- 7 years ago
- Wedding: May 2016
Ok – my BF has super-anxiety issues. He’s terrified of ebing a groomsman in our best friend’s wedding this summer, fearing he’ll sneeze, cough, anything that upset the bride and groom and draws attention to him. For years he’s stated that weddings are intended to embarass the groom by making him stand up there waiting for the bride, etc. He feels this way in lots of situations, and can panic in a resutarant if something is dropped nearby, because he feels everyone is looking at him, negatively judging him, and so on. He will not get medicated for it, as his brother tried that and it had horrible side effects.
This weekend while telling him about a stupid wedding-ish dream I’d had (Dreamed we were getting married in his office on Monday, so I went to work in a very poofy, non-me wedding dress to be sure not to be late – I think I was worried about being tardy for something, and it wasn’t really a wedding-dream), he asked about some silly things I’d posted to Facebook from Wedinator, asking if I was ‘hinting’. I told ho no, they’d just ahd a lot of funny stuff lately, while Lolcats had been boring. He then tells me, “I’m not afraid of marriage, I just hate weddings. Also I’m not getting along with my family right now, and everything I do will be judged or seen as copying.” (His little brother just got engaged this fall) I told him I didn’t need a wedding, as I have no family and no one really to invite. (Friends would be nice, but we’re not well-off and as I said, I have no family to help out and I would not feel right with HIS family helping out, so anythig would have to be simple and small) He quipped, “There’s always Vegas,” to which I replied I was fine with that. Then he got up from the coffee counter we were sitting at told me he was going to browse some books in antoher aprt of the shop (I wasnt done with my Smoothie, but he’d been finished a while).
I know this sounds pathetic to some of you ladies, but this was actually almost progress – I’ve pretty much NEVER brought it up over the years we’ve been together, maybe once a year if that because it just upset both of us,and I’d been thinking I could train myself to not care about being married. I’ve learned I can’t, at least not yet. This was good because #1 – I didn’t break down crying. #2 – I’m realizing a lot of it has to do with his anxiety and I’ve seen in the past how many things he’s truley wanted to do he’s avoided so he couldn’t embarass himself. #3 – I’m still going to wait till the wedding in June to have a hardcore converation, but it was nice to be abel to talk abot it – he used to be super disparaging about it, and in the last 6 months he’s gotten to be far less so. I just wanted to share. Thanks.