I'm MOH not going to bachelorette – am I a bad person?

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

No, you are not a bad MOH. It’d be different if you planned it, but it’s not something you wanted and can’t afford it. With 3 girls backing out, it should be a signal to the others that this is a bad idea and they should plan something else.

If in addition you have a moral problem with strip clubs (as I do) then the bride should know what you’re like and understand that.

Post # 3
Member
1275 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Can you afford to go to the city for dinner?  Even if you don’t stay at the hotel or go to the strip club (which I wouldn’t do either)?  If not, can you ask the three girls who can’t go if they’d like to plan a lower-key celebration with the bride in town?  Maybe just wine and crafts or something?

Post # 5
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

No. You are never a “bad person” for managing your money responsibly. At the end of the day, you were asked to be MOH to be a supporter on the bride’s wedding day, not during her bachelorette.

Post # 6
Member
12 posts
Newbee

Your not a bad person. I know this may sound a little stupid but a friend of mine was a MOH and she lost her job and still wanted to do something with the bride for the bachlorette so she threw a party at her house instead of going out. Everyone brought food and some people bought some fun stuff for bachlorettes and they watched bride themed movies. Its more about friends being together then just going out at getting trashed, plus you can do a girls night sleep over too. Like i said i know some people will think thats stupid but its an inexpensive way to do a bachlorette. 

Post # 7
Member
502 posts
Busy bee

It sounds like you could have afforded a casino, drinks, dinner, and dancing — but because it’s something you didn’t want, money is an issue. You keep insisting that you don’t think the bride truly wants it (and that she’d prefer what YOU suggested), but guess what — she does!

Do what you like, but as the MOH you should really do your best to be there for the bride in some way, in regards to this bachelorette. Go to at least a part of the evening, and I would suggest stop trying to organize something totally different than what the bride has said she really wants to do.

Post # 8
Member
1779 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Bb225:  My MOH (and bff) didn’t go to my bachelorette. She lives out of state and until a few weeks before the event had lead me to believe she was going. Unfortunately, she decided she couldn’t afford to fly up. Was I hurt and disappointed? Yes! But I never let her know because honestly, I understood. Now that my wedding has passed I don’t even care she wasn’t there.

Moral of the story? Don’t worry about it.

Post # 9
Member
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

In general, I think there are way too many unnecessary expectations placed on being in a bridal party.  A bachelorette party is simply a party.  It has no bearing on the bride’s life as a married woman, your friendship together, or anything else.  It’s a party!  Since when did we start measuring the worth of our friends by how much they’re willing to spend on doing something they don’t want to do just because someone is getting married.  You can go out and party any day of the year, whether she’s married or not.  It’s not that big of a deal.

Post # 12
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

 

Bb225:  Would you be able to make the strip club at the end of the night an optional extra? That way you could start the evening with a simpler, cheaper meal and drinks which you and the other girls who have currently declined could attend before the bride and the girls who do want to go on to the club. That way the bride and ‘pushy’ friend get thier part but you still get to attend and be a part of things as the MOH

Post # 14
Member
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Bb225:  Agreed.  In the grand scheme of a wedding, and in life in general, a bachelorette party is so insignificant.  It’s fun if you can make it, but if you can’t, you can’t.  There are thousands of other ways to support your friends.  

I feel like as a society sometimes we need to stop glorifying brides just because they are people getting married, which is something thousands of people do every year.  Cool, you’re getting married.  I’m so happy for you!  I’d love to come to your wedding and stand up with you and help you with planning and give you a gift for your new life together, because I love you and you are important to me.  But that doesn’t mean you’re the most important person in the world and get to dictate how all my money is spent for 6 months up until the wedding.  

Post # 15
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

 

Bb225:  In that case I think you’ve done all you can. If the bride is your best friend and aware of your financial situation then she has to understand your position. Its really up to the bride to decide what is more important to her, having the big flashy night out with the strip club or having her best friend there with her. As someone whos recently been in the brides position in this equation I can tell you that I initially had lots of ideas of fancy things I wanted to do on my bachelorette but noticed during the planning stage that my best friend and MOH who is usually very bubbly and enthusiastic was being increasingly quiet and reserved, I remembered a couple of comments she’d made recently about her finances, factored in the fact shes a new mum and realised she was worrying about money. I cut the majority of the activites out without any further discussion, was I privately a little disappointed? Yes but shes my best friend and I didn’t want her either there worrying how she was going to pay for it or not there at all.

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