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first off, i TOTALLY love ur title, it's what drew me into read your post! not at your frustration, but LOL at the humor!
as for the waiting... in hindsight, (yes i told FI that i was impatiently waiting for the proposal - although we hadn't started planning, i didn't want to move in together unless we were engaged)...
i totally understand where your FI is coming from... i'm sure it's right around the corner, but he genuinely really just wants to surprise you!!! it's not fair that he used the $ thing as something you should draw out your patience for... but just breathe... and be excited that you've already started planning!!! :) you have SO much to look forward to, don't let this lil waiting game get the best of you!! it will come and by the sounds of it... VERY SOON!
That is pretty crazy. I wouldn't be able to not think about it, either!
I think it's impossible not to expect a proposal if you're already planning the wedding together. At the same time, he probably still wants to surprise you. So, OK, the occurance of the event can't be a surprise, but the way it unfolds (and the ring?) CAN be. He probably just wants to preserve that, and wants it to be as special as it can be on its own, rather than on one of those days when you might expect it a little more.
In my case, I totally knew that FI was going to propose. We were planning an anniversary picnic for a Sunday afternoon and I knew he was going to propose then. The Wednesday before we went out to dinner and then took a walk down the block to get coffee. On the way back from the cafe out of no where he got down on one knee. So the proposal didn't surprise me, since I was expecting it to happen, but the details certainly did! (I was still holding a soy latte, for goodness sakes!)
I would be frustrated about planning a wedding without a ring as well, so I don't really have any advice for you on that front except to just trust him that he really is planning on doing it soon!
Just FYI, my hubby said the same thing about birthdays, holidays, etc.. (which I thought was total crap because to me it meant that it would be romantic and memorable) and basically the same thing as your man said about "taking away his moment". I know how hard it is to hear those words believe me! I kept wanting a proposal on my birthday, and he kept telling me he wasn't going to do it on my birthday which REALLY ticked me off BUT he ended up doing it the day before my b-day. Hang in there!
I agree I LOVE your post title as well.
But I'm a little confused about your situation. Are you "unofficially" engaged like just the ring is missing? But he has already proposed with a stand in (whether it be a rubber band on your finger or whatnot) and you said yes? Or has there just been talk and nothing "officially" has happened yet?
I'm a tad bit thrown by the fact that you guys have put deposits down on things already!
Just me.
I understand where you are coming from. It is hard to not expect a proposal when he wants you to plan a wedding. I guess he just wants to surprise you. I don't understand why guys don't get that it is hard to plan a wedding and not expect a proposal.
Yup, post title really pulled me.
I would feel the same way. I guess what confuses me is that he thinks "his moment" will be ruined by you expecting an official proposal and a ring sometime soon. Duh, why does one start planning a wedding? I knew my FI was looking at rings and I knew he would propose in the coming months but I had no idea, when, where, how and I also had no idea that up his sleeve he also asked my dad for his blessing--which I'm thrilled but it was never deemed a must but I love that he did.
Does he think you are wanting to know when and where he will propose too?
@Gerbera-He has pretty much proposed without a ring. We had a serious talk about getting married looooooong before any planning took place. I don't have an issue with the planning. My issue is, he had the nerve to tell me to TRY not to expect it so much! Men are such goobers.
Yeah...I would hate that...how do you not expect a proposal when you're in the midst of planning? Men are so backwards sometimes...I know it would be extremely hard, but try to find something else to concentrate on in the meantime...ugh, men.
IMO you are engaged. Certainly my mom didn't have an engagement ring but that didn't make her any less engaged when she and my dad decided to get married. :)
Being a mean person myself I'd tell him and act as if you are completely indifferent about his little 'proposal' since you are already engaged, what does it matter when you get a ring? let him have his little playacting. ;) Though I'd make sure my reaction to the proposal insured his feeling weren't too hurt.
Mister Toaster also insists that the engagement "is about him too, you know" and I can mostly see where he is coming from and I confess I have been quite impatient ever since we knew for sure that we were going to get married... So to help put it into perspective for you, it isn't JUST about you, but the both of you. Mine dangles it (the impending proposal) a bit sometimes (MEAN), but if yours isn't, just be patient!
I must say that I was in your shoes 7 months ago. My FI and I talked about getting married a few months after we started dating, so we started planning and making out lists and all that, I knew he is saving up for the ring and here I was, waiting and waiting and waiting. We had the date set and everything, I started to take care of my part and still waited for the ring, I have to say that I was getting really frustrated before he finally made the purchase. After I finally got the ring, I did feel a sense of relief, like he really does want to marry me (of course he does, but without the ring, there is still a nagging doubt). Afterwards, he did tell me that although he was sure and really commited to me, me going out to get the dress within a short time of us talking about getting married did throw him off a bit. I was like, what?? One of the most important element of getting married, and he was freakin out because I did what I was supposed to?? MAN!!!! I totally know what you are talking about, but I think that in my FI's case, he wasn't just saving up for the wedding and the ring, he was also putting some money away for his daughter's eventual marriage someday too which he didn't want to tell me about, hence the delay in getting the ring.
