I'm leaving him

posted 5 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
693 posts
Busy bee

I am so proud of you for this, and I don’t even know you personally. You and your children will be safer away from him. As for leaving, do you have a close friend or relative who you trust to help you move? That might make it easier. 

I’ve never left anyone or had a bad breakup but I just wanted to tell you that you deserve better and you’re making a good decision.

Post # 3
Member
1666 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I have a friend who was in a similar situation.  She bought him some tickets to a concert out of town for his birthday and then moved out while he was there.  It gave her enough time to get out, and she knew how long she had until he’d be home.

Post # 6
Member
3614 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

You need to leave, this is the right choice.  I would tell your familiy or a close friend though, and have an exit plan that involves them there to keep you safe.  Maybe you can stay with someone now just to get out of there sooner?  You can also call a personal security service to stand there and just keep you safe while you move out, just in case.

Post # 7
Member
1282 posts
Bumble bee

 

You are so strong. I applaud you for getting out. You got this mama.

You don’t need to do this alone. Call an advocate group, call the police. An officer can be with you when you remove your things. Call the national domestic abuse hotline.

Don’t put yourself in danger for stuff that can be replaced. 

 

Post # 9
Member
1169 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I’m so glad you saw the light and realised you do not have to put up with this! You are absolutely right to leave him and you are so brave! Definitely ask that friend and her husband to help – I know it may be hard to talk about it but having help would be a huge relief and make you safer. Your friend can then also give you ongoing support. Do you know your neighbours at all? If I was a neighbour and you told me what was going on I would definitely help and not rat you out. I don’t know if that would be an option.

In some places there are domestic violence services which may be able to offer you support. You could also ask the police to escort you – even if you don’t want to press charges they can ensure your safety. Finally, if it’s a choice between your belongings and your safety, choose safety! You can do this, we’re all on your side.

Post # 11
Member
30 posts
Newbee

Do a Google search for movers+abused. There are a number of companies that will move you for free, quickly, to get you out of a situation as yours. I wish you the best of luck, healing, and happiness. 

Post # 12
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Please be careful, mama. He clearly has issues so the sooner you can get out of there the better. I am proud of you for taking back control of your life. Do you have people in your life that you can completely trust that will help you over the next few weeks?  Also, if you are able to be sure never to put your location or make your location available on social media, etc because he may be able to locate you that way. Also, at your new job and at the children’s school are you able to use your middle name as your/there last name?  Just trying to think of things to do to keep you safe from this bastard. 

Post # 13
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

you are very courageous.  how ever you do it, please be safe. and if he has children, please leave him when they are with their mother. you dont want him to be pissed off with the children present. and they are alone with him. they also need to be safe. 

 

btw, he is probably bipolar. and needs serious treatment and medication. 

Post # 14
Member
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Shoving you, locking you in a closet, flipping over the chiar you’re sitting in – all of that IS physical abuse. 

And you already seem to have identified the emotiional abuse. 

You are right to leave! How to do it? You’ve already got a good plan started! And yes, you need to keep it a secret. Abuse is based on control. If he thinks he’s loosing his control over you, he will lash out even more. Have a friend help you pack up in a couple of hours. Get a rental car if you need to. Have a place to go – moving to antoher town is a great idea!!! – and if possible try to choose a place that he doens’t have the address for. If he knows where your mom lives, you might not want to go to your mom’s. 

Don’t tell the kids. They won’t be able to keep it a secret. I agree with PP – do it while the kids are with thier mother. Take them out of the equation. 

If you need to contact local police for a restraining order – do it! If you need to take a day off work (maybe let him think you’re working when you’re really packing up the hourse) – do it! If you need to contact local domestic violence non-profits they will also help you physically pack up and they will provide security to prevent him from being violent. 

Get out. Gent out now. Right now. 

You cannot get away on your onw – ask for help!! Friends and family WILL help you! 

Post # 15
Member
28 posts
Newbee

I went through a similar experience as you. I was actually married a short time and his mood swings were out of this world. The verbal/emotional/physical all started too. Be strong. Get out. Ask your friends for help. I moved out on a weekend and he actually helped me pack but then begged me to stay ( he was very bizarre ). I’m a nurse too, and I think some men see us as being too nice and walk all over us. Get out and never look back. From all my reading and research it’s a serious mental illness and his mother *is* largely to blame for how he is as a man today. He will never change and you need a new start. If I could help you move I would. I now want to help every woman who suffers from men like this. It’s unreal what we women have to deal with sometimes.

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