I'm letting someone's comment bug me…so I need to vent and I need advice

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
4805 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

chewy88:  1- I think you’re waaaay overreacting/overthinking. And 2- if you’ve know the BBQ people for years, why fib to her and say you didn’t know them? Why not introduce her around?

Post # 3
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

The most important thing to do is to not compare your relationship to anyone else’s.  Before this comment, you were totally happy, right? So don’t let some random person’s joke bother you! Some couples do everything together, others like to  have their separate lives.  Do what works for you, and don’t worry about anyone else.

Post # 5
Member
2629 posts
Sugar bee

Total overkill on your part.

Post # 6
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee

Talk with your guy. When I first moved to the city my fi lived in (we were LD originally) we hung out every single day, usually from the time we were off til we went home to go to bed.

I love being with him but was going nuts bc I also need alone time and girl time. Turns out he felt the same exact way but didn’t want to hurt my feelings.

if only we had just talked about it from the beginning haha.

Post # 7
Member
3684 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

chewy88:  

To address your questions:

1. Depends who you are and how you hang out with your own friends. I hang out with my boyfriends friends, and he with mine, all the time, we just tend to go together. But if, say, most of my friends were girly girls who wanted to go shopping and get pedicures, then that would probably be different. We tend to hang out at the same places and do the same things, so it is natural for us to all hang out together.

2. You’re free to be offended as you see fit. Should you? I don’t think so, she was nervous and was probably just trying to make conversation by making a joke. I’m super awkward in situations like that and have probably made stupid comments like that as well just out of nervousness. 

3. No, if you had never met his friends, that would be one thing. People obviously know you’re a couple.

4. No, you should just drop it.

5. To each his/her own. What works for one relationship doesn’t necessarily work for others. My FI and I do most things together, that works for us, but there are plenty of couples that need much more time away from their SO to be sane. If you are happy having separate time with friends, then just be happy and don’t worry about it.

Post # 8
Member
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Maybe she and her bf had a argument about him hiding her earlier and it wasn’t really directed at you but, back at herself in a sarcastic way … It was strange but, based on their situation that is my assumption 

Post # 9
Member
8706 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

You went from “Meh, no big deal.” to “Rocketing at twice light speed off to the overreaction universe.”<br /><br />It was an innocent comment. It sounds like she was trying to soften you up by cracking a joke that you took way, way, way wrong.

To answer your questions..

 

1. Depends on the friends. My husband doesn’t see most of his friends at all during the year. Literally zero. That’s the woes of living 1,200 miles away from them. We have very, very, very few friends (Read: Two) that we actually see from time to time and actually CONSIDER friends.

 

2. If you have to ask, the answer is no. Even if you didn’t take a one-way trip to Overreaction Island. She was trying to be friendly. This statement isn’t even something that you could be “offended” over. She didn’t call you a fat, ugly sow.

 

3. Hell if I know. I’m going to assume no, though.

 

4. It will spark an unnecessary argument. Let sleeping dogs lie.

 

5. Depends on the engagement. My husband attends most work functions alone. However, when our (Re-read: very tiny social circle) hold events, we attend together.

Post # 10
Member
7217 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Are you upset about something else? It seems weird that you would think he’s hiding you when you live together. are you engaged or are you waiting for that? 

I think you’re giving her random comment way too much power. 

Post # 11
Member
4639 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think you’re overreacting. Completely.

Her comment was funny. You’ve been in the picture awhile and are in the same position of not knowing anyone.. The comment was dry and sarcastic.

I’d laugh at it, not have a meltdown. It sounds like you have issues in your relationship to take something like this so personally.

Post # 12
Member
1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay over reacting.

Every couple has a different pace that works for them. Some people get along best by doing everything together with their SO and isolating themselves from their friends. Some people get along best by being independent and coming home to SO to tell the tales of their adventures. Most people are probably in the middle.

DO NOT bring this up with SO. He cannot cure you of insecurity. That’s not his job. Calm down, pull yourself together and take the man out to dinner. Then bask in your happy relationship.

Do what feels right for the two of you. There’s no one recipe for happiness. There is no “right” or “wrong” amount of time to spend together or apart. Don’t compare yourself with others. Their recipe won’t work for you anyway. You have to find your own.

Post # 13
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Agreed, if the thought of him ‘hiding’ you hadn’t ocurred before, then it is probably more a function of her tapping into general feelings of insecurity and it’s more about you than what is or isn’t happening in your relationship. If you trust your SO and his family and friends know you enough (you see them perhaps every month or so), I wouldn’t think there is any worry. Sometimes in social situations people open their mouths and say crass things because they feel awkward or they feel the need to put someone else down.

Post # 14
Member
13010 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

1. Yes, totally normal.  Heck we’re so busy, my friends are so busy *I* barely see them 5-10x a year

2. You can be offended by anything you want, but I think most people wouldn’t have given it a second thought.

3. Who knows, do you feel like he is?  You said you knew most his friends there.

 4. No its not worth bringin up and is absolutely ridiculous imo.

 5. Only if they want to.  I have some very good friends that my husband has NEVER come to hang out with when I see them.

Post # 15
Member
1878 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN

chewy88:  so you could have introduced her to the people you did know. And I honestly don’t think she was trying to be rude. I think she was just joking around. I’m not going to say that you’re overreacting, but maybe you are over thinking the situation. I’m totally guilty of doing that too. 

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors