Post # 1
I have been lurking on weddingbee since I was engaged over a year ago. I just want to say that everyone here is so so lucky and Im happy that you all are going to have amazing weddings.
However, do any of you get jealous reading about others weddings? I do.
I am unemployed (which has caused a lot of weight gain), and my FI works in retail. We live in Michigan, off of less then 1000 a month, and that doesnt leave anything to save for a wedding with. My family lives in Arizona, his family lives in Florida, and after many failed attempts to get everyone together to celebrate, I’ve given up.
My ring is from walmart, I made my own dress, we are getting married at a courthouse with no family present and there wont be a honeymoon. Im very sad that this is what my “special day” will be like.
The only nice thing is that FI got a credit card to buy me a moissanite ring, because I am so ashamed of my current one.
Post # 3
@Krissytem: the only important thing about a wedding is that it leads to a marriage. I hope you and your fiance will have a very blessed life together!
Post # 4
@Krissytem: That sucks, but trust that life WILL get better. A wedding is one day. We have the money to have a big wedding, but we’re opting not to. Nothing wrong with having a big wedding, but you’re marrying the guy of your dreams – that’s what matters.
Of course comparing your life to those who have more money will make you miserable, that’s only natural. Think of it this way – if you did have money for a big wedding, would the families be any different? Or would you just be spending thousands of dollars for lots of disappointment and drama (like a lot of bees do)? The grass isn’t always greener.
You could always do a fabulous vow renewal ceremony when you’re on better financial footing. Many couples get married when they’re young and not well off.
Post # 5
I agree with PP… its really about being married.
However, I am sorry that you do not get a big fancy wedding 🙁
Post # 6
I think you should get rid of the fantasy in your head of what you think your wedding should be. I know there are a lot of Bees who have dreamed of their wedding day and want to move heaven and earth to have the perfect wedding.
I am one of few that never thought of a wedding or wedding day and I wasnt expecting anything at all. I love my FI and if he didnt have the means to give me a big wedding it would be okay with me because he is everything I wanted in a husband.
Please just focus on the love you two have for one another and be happy where you are right now. Dont look at what you dont have look at what you do. It all comes in time and I promise where you are right now you wont always be there.
Post # 7
@Krissytem: The most important thing about getting married is you get to marry the person of your dreams and spend the rest of your life with them. Everything else, just details… and honestly TOO many people get caught up in the details.
I have a friend that got married over a year ago. Her wedding (IMO) was so pretty and perfect and fun. But she is SO bitter over it because of the details. She let the little things get to her and it wasn’t “her vision.”You can not bring up the word wedding without her complaining about how much her wedding sucked… and the only person who thinks it sucked was her.
Post # 8
@Krissytem: I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. If you always compare your life to everyone else’s, you will never be happy.
I had the big wedding with all of my family and friends and then a ton of other people I have never met in my life. And you know what? I WISH I my husband and I would have just eloped. I feel like having so many people there, especially so many I didnt know, really took away from it. So look on the bright side, your wedding will be just you 2, celebrating your marriage without all of the fuss bigger weddings can create. Good luck, love! And chin up!!
Post # 9
I bet a lot of the girls on this site who have been waiting years for a proposal would love to get married like you are!!!
Post # 10
@Krissytem: You should be happy that you are marrying someone you love. Who the F cares if you don’t get a big ole wedding. Getting married is about committing to the person you love. The ring is just a ring. Doesn’t matter if it is from a token from a fair to the most expensive thing in the world. People are way to materlistic.
Be happy for what you have in life not the what ifs, could of’s.
Post # 11
@Krissytem: Your wedding is the wedding that I wanted, just FH and myself (well, we did want our parents and our two closest friends there) but that was it. I wanted it to be super special and intimate. FH is the one that talked me into having a more traditional wedding.
Please do not stress about this. So many people have this idea of what a wedding should be like and they stress because they compare every little thing to what someone else did and it’s just not worth it. At the end of the day you will be married. Chin up love!
Also, if you want something a little bigger, why not do a really nice vow renewal ceremony later on?
Post # 12
I think you are so brave to admit this, everyone gets jealous at one thing or another at one point. It’s totally natural. Our system is set up so that a wedding becomes an event, a production, and they have marketed it so that it equals money. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
If that is what you really want, plan a big vow renewal party in 10 years, and start a earning and savings plan. But it’s all about perception – I have a super rich friend who grew up with tons of money but chose a very small, inexpensive ring because she felt anything bigger would be tacky and gawdy. This made me really start thinking about what I want for myself, independently of what society tells me I should want or expect.
