(Closed) I'm kind of having a come apart.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
46161 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

People can only take advantage to the extent that we let them. Your FI has chosen to let his brother take advantage of him. Until he decides to draw the line in the sand, nothing will change.

Why is the brother living with you? Could that be the first thing the two of you decide to change?

Post # 4
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

((HUGS)) I’m sorry you’re so stressed, it’s coming thru the computer!   Tell the brother he’s not welcomed anymore and to get the eff out.  You two do not need him.  Let’s see how the Golden Child (really he does sound like a child having a temper tantrum) does on his own.

Post # 5
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

His brother needs to move out… And as you two are getting married, now is probably a better time as any.

Post # 7
Member
46161 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@StefLovesJamie:  Why can’t he stay at his own place over the weekends? Are you saying he is in camp or something during the week and doesn’t have his own place?

Your FI needs to grow a set. It’s time for him to act like an adult where his brother is concerned and stake his own territory.

This would be a deal breaker for me. I would talk with my FI and make sure he knew that I am not ok with this and work out a date by which the brother is gone.

Post # 9
Member
1500 posts
Bumble bee

It’s not fair for you to feel uncomfortable in your own home, or for your FBIL to act like it’s his house. It’s up to your fiancé to set the boundaries, and as hard as that might be for him, he needs to prioritize you and your feelings over his brother’s whims. I would talk to your fiancé in a very supportive but honest way, explaining that you understand it’s hard for him to not help his brother out, but that you feel like his brother is asking too much and it’s making it very uncomfortable for you and that you’re upset. 

Post # 10
Member
1868 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

To be honest, it sounds like your fiancé needs to stand up to him more. Your FBIL treats him like this because your super nice and great fiancé allows him to. Next time he tells him he wants an x-box for Christmas, your fiancé should laugh and tell him “Yea, okay, keep waiting.” But if he’s going to continue to do what his brother tells him, then your FBIL will keep doing what he’s doing. I would be just as annoyed as you are. 

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