Post # 1
I got engaged last spring…. the fact I have to one day plan a ceremony seems like one big faff. I went to my friends’ big expensive wedding in the summer and was repeatedly asked “how is the planning going?” “have you chosen a venue yet?”. I dare not reply “I don’t really care.” The whole “bridal thing” bores me stupid. Surely a happy, financial stable future is more desirable than blowing your house deposite on a party?
My partner and I are goths, adding a whole layer of complication to the table. I will be getting married in a black dress, that’s the only thing im fussed about!! You should see the reaction to my engagement ring (two intertwining snakes), I am yet to be told it is even nice. Also is it even possible to plan a vegan menu for guests who eat meat?? Where does one draw the line between expectation and personal opinion?
I suppose coming from quite a small wealthy community where everyone does the “society” wedding makes me feel massive pressure. One friend told me last week her dress was £2,500 and that was a cheaper one!!! The idea of showing off really grates with me.
We are honestly happy with a registry office, imediate family and a nice afternoon tea afterwards. Does one really need to book a venue a year in advance, plan photographers, meals, cakes, cars, bridesmaids dresses ect? I’m hoping when the time comes to have it all sorted in a few weeks and to keep it low key.
Does anyone have advice for a seriously low fuss wedding, without offending people??
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2013 - The Down Town Club, Philadelphia
Girl, have you been to a A Practical Wedding yet? or Offbeat Bride? Those two blogs are speaking your language, so to speak.
There are many different kinds of weddings. I think it’s so important to do what honors you both as a couple, and not just what people expect. It’s totally possible to have a wedding that speaks to you and your FI and is also enjoyable for your guests to attend and share with you.
P.S – I went to a vegan wedding last summer, and it was freakin delicious!
Post # 4
First of all I am financial stable and already own my own house so don’t assume people who pick out their venues and have the big party are blowing their house deposits.
My advice to you is if your idea of a wedding is small intimate and with an afternoon tea then go for it, no need to pass judgements or compare and contrast your day to other peoples.
Anytime you do something out of the norm a few people will grumble about it, but as long as you have a good atmosphere and refreshments the guest have nothing to complain about.
Post # 5
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@waif: Not all weddings are like you’re describing, you can make it whatever you do or don’t want.
Post # 6
I think it’s fine that you don’t want the “typical” wedding, but you don’t have to be so judgemental of those that do.
Post # 7
I’m refering specifically to my own personal situation, not the general events. I suppose I have been put off by quite a few boasting people in my social circles. I have only attended two weddings, both were massive events, with absolutely everything. I was obviously very happy for the couples, but found the though of planning something like that very intimidating. I’m still increadibly young and at uni so the whole “adultness”, and planning of such things gets quite overwhelming.
I’m just wandering if anyone has practical tips on small “bijou” events. How can you avoid offending friends by having a guest list of 10 ect.
Post # 8
If you don’t want a wedding then don’t have a wedding, just get married. If you hate the fuss and bother and expense just elope.
Post # 9
first of all, i am having a larger wedding (150 people), but i am not making a “fuss” over it. i’m not “showing off” or anything like that. our wedding is going to be exactly the way we want it- a casual celebration of the love between my FI and i. yes, we will have a photographer, a cake, bridesmaids, dancing and drinking, but that is what we want with our closest family and friends.
also, we are paying for the wedding ourselves and have been saving for the last two years, so we have enough for both a wedding and a down payment on a house. i think it’s rude to assume all people who have a “big party” are not financially responsible.
anyway, my advice to you is just to do whatever you want. all you need for a wedding is two people and marriage certificate- everything else is just extras. there are many people who are happy with a registry office, immediate family and a nice afternoon tea afterwards.
word to the wise though: don’t be so judgemental about people who have a “typical” wedding if you don’t want people to be judgemental about the kind of wedding you want.
Post # 10
If people are “offended” by a small wedding, I wouldn’t lose sleep over it. It is their choice to be offended and we can’t control how other people respond.
We aren’t talking racism or religious prosecution where something one did or said could be truly offensive. We are talking making different choices for a wedding.
You can’t control what others do or how they respond, but you can control your own reaction. Just make a conscious decision to not let them push your buttons and have the wedding you want.
The people wo love you and support your marriage will get over it if they don’t agree with your decisions.
Post # 11
@michiru4ever Thanks thats a brilliant idea. Might need to give some closer family and friends the news first but that may be ideal. Maybe in a few years time.
@julies1949 Thanks, you are right about pushing buttons. I’ve had a few pushed in conversations with friends ect. Which has given me quite a tinted view of the “wedding planning thing”.
Is the best place to start a dress? It can motivate you?
Post # 12
You could always have a low-key affair and not tell anyone (except the people invited, of course) until afterwards.