Maybe there are details you can get excited about? I think it is AWESOME that you can actually make your own dress. So romantic. Are you good with other DIY things? You can find a free or very inexpensive spot if you want to go that route, like a beach or a park. I’d be happy to help you think through logistics!
Post # 13
The only thing that makes your wedding day special is YOU, not things. And all you need is a smile and your FH!
My parents had a courthouse wedding with old clothes, no rings and no family present. They certainly don’t have fancy photographs – but I LOVE the wedding pictures! They look so incredibly happy, and that’s what’s important! 🙂 They never regretted it. And it makes for good stories and memories.
Post # 14
@Krissytem: I think jealousy is totally normal. I have been jealous of a lot of my friends, and many are jealous of us and our wedding (we are very blessed in many ways and very silent about the ways we are not so blessed). Just a few things:
– Don’t be ashamed of where your ring is from. I have seen some beautiful rings from Walmart. My view was, if you shop there for clothes, food, and everything else, it is totally normal to get an e-ring there.
– Please don’t go into debt for a new ring. Seriously, it is not worth it now and it could become funny later. I have had two bosses at my job– both whom make considerably over six figures and have long marriages. The first never wore an engagement or wedding ring, when it came up, she said they couldn’t afford a band, so they did without and called themselves feminists. The other boss laughed and said that she was so poor the prongs of her e-ring were so poorly made that they broke and she only wore the band. They have amazing marriages and realized the bling is not what it is about.
– As far as a courthouse wedding. If it isn’t what you want, don’t have it. Invite a few people over, have a backyard wedding with a friend officiating (can be done cheap) and make pasta or grill afterwards. Having a potluck wedding can be super special and allow you to have your day.
– If you need bitch, please feel free to do so. We are here for you. Just a bit of perspective from the other side– having tons of family coming in for the wedding just means all of their drama comes with them. Totally not what you want to deal with at your wedding. Having a large budget doesn’t mean you get what you want– you are bound by who is available and how many people they can serve. And finally, an expensive e-ring is great, but look at the number of brides here who want to upgrade or regret it? Bling isn’t everything, it is much more important what the bling means.
Post # 15
Totally agree with @oneonfthesethings u are fortunate enought to be getting married. thats what matters. My FI and i dont have the money to have a wedding or a reception for that matter. we are going to the courthouse and going out to eat with close friends/family at a nice restaurant afterwards. by late next year we may be able to have enough to do a getaway alone which is hard having our two kids and no help but i am THRILLED and overjoyed to be marrying my man!
Post # 16
I’m going to go against the grain here. While what most of the replies have said are true and that what really matters is that in the end you’ll be married to the one you love, it’s also very obvious that you want a wedding, at least a nicer one than what you’re limited to right now, and that you’d regret not having that very much. That’s understandable. And you are entitled to feeling regret over your wedding or what your wedding will be like; don’t feel like you need to repress yourself.
My advice is, if this really isn’t what you want, then why don’t you just wait to get married? I know having to postpone the wedding sucks but it shouldn’t be any worse than just going and rushing to the courthouse to get it over with because you feel like you can’t have anything better. You may not be earning much right now, but what’s to say that things won’t improve? What if you got married today with none of what you wanted for your wedding and then in the next couple of months, your fortune suddenly makes a huge turnaround? Bear in mind too that there are people out there that are living off of even less than you that don’t even have the courthouse as an option–if obtaining a marriage license means giving up a day’s food, then they’ll wait to marry. While I also recommend possibly having a bigger vow renewal in a few years, I know some don’t believe in them, that their one wedding is their only wedding. Maybe that’s the case for you or your fiance.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not slamming courthouse weddings. If your parents were happy getting married in old clothes at the courthouse with no rings, good for them! But clearly the OP just doesn’t want that at all, so please, try and be more understanding of how she feels. She cannot just force herself to want it and embrace it, either she does or she doesn’t. Oh, and just because she wants a nicer wedding doesn’t mean that she’s not just happy to be getting married to her husband. I really don’t get why it seems like most brides on here that want a smaller wedding than what they’re looking forward to are sympathized with when brides that want something just a little bigger (not even huge, she at least wants her family there!) are told to suck it up and accept what they have, or at least it’s implied. It’s kind of a double standard. Anyone still upset about not getting the intimate wedding or elopement they desired should just be happy that they’re married now too!