Girl... i FEEL your pain. My SO has been assisting me with pre-planning our wedding ever since he bought the ring, in DECEMBER. WE set the stone and sized the ring last weekend... and it's sitting in his underwear drawer (because I put it there)... we live together. UM HELLO?! Where the F*CK is my proposal. I am so excited and antsy to plan the wedding but I refuse to do it before he proposes! LIKE COME ON! He had me help to pick it out, had me come with him to set the stone and size it, what is he waiting for. ANY MAN who thinks that the whole thinking about being engaged thing is going to go away is kidding themselves!!
Sorry to rant on and on... but know that I completely feel you misery and misery loves company. GOOD LUCK huneebee :-)
I've got it all figured out....MEN ARE WACKY!! Thanks bees for your support, you guys always make me feel better.
@vanilla frosting-LMAO! You are too cute. Umm yeah, where is your proposal?? I think we are too nice sometimes. Having the stone set, ring sized and placing it in his underwear drawer for "safe" keeping is equivalent to slitting your wrists! It's amazing how we let this ring thing get to us. Seriously, I prob would have walked up to him with the ring, said YES, slipped it on and walked away (lol). Leave him perplexed for a change. I think it's going to happen for you real soon. It has to! Keep us posted...
I most certainly will... I think he likes having the control. Which just blows because I totally wear the pants in this relationship.
Best title ever, @huneebee. You the coolest.
I was talking about our future (read: having a minor meltdown at the not-so-impending engagement) and he fessed up that he'd been looking at rings. Which is both exciting to know and in no way gonna slow me down thinking about it, so...yeah.
Im totally with you on not understanding what he means by telling you "to stop expect it" thats similar to what my SO tells me.. and like you we pretty much are engaged and just waiting for the official proposal and ring".. but seriously at this point can he really suprise you? he needs to just do it already!! Good luck!
@VanillaFrosting. I'm right there with ya'. He even encouraged me to wear the ring to dinner the first two nights we had it (we were on vacation). He put it in his underwear drawer himself. And that was 3 months ago. Grrrrrrr....
I am so frustrated with waiting. I don't even know if he has a plan. I have been patiently refraining from wedding/proposal talk while secretly enjoying this board and planning in my head. Meanwhile, everyone is getting married and engaged around me.
It helps knowing you all are in the same boat. Hang in there, girls!
HUNNEBEE!!! I am in the SAME situation!!! Wow, what he said to you could not be more word-for-word what my bf has said to me.
"He also told me, he feels that proposing on holidays, birthdays, annv. and etc. is cliche and too obvious. He feels that it should be a surprise and that I am robbing him of "his moment". He wants me to stop expecting it. (wth?)"
"How do you NOT expect a proposal, especially if you're planning a wedding TOGETHER!!??"
i laughed at your title, but as the other's i feel your pain. SO helped me make the guest list and puts his two cents in when i ask and nothing on this finger. he keeps catching me on this website ahh! i need to stop being on here ha.
How do you not expect an engagement when you are already planning a wedding? Boys are ridiculous!
Hope it comes SOON
Don't hate me... but I get what he's saying! I think he's just asking you to stop expecting it to happen so he can actually surprise you with a proposal!
I would suggest you stop talking wedding plans, etc (to him) for the next 2 weeks so he thinks you've "forgotten" about it! lol guys like the hunt & they're intrigued by mystery... if you stop talking about wedding plans I'd bet any money that the proposal would come soon! Let him think that the proposal & wedding is the LAST thing on your mind :)
I agree the title was very funny and that's why I clicked in. But if you want my honest opinion, I think you have some guts to be planning the wedding without a ring. Because clearly you don't feel 100% about the 'engagement' and clearly your FI hasn't proposed for real since he's telling you to back down and not rob him of his moment.
If I were you, I would just STOP planning the wedding. Just stop. I know it's exciting, and you have reason to believe it will come to fruition, but you are sending the wrong messages to everyone including yourself by planning a wedding without being officially engaged. Putting the cart before the horse, buying milk without the cow, etc. You are clearly telling your FI it is OKAY to keep you hanging like this, which it obviously isn't.
Ouch. That would make me batty too! I agree with everyone who suggested stop planning the wedding, try to just let it go, and wait for the proposal. It IS coming, not to worry! 
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For the past month, I have been planning an "official" wedding, while being "unofficially" engaged. We've decided on a destination wedding which is pretty much planned (deposits paid). We will be venue shopping in a couple of weeks. Get this, all of this in lieu of him telling me to get the ball rolling! For a while, I felt ok about it, now...not so much. I know it's just a ring but, this waiting game is beginning to grate this huneebee's nerves!
Meanwhile, in Mr. Huneebee's world: He tells me around Vday that it took everything in him not to propose (does this mean he has the ring?) He also told me, he feels that proposing on holidays, birthdays, annv. and etc. is cliche and too obvious. He feels that it should be a surprise and that I am robbing him of "his moment". He wants me to stop expecting it. (wth?) He went on to tell me that I should relax because my money has not been utilized in ANY of the planning thus far. So in other words, if he wasn't serious and a man of his word he wouldn't have been pressed about planning, paying deposits and shopping venues....
Maybe I'm having a bad day....I dunno. Am I overreacting? How do you NOT expect a proposal, especially if you're planning a wedding TOGETHER!!??