Post # 1
I need your help…
I’ll keep the story short. My fiance and I have been together for seven years now and he recently proposed on Valentines day. All was well for a while, but recently my fiance changed his mind about having all of our friends and family at the wedding. He just wants to have a ceremony and dinner (in our backward) only with immediate family. Really!??
Growing up, like everyone of us girls, we dream of our wedding day. I have been dreaming of this day forever now and for me not to be able to realize that dream of walking down the isle and celebrating with all my friends and family is just killing me. I already had agreed to cut my guest list from 150 guests to only 75.
I know it is tradition for the parents of the bride to pay for the wedding but unfortunately at this time my parents don’t have the money to help with the wedding. They offered to pay for my wedding dress and i still feel bad for this because I know they don’t have the money. My brothers and sisters are also trying to help out with whatever they can. My fiance does not want to pay for the wedding even though I know he can. He says it’s not fair for him and we could use the money to fix up our house. I totally understand him but this is only once in a lifetime.
I make just enough to pay for my student loans and credit cards (which I used while going to school). I have also thought about waiting until I pay off my debt, which will take a couple of years but then I can pay for the wedding myself.
All this is so confusing! I’m I being selfish? Is he being selfish? Or should I just comply with him and give up on my dream wedding? What should I do?
Post # 3
I don’t think you are being selfish but I think that you should wait a while if your Fiance doesn’t want to pay for a wedding. Maybe he wants to make sure that you still have money in savings after paying for a wedding? Also, you could try to put together a budget so he sees how much it would be, maybe he is blowing it up in his head to a larger amount.
Post # 4
Neither of you are being selfish until you demand the other gives in to what you want 🙂 Right now you are in the negotiation phase, before anything has been decided, so instead of throwing labels around it’s probably best you sit down together, think about what your “ideal” wedding would be, how much you can afford (and want) to spend, and how long it would take to save that up (and how you want to handle the finances – save up together, use his money now, use your money later, etc). Take as much time as you need on this phase, because it’s really important that you’re on the same page and not resenting each other. Neither of you should have to completely give up what you want because that’s not fair, and it’s not what a wedding is about. Good luck!
Post # 5
My Fiance and I have different ideas of what a wedding should be. In his family weddingd are generally small, simple and inexpensive, while i my family they are normally large lavish and more pricey. So we have each drawn up a list of ‘must haves’ ‘would likes’ and ‘do not like’ for the wedding. It has made it easier to see whats important to us. We are now negotiating to include as many of the must haves and would likes, and as few of the do not likes, and stay in a reasonable budget.
Would you consider having a small courthouse wedding now, and having a large fancy reception in a few years when you can afford it?
Post # 6
This story is ME all the way, I understand exactly what you are talking about. My Fiance want a backyard wedding he says with 10 people haha not so!!! no you are not being selfish to me. I told him my mom was helping pay for the venue so he think he don’t have to pay for anything haha not so again…our wedding was suppose to be this year we moved to next year because he said it should go toward us buying a house, so I will give him that, but we are still having a wedding. We been together 7yrs also and I told him I want our close family and friends to be part of us getting married. I talked to him, and told him how much it will be roughly and he’s been fine every since.
So I agreee you should write up a budget and let him know how much it will be, I didn’t tell my Fiance how much he just know how many people which will be 100.
Post # 7
For me, I asked myself do I want to have the wedding of my dreams in the future, or be married to the man of my dreams now. I would rather have a smaller/simple wedding now than wait to get married.
Post # 8
I don’t think you are being selfish, but the two of you need to sit down and have a real heart to heart. Explain to him how much this means to you. I also know about the money issue, I have been working a second job for months to pay for the wedding. My Fiance pays for all the household bill and pays for alot of extra expenses that are not his control, if I wanted a real wedding then I had to find a way to pay for it and learn to DIY (not crafty, but I am learning thanks to the CL girls and fellow hive members). When there is a will there is a way. Good Luck!
Post # 9
I don’t know where you are located, but some places, usually large urban areas cost more to get married in, than in suburban or rural areas. Depending on where you are, you could look at venues that are more or less money, or maybe even very little money. That is a big amount of the cost of a wedding/reception. Some people decide on a restaurant because that can be less expensive, but still very nice. Certainly look around for what you want. Determine what your priorities are. I found that in our area average weddings cost roughly $16,000 – $32,000 I spent $6000.00 on my daughter’s wedding, including things I bought, and then again some I ended up selling. For example, my daughter wanted an outdoor wedding, (think barn-type wedding). I found a sweet winery/vineyard with a farmhouse and a barn for the use for an entire day for zero dollars. All I had to do was buy their wine, for $20.00 per person, for 60 adults, so the venue AND the Alcoholic Beverages cost $1200.00 and we have a hefty credit for the leftover wine. A larger vineyard down the street costs $6000.00 just to rent the vineyard!!! Nothing else is included in that price. That is just ONE example of how I saved thousands of dollars. My daughter and SIL had exactly what they envisioned for their wedding. Everyone had a fantastic time. I still have my own graduate student loans, and am unemployed. I wouldn’t have hesitated to spend more on my daughter’s wedding IF I had it. So I made the amount of money I had work! If you want to contact me for more ideas feel free! I certainly don’t mind helping other people find a way to make their dream wedding come true! Rhonda 🙂
Post # 10
I don’t think you’re being selfish at all. I’m in a similar situation. Fiance works on the road and I don’t work since we’re never in the same place for longer than 2 months or so. My mom and dad are going through a divorce and my sister is also engaged so dad told me he could give me 5k to pay for the dress and help with other things. I don’t want anything lavish, and where we’re from 10k would get us a really nice wedding. Fiance just doesn’t see the sense in spending that kind of money on just “one day”. Ugh…boys, they just don’t get it. He’s told me that we can do whatever I want but…I feel like he’s just saying that. I told him we I would just go to city hall and marry his ass and he didn’t want to do that. I’m not sure he knows what he wants to do. We have about 60k saved up so I really don’t see what the issue is with spending 5 or 7 thousand on our wedding. Plus, since we’re on the road 10 months out of the year it’s really hard to plan anything so I’ve just put everything on hold.
Post # 11
Thanks all! You all have some great ideas and will take all into consideration. I think I’ll sit down this weekend with him and like Tksjewelery said, “…have a real heart to heart” conversation with him.