I'm hosting the bridal shower, and I have "thunder stealers"

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
42546 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MrsHalpert:  I don’t think you are taking it too personally. You are the hostess. I would send out the invitations in your name only.

Post # 4
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MrsHalpert:  you are doing all the hard work and pleas get the creditsfor it. Mom had 4 month and now she woke up from her sleep and realised she has to be part of it. sheshould get an invite in my opinion.

Post # 5
Member
1290 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@MrsHalpert:  I don’t think that you are wrong.  This would really upset me too. People like this are probably just thoughtless and haven’t considered the amount of work, time and money you’ve put in because they would just throw something together last minute….and that would be fine…if they were hosting.  But they’re not.  So:

You’re the hostess.  You send the invites, which are extended in your name only.  You could thank the sister at the shower for putting the games together.

Any offers of help that you don’t want you just say “thank you, but no.  I’ve got it covered”. 

Post # 6
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You’re the hostess — you’ve planned and paid for it. I would put the invitations with your name only.

Post # 7
Member
657 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@MrsHalpert:  Nope you’re perfectly within your right to list only your name on the shower. Where I come from it’s bad etiquette to have a family member of the bride (unless they’re in the bridal party) host the shower. I’m not sure what the reasoning is behind it, maybe it looks gift-grabby? Either way I wouldn’t change anything, you paid for everything, you planned it, you’re hosting it – end of story.

Post # 9
Member
842 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MrsHalpert:  put only your name. You’re hosting it, planned it, payed for it and are doing all of the work. Your name is the one that should be on that invite and no one else’s. 

Post # 11
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@MrsHalpert:  well i don’t think they should take any offence and to me it sounds like you are the sole hostess!  I can totally see where your concerns are coming from, but I would send out the invites and address any heat from MOH/sister/mom as it comes.

Post # 12
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee

@MrsHalpert:  I think you have fallen into the common error of thinking of “being the hostess” as an honour — probably from reading too many posts about wedding invitations and the debates about whether the groom’s parents are entitled to the “honour” of being named on the invitation.

Hostess is a job. Hostess is a responsibility. You’ve made a bunch of judgement calls about what will please the bride and be pleasant for your friends. They are probably good calls — probably — but unless you have mind-reading and future-sight, they are still just a guess. And now, when the party itself is on the line, you would consider letting someone else take the risks of being responsible for your decisions? Of course not — that would be churlish of you. Your guests need to know who is responsible for the arrangements, and if something goes wrong — anything at all — you would not want that to reflect on the bride’s mother and sister.

No, the only thing you can properly, politely do, is step up and take responsiblity for your choices — “nice” as it is of the bride’s mother to offer.

Post # 13
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@MrsHalpert:  if you’re paying and planning then you’re the hostess. I can’t see how her mom could be upset when she hasn’t paid for anything. Don’t stress!

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors