Post # 1
So I’m no really up on the etiquette of giving gifts at a wedding but I do know people give them. I originally wasn’t going to do a registry but I thought it would be kindof a good idea so I either a) don’t get 50 toasters or b) I don’t get another kitchen aide since my grandma said she would get me one for my wedding but I bought myself one and don’t want anyone to spend $500 since they may not know I already have one (she does but my OOT relatives might not all know this but do know I wanted one). I casually mention this to my mom since I don’t know how to do one and she looks at me like I’m nuts and says “you shouldn’t do that. People don’t like giving wedding gifts and you will be being greedy.” Now I don’t really want or expect a crap-ton of presents I just wanted people to know a general direction to go in IF they feel the need to get me something. I wouldn’t be including $1000 china or anything. I’m just really lost on how to take this.
Post # 3
hmmm… not sure why your mom would say “you shouldn’t do that”
People will decide whether or not to buy you a gift or presentation regardless. If they are buying you a gift they or may not use the registry. Some people love them because they can buy you exactly what you want without the guess work. Maybe you should explain to your mom that some people will likely be buying you gifts regardless and this will make things easier on them.
Post # 4
Since when do people not like to give wedding gifts? My shower was today and people were more excited about giving me gifts than I was about receiving them!
Post # 5
I think she thinks I’m going to put a like $900 set of sheets on it or something ridiculous in general which I won’t. I need things like a vacuum but the $50 walmart one is perfect I don’t need a dyson or something like that. I don’t know where it’s really coming from actually. It caught me off guard.
Post # 6
Times have changed. People EXPECT you to have a registry. Just don’t put the info in your invite…that’s still considered “tacky”.
Post # 7
Most people I know would think you were being deliberately difficult by not creating a registery. People feel like they have better things to do then try to guess what you want or need. Save some headaches, create a registry with low priced, mid range and high priced items. If you are having a bridal shower you need even more items on your registry. Times have changed registries are expected now. Happy scanning!
Post # 8
exactly what PP’s have said; it’s EXPECTED now. and yes, people generally assume they should bring a gift to a wedding, and it takes the guess-work out of it. It’s more of an alieviation of gift-giving anxiety and questions than a greedy action.
Post # 9
I think you definitely should do a registry. It helps out the gift-giver a lot…and I’m pretty sure most people will get you a gift!
Post # 10
I agree with the other bees. Definitely do a registry. There will be plenty of guests that will appreciate some guidance (I know I do when searching for a gift because I HATE giving money and want to give the bride/groom something they actually want!)
ALSO, don’t shy away from putting high ticket items on your registry if you really want/need them. Even if no one buys them for you, a lot of stores will give you a 10%-20% coupon after your wedding to buy them yourself! 🙂 We registered at Target, Sears (new TV is definitely on there and we definitely don’t expect anyone to get us that!), and Bed, Bath, and Beyond for that very reason.
Post # 11
It’s kind of a double edged sword. You’re supposed to register so people know not to get you something someone else bought, but we’re also not supposed to expect gifts.
I’d just set up a registry and forget about it. If you get something from it, cool. If not, oh well.
Post # 12
How do I let people know that I have a registry if I’m not allowed to mention it in the invite (I’ve been seeing that done with a lot of DIY invites) and many of them will NOT go to a wedding website so I haven’t made one. The reason I wasn’t going to do one is I don want people thinking they HAVE to get me something but I decided to since it would be easier like you all said but now I’m told it’s greedy to make one. I am oblivious to wedding etiquette…
Post # 13
If this is your first wedding, you SHOULD register. Second or more wedding, no registry. If someone is throwing you a shower, then registry info CAN go on that invitation–the whole purpose of that party is to bring you a gift to help set up your home together.
The wedding is to celebrate your marriage, not set you up in your new home. No registry info on that invite. That is strictly word of mouth (if there wasn’t a shower) and yes, people will ask. Many people just give money–and there’s nothing wrong with money:)
Post # 14
@Corilee13: I didn’t put the info on my invite, but I made separate cards with our website link and password on them and just tucked them in the envelope with the invite.
I think that if you get a wedding website with maps/directions/bridal party info and toss the registry info on it, that it should be ettiquite acceptable.
Post # 15
@Corilee13: I’m certainly not up on the etiquette either, and I do plan to have a wedding website and put whatever registry info on there. But a good friend of mine’s wedding is coming up, and what she did was not put any info on the invite. So I asked her if she had any gift preferences, and she told me they were hoping for contributions to their honeymoon and that they were also registered at Store A and Store B. I guess someone could interpret that as being greedy, but I thought it was just them being honest about what they wanted most and giving people options. I can’t say I understand where your mom got the idea that a registry is greedy, but I would suggest trying to let it go and do a registry however you want. Maybe she’s just seen too many expensive registries??
Post # 16
You should absolutely have a registry, and you can tell your mom that I am probably closer to her age than yours and I’m a total stickler for etiquette.. so I’m right. ha ha.