2012   Costa Rican Rainforest Elopement

    @SkiBunny: I was thinking about doing that I'm just concerned with dealing with getting married in a foreign place. 

     
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    Helper bee
    FutureMrsHoneybee    August 2012   Costa Rican Rainforest Elopement

    I just found out that it will take three months after getting married in Costa Rica for it to be valid in my country. :( Guess we're not getting legally married there!

     
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    Blushing bee
    roxymalone      

    whatever works better on your taxes.

     

     
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    Worker bee
    Midgely    April 12, 2015  

    I'm in a similar dilemma.

    I really want to get legally married in Hawaii(would love my marriage cert to say Hawaii!) but my parents wont be able to travel that far(not bothered about having anyone else there). Said this to my mother but she said she would prefer to see me legally married as it wouldnt mean anything to her being at a 'fake' ceremony so now I'm so torn

     
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    Bumble bee
    fresitachulita    July 28, 2012   Houston

    Two ceremonies would be against my religion but we are getting married outside of the country and having a religious ceremony that doesn't require a marriage lisence, only religious credentials, and it would 'simplfiy' things persay, if we got civilly married before we left or when we get back, but I really want it all to happen on the same day, so we are pushing ot have both the religious and civil part of our marriage be official on the same day. I just don't want two wedding dates, I just think the day is so special, I dont' want to try to recreate it in any shape or form. We are having a reception when we get back, with a 'first dance' cake and toast and all the traditional trimmings but there will be no second ceremony for people who can't make it to our destination wedding.

     

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