Post # 1
I’m not looking to have everyone attack me, I just want some other brides opinions on if I’m being unreasonable and need to just suck it up.
I have 4 birdesmaids (2 friends, my sister, and FI’s sister). The sister’s have been amazing-offering to help, helping pick out BM dresses, showers, etc. Now, they have done 100% of the planning of my bachelorette party this weekend. I was really bummed when I found out that due to the location none of my other friends can make it- so it will just be the 5 of us. They were the ones I wanted there no matter what so I let the 4 of them pick the date and location (I don’t even know what we are doing).
This week I find out my two friends are not planning on staying or going out with us-even though they knew our sisters had already booked the hotel downtown so we can all be safe and stay there. On top of that they just let me know they will not be staying in town the night of our wedding and are driving 3+ hours home (the reception is 6-11PM). I’ve been really upset about this. We have had a lot of people that had said they were coming to the wedding not be able to make it, and I thought for sure I could could on my girls to be there through the night to celebrate with us. One said it’s a babysitter issue for both nights-but she has know about these for months! She goes out pretty often and doesn’t ever seem to have a problem getting a sitter then. The other one said she wants to sleep in her own bed.
Am I being ridiculous to be upset? I’m SO grateful that they are coming this weekend, but I feel like they don’t want to…and if that’s the case I’d rather they not. The wedding has really made me feel like I don’t have any close friends. Every wedding I have been in I would have done anything I could to help the bride out, while my friends haven’t wanted to do a thing. Please don’t get me wrong, I’m very thankful for the showers and bachelorette party but everything has been done/attended by our families while most of my friends didn’t/aren’t coming to anything.
Post # 3
I hate hotels. You couldn’t force me to stay in one if you tried (unless it’s an extended stay where I have to).
Dont take it personally. For some people a 3 hour drive is worth saving the x amount of money on hotel, babysitter, meals, tips, etc. And for others, they have different priorities.
Post # 4
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, I would be disappointed, too. I don’t really have any advice for you, though, sorry 🙁
Post # 5
no i think id be pretty upset to.
i suppose the only bit of advice i could offer would be to speak to your girls and ask if theres anything going on? they might have something going on but dont want to worry you about it with everything you have going on in your life at the minute.
i dont think you need other people to help you validate your feelings – if you feel them, then they are real to you.
let them know how you are feeling, get a convo going with them about it and see where it goes.
best of luck.
Post # 6
My two future sister in laws are awesome bridesmaids and my MOH and other bridesmaid are not. But i have come to terms with the fact that they are just in a different head space than i am. (both future sis in laws are married) I am sorry you feel disapointed. I hope that you can work through it and maybe if the oppertunity presents itself bring it up to your friends? or try and look at it from their point of view? Regardless i am possitive you will have a lovely wedding full of love and support and i would guess you will not notice that they leave a little early to drive home. 🙂
Post # 7
I can understand being disappointed/upset. Weddings and all the events around it can be very emtional, people you thought would be there for you aren’t sometimes and that hurts. You didn’t do anything crazy or lash out so I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong, I think you’re just feeling a little hurt and I would too.
Post # 8
Maybe they are just uncomfortable sleeping anywhere but in the comfort of their own home. If they are going to stay and celebrate the entire reception, why does it matter to you where they sleep after? Im’ sure you’ll be much too preoccupied to worry about who has stayed the night or not. Even if they ducked out early to make the drive home, I really doubt you’ll give it a second though and continue partying away with your new husband.
Post # 9
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to be a bit upset. At all. I think it would be unreasonable to make a big deal out of it. They are coming to the wedding and weekend. They just aren’t staying the night. They still love you, they just have other things going on in their life. It’s totally okay tot talk to them about this but I wouldn’t push it. Besides, there will be so many things going on your wedding day you probably won’t even notice if they slip out a little early. There will be a ton of people there to celebrate your relationship with your sweetie and I highly doubt you’ll feel like you don’t have friends. I hope they find a way to stay so they can party until the wee morning hours. But if they can’t swing it, give them a break. They’re not trying to be hurtful, probably just practicality. Good luck!
Post # 10
Are they not coming to the reception at all? If they are, it’s not like they are going to spend the night with you… so if they want to go home, not a big deal. Could be a money issue or something. Try not to let it get to you too much.
Post # 11
I do understand people not liking hotels-but it’s not like they never go on vacation. One just attended another wedding as a guest and stayed three nights in a hotel. If they stayed until the end of the night for the bachelorette party and wedding then I wouldn’t have an issue (other than being very concerned about that long of a drive afterwards). But-they won’t be. One has made it clear she doesn’t know how long she will stay and has asked a million questions about when dinner should be over with, the other said she doesn’t have a sitter (and isn’t bringing the children) so I’d take that as she needs to get back ASAP. We have offered to pay for their hotel (which comes with breakfast) because one said it was a money issue at one point-but they still won’t stay. My FSIL is covering all of the expenses this weekend because she felt so bad that they were backing out and thought it may help.
I have talked to one about it and she just says I don’t know how hard it is to be a mother and that she felt attacked because I told her how hurt I was.
Post # 12
@BluegrassBridetoBee: Is the mother BM a new mother? As in, has someone under the age of 1?
Post # 13
I don’t think you’re overreacting. I would be really disappointed too.
Post # 14
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I think it’s natural for you to be disappointed. Unfortunately, I don’t think there’s anything you could (or even should) do about it.
Like PPs wrote, you probably won’t notice when they leave. I also don’t understand how people “don’t’ have a sitter” when they had months’ notice, but…
Post # 15
She has two, one is under 1 yes. We are not having children but I told her several times she is more than welcome to bring the baby and she doesn’t want to (to the wedding-not the bachelorette party). She wanted the bachelorette party close to where she lives so she could stay with us and be close if she needed to go home. So, we did…not she isn’t going out with us or staying and a couple of my friends couldn’t make the trip there so they aren’t coming at all. She was going to stay this weekend until she found out the other one wasn’t and said she figured it was ok if she left early too.
Post # 16
I don’t blame you for being upset, I would be disappointed too. I’m not sure what you can do about it though.