Post # 1
Last night I had a little tiff with my husband. I made a beautiful dinner and then we made our way into the bedroom. We fooled around for over an hour. During that time, I found myself having trouble concentrating. I recently lost my job, and it has been bothering me. My husband works permanent full time, and I am home while he is out working, making money, and being more successful then myself. It really gets me down. I was thinking about that and not into what we were doing.
My husband went to the bathroom and I had already rolled over. He asked me what was wrong and I was quiet for a bit. I told him that I didn’t want to have sex. He said “now, or ever?” I said not now.
Then he asked me if I knew that I didn’t want to before we started fooling around, and I said of course not.
We didn’t end up having sex. I started crying about my situation and told him that I couldn’t concentrate because of it. Then I got really tired and drowsy, probably from getting worked up.
I am not always into sex. We haven’t done it much to begin with, and I rarely initiate.
While we were engaged, I went to see a gyno for pain and she said because we are new at it to not expect that things are going to go perfectly, and that we might only be able to do it once a week to start. This is pretty much our schedule now. My husband expects more, and I know there is an expectation now that we are married.
Has anyone else experienced this? I know I cannot continue to make excuses or it will hurt our relationship.
Post # 3
That’s a bummer!
I know of a few things that can cause a low libido: First off, stress is one of the largest factors that contribute to high or low libido. Cheer up, girlfriend! You’ll find another job. While you have this time off, just do something you like–craft, read books, crochet, bake, whatever! There’s no need to stress over things. Stress never helps a situation.
Additionally, I know that if you’re on BCPs, they are often to blame for a nosedive in libido. If you’ve recently switched pills, or have been on pills for a while and you feel like they correlate with your lack of sex interest, I’d visit your doctor and try a new pill.
Finally, weight is definitely an issue. Obviously I do not know you, so you might be in prime physical condition, but if you’re not, exercise! Exercise boosts endorphines that can pull people out of depression and will, in turn, make you more interested in sex. Trust me, exercise is HUGE. I stopped working out for about 6 months, and not only did I feel MISERABLE, I also felt not interested in my husband! Now that I work out again, I feel great, look even better, and I LOVE (if you know what I mean) my husband! It doesn’t even have to be strenuous exercise–a nice walk does the trick!
Best of luck!
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
There are lots of reasons why you could be feeling this way, and most of them have nothing to do with your husband. The most important part is to remain honest and open– my husband and I didn’t change our habits after we got married, just because there’s a ring on your finger doesn’t mean you have to “put out” more or less, so don’t let those thoughts stress you out. Communicate with him how you’re feeling and you can find a solution together, keep those feelings to yourself and you’ll both end up frustrated and upset. This doesn’t have to harm your relationship if you can work together to find a solution.
What medications are you on? Do any of them have side effects that could be causing your lack of interest? This is a common issue with many birth controls. How about stress, it clearly seems like you’ve got a lot on your mind these days– could depression be some of the issue?
As mentioned above, exercise increases the level of endorphins in your system and has an overall positive effect on your life.
The most important part is to keep your husband involved, if he understands what’s going on he can be supportive and help you work through it, if he’s kept in the dark all he can do is wonder why you’re not interested anymore- -and that WILL hurt your relationship.