Post # 1
Alright, I’m not the bride, just the sister of the groom. I have a situation and thought I’d ask you brides for advice.
I have three brothers and was asked to be a BM in the weddings of both of my brothers. Now the last bachelor is getting married and I was really excited about the wedding and I assumed I would Be a BM. I just found out that all the siblings on both sides, bride and groom, will be in the bridal party but me. But here is the thing, future SIL is asking ONE of her three future SILs (meaning my two brothers wives and myself)to be a BM. I am deeply hurt because out of the three of us future SILs, I am the actual blood relative and sibling of the groom. I know it is not my wedding but if the situation were reversed, I would ask either ALL the future SILs to be attendants or none.
To make it worse, I was there when the bride asked my SIL to be a BM. 🙁
i have tried since I met the bride to foster a relationship with her. I ask about her life, encourage her, text her to say hi I was thinking of you, and generally tried to take an interest in her and reach out. at the engagement party, I privately told the bride i would be more than glad to help with wedding planning and would do grunt work, etc. I Was super excited and literally counting down the days!!!
i see no point in discussing any of this with the bride because she made her decisions and it is her wedding. I was hoping to have a close relationship with her and I feel shut out and and rejected.
Family is increbily important to me and I have tried so hard to form relationships with my other two SILs and they clearly favor their own blood And dont seem interested in having a close bond with me. all I wanted was friendships with them and Really has not happened. I had hopes that this last SIL would be different but it is not looking like it.
Post # 3
@ArmyWifeAnnie: I think I am confused about who is who. So your two SILs were asked to be BMs but you weren’t? Tell me about this blood thing. Who is related to who? It was a little confusing…
Although I find it in horrible taste for the bride to ask your SIL in front of you, ultimately it’s her choice. Does she hang out with them more?
Post # 4
Give it some time. She may come around…you may still get the close relationship you’re seeking from her.
Look at the positives of NOT being a bridesmaid…YOU get to wear the dress YOU choose to wear to the wedding!! That is seriously awesome!!! I’ve been in 8 weddings before, all the dresses were serious trash.
So remember the upsides of this whole thing….
Post # 5
@WillyNilly: The bride asked her brothers wife…but not her, or her other brothers wife
Post # 6
Other folks don’t sound so sympathetic :/
Sorry you feel shut out. Thats really hard. I can’t imagine what she was thinking. We had to make the choice of including some, all, or none of our siblings and we picked none because we just didn’t want to leave anyone out (and also didn’t want 10 bridesmaids). I hope things work out better than they are.
Post # 7
Wow I just posted a whole long post and I got an error!!!
Post # 8
Pretty much My fiance and I werent asked to be in her wedding even though EVERY other brother and their wifes or girlfriends we asked to be in the wedding… It hurt our feelings, it was pretty crappy!! but hey I am not going to have her in our wedding just so she can see how if feels.
I had a lot a lot more written in the last post 🙁 but it sicks and Im sorry!! 🙁
Post # 9
I don’t think that’s right. It’s not like your brother has 5 sisters that his future wife would be expected to put in her bridal party. You are his ONLY sister. And I think it’s a totally slap in your face that she didn’t ask you. I would be upset if when my brother got engaged his fiancé didn’t ask me to be in her bridal Party. He’s your brother. It’s the right thing to do. My fiancé is having my brother in his bridal party because he’s my only brother and it means something to me.
Post # 10
Is she actually closer to that one brothers wife? Sorry, but I dont think being a sibling automaticallly puts you in the wedding party of your SO. Both of you pick who you want to stand up there by you based on your own relationship with them, not your SO’s imo.
Post # 11
I really don’t think that you should have made assumptions like that based on your other two brother’s weddings. Part of the problem is her not thinking about expectations of others- which might have been a bit thoughtless. The other side is, your expectations were too high and based on your experiences. Maybe that’s not how it’s done in her family/ with her friends!! This doesn’t Mean that you won’t have close relationship with her in the future 🙂
Post # 12
@pinkshoes: I respectfully disagree. So just because I have a brother and not a sister it means he can’t be in the wedding, unless my fiancé is kind enough to “let” him be in? It’s not like she’s friends with this guy and wants to be in the wedding party. She’s his SISTER. It’s perfectly natural to feel upset and hurt by feeling excluded. A wedding is about 2 people and bringing 2 families together. Even if my fiancé had a sister and I hated her, I would still include she because she’s his sister and its the right thing to do.
Post # 13
How many bridesmaids is she having altogether? If shes decided on a small number i understand her perspective (like myself, it was v important to have v small wedding party)but it’s different if she’s choosing a large group of ladies and leaving you out IMO
Post # 14
@FoxyBride14: Well yes, if you want your brother standing up on your FI side, I do believe he has to agree and want him as a gm. You don’t get to dictate his GMs as he doesn’t get to choose your BMs. Feelings can be hurt, but there’s no “right” or “wrong” to it. She didnt pick both the brothers wives and leave her out, she picked one. It sounds they could just be closer.
Post # 15
I asked my fiance’s sister to be my bridesmaid. She and I currently aren’t that close. I like her and think she’s fun and interesting, but she lives in Chicago so I see her maybe a couple times a year.
I see it as recognition that even though I’m not close to her now, she will be a very important part of my life starting that day.
That being said, I don’t expect her to choose me as a bridesmaid for her wedding. However, I would absolutely expect her future fiance to choose my fiance as a groomsman.
Basically, I agree that it was rude of her to choose a none blood relative of your brother’s over you. But it might be a little more complicated. Maybe she has a limited bridal party and had to make cuts, and the sister-in-law that was chosen would have been picked even if she wasn’t a blood relative.
Maybe she felt indebted to the SIL for another reason (was she made a bridesmaid in her wedding? Did the SIL help her in her relationship?).
I agree with @WillyNilly:, being a bridesmaid is hard work and a lot of money/responsibility. Being a guest, especially family, is awesome. You get all the benefits without any of the work.
Post # 16
I don’t believe in siblings-automatically-being-in-the-wedding party, whether you have 1 sibling or 6 (as I do). I also don’t think it has to be all or nothing. I have 3 sisters and 2 brothers. I asked *1* sister to be a bridesmaid. I asked another sister to do a reading. One of my brothers walked me down the aisle, because our dad passed away. Yup, that means two of my siblings did nothing–but who cares? I’m not quite as close to them, they still came to the wedding and had a great time, and there were no hurt feelings at all.
My husband has only 1 sister, and I didn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid, either. For a lot of reasons, but none of those reasons are that I don’t like her. But she and I had only met 1-2 times before the wedding.
I wanted a small bridal party…2-3 girls max, and I only wanted my nearest/dearest. So unless my husband’s sister happened to be one of my best friends, they would not be in my bridal party. My husband also wanted HIS closest friends as his groomemen, rather than my 2 brothers. Totally understandable and makes sense to me.
I would find it very awkward to spend an entire day getting ready and being half naked with people I hardly know. Instead, I had a great, relaxing morning with my 3 besties!