I'm moving backwards and I'm not sure how to stop!!

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
527 posts
Busy bee

anonymousbumblebee123:  Every day, you try a little harder. Like losing weight, you have to stop yourself from eating another cookie. Thoughts of him enter your mind? Get up, get out and take a walk. You remember the hurt? Turn to your fiance and kiss him. You start thinking evil thoughts? Browse your latest bridal magazine. Above all else, push the hurt away and get angry. Angry that you wasted so much time and energy on him. You get angry enough times? You start admonishing yourself for still thinking about a loser. And when that happens? You thank God that he left you so you could find true love. I know you can do it. You can do it, because I did it and millions upon millions of broken hearts before you have done it. You owe yourself your life back.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  GreenBayBee.
  • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  GreenBayBee.
Post # 3
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

anonymousbumblebee123:  Totally agree with PP. Exercise is amazing and fresh air is a nice way to “blow the cobwebs off” like my grandmother used to say. Seriously though, why si it just now that it’s hard? It sounds like you already did the hard stuff. Moving, making new friends, switching jobs, even seeking help when you knew you needed it- that’s really tough stuff! I would try to figure out why now this stuff is rearing it’s ugly head. Is it because of wedding planning? Is there a trigger you are missing? If you can figure out patterns to why your mind goes down these shitty paths, then you will have an easier time cutting them off in the future. 

For what it’s worth, I don’t believe in karma. You make your own happiness, but it sounds like you already learned that. 

Post # 4
31 posts

wow, I thought I had been through a lot with men.  I’m so sorry about those horrible men you encountered.  Well here’s my two cents:

as someone who has been through a lot of heartache with men, I have noticed that when I meet a new promising man, or when milestones happen in my relationship with my SO, I will end up dreaming of one of the men who hurt me. My friend said it’s our minds way of comparing the situations and moving on (she is not a psychologist, just a girlfriend who made me feel better). 

i also had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that even though men from my past didn’t value me, my current SO does.  I think you really have to shut those negative thoughts down immediately or else they will fester.  

our minds do crazy things. I think sometimes we just miss the good times and not the actual person. i think being engaged must be such an emotional time that it’s normal for a lot of emotions to come up.  Definitely avoid Facebook friends of his!  No good can ever come of it.  if you get the urge just stop immediately. Go for a walk, put on TV, read a book, just do not Facebook stalk. 

Post # 5
2 posts

I guess you have to learn to forgive him after all its been four years ago. Time to forgive, forget and move on. You have your fiancee that really love you. Focus your mind on the new phase of life with your fiancee that you both will build. 

Post # 6
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Maybe it is time to try to forgive him because this hate is just tearing you up insider you aren’t forgiving him for him, you are forgiving him for YOU. Hate is like eating position everyday, hope ing that the other person will die. 

Perhaps go back to counselling to work towards forgiveness? 

Post # 7
2064 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1987

I think all that this is just a defence mechanism.  You are about to get married to a lovely guy and so you are unconsciously setting up a few hurdles to jump.

The truth is that you are about to plunge into happiness and this can be very scary.  

I think that it is worth noting that coldness and nastiness and volatility and selfishness are their own punishment.  The tragedy is that the cold, nasty, volatile, selfish person cannot see this and so cannot change.  The other tragedy is the new woman in his life who has presumably given up her marriage for him.  She will have to endure the lifetime of misery that you have escaped, unless, of course, he is struck by the bolt of lightening you keep wishing on him.

Keep busy, have fun, hug your FI and don’t look at any more photos on facebook.

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