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I think the tradition came about because parents traditionally paid for the wedding. It's different now, and in your case, I think you're doing more than enough already for your parents!
The tradition is to thank your parents for their help and involvement and the wedding planning and to honour them in a way.
If you don't feel this is warranted than don't do it! IMO there is no point in giving a gift unless it comes from the heart and in your case it seems you would be doing it out of tradition.
I am sure they aren't expecting anything and so they probably won't notice! You are doing more than enough!
We bought gifts for our parents because a) they had financially contributed to the wedding and b) their emotional support had really made the process easy - they hadn't tried to dictate guest lists or menu items or anything, they'd always been excited and happy for us, they were just great. Just as we bought gifts to thank our wedding party for their support, we felt our parents deserved something too. We gave them framed photos from the location of our wedding (in the mountains) so it was like a souvenir as well.
Whether you wish to honour your parents this way is totally up to you. You only mention financial things, but if they have been important in other ways to the process I do think it's something to consider.
You could also just give sentimental gifts - give your Mom a special corsage or your bouquet, give your Dad a photo collage of you and him - just as a "thanks for raising me" kind of gift.
See, I thought this was the reason - a sort of thank you for everything you have done for me/us.
In my case, my thank you to my parents is really done every day, every time I pay a bill, I bought them their car, etc. Also, I have issues that go WAY back with my Dad and yet, I'm still putting that aside and he is walking me down the aisle.
With my FI parents, it has been very hit and miss. He has three sets - one has been a nightmare, one is supportive and sweet, the other set gave us a great honeymoon present in the form of a timeshare.
Is it weird if we gift our parents separately as we see fit - and don't CALL it a wedding gift?
Sure!
Families are complicated - whatever YOU think works best for you guys is what you should do!
I guess you don't have to give them gifts. I am paying for my own wedding and still giving them gifts for raising me and helping me get the this day. Its a sign of appreciation.
@Miss Peace - It sounds to be like you are very appreciative of all your parents have done for you, and you see the meaning of a gift at the wedding as a thank you for 'everything' as opposed to a thank you related to the wedding itself.
This was actually my original question - which one IS IT? I wasn't saying that I didn't feel they deserved gifts because they hadn't contributed financially to our wedding. I hope it didn't come off that way, but maybe it did...
I was actually kind of wondering the same thing. Is it a wedding thing, or thanks for raising me thing? lol.
I always took it to be a combination of the two - basically part "thanks for raising me and getting me to this point" and part "thanks for supporting/helping out with the wedding" (be that financial, emotional, donating time, etc).
I wrote my folks a nice card, and I gave them a photo album for Christmas. They had specifically asked me to NOT get anything big for them.
OH! Erin that is perfect. I will do photos for everyone at Christmas since we are getting married right before the holidays. That is a great idea.
Good question. I honestly have not heard of that tradition at all, nor has anyone else I know heard of it. Alot of parents are not involved in wedding planning at all, and some couples don't have relationships with them either so a gift doesn't make sense in the latter situation.
@ChristaLynn - I think it's what you want to make it. It can be for contributing towards the wedding or thanking them for being there and raising you.
We actually did our parents' gifts separate. We did more for my parents than we did for his b/c my parents gave us a lot of help financially for the wedding while his parents didn't really. We didn't want his parents feeling slighted either b/c we did want to thank them for raising him. We got my parents gift cards for a bunch of restaurants around their city (totalling $500) while we got his parents a new digital camera. My parents really have everything they need and going out to dinner is definitely their thing. We did it separately right before the wedding so that neither family felt awkward about what the other received. I think you could do the same if you only want to give one set of parents something.
I asked my parents if they wanted a gift (they are paying for the wedding) and they got kind of offended that I even wanted to give them a gift. They said you shouldn't buy a gift for a gift and they consider the wedding money a gift to me. I just decided to buy them a nice photobook for Christmas.
On the flip side, my FMIL said she can't wait to see what I get her as a gift (without me mentioning it). I told her we didn't have anything set aside for a gift for her. She hasn't paid a dime towards the wedding, offered to do anything that needs to be done, and hasn't given us an ounce of support. WTH would we buy her ANYTHING?!
I gave my parents a "thank you for raising me" gift...but I didn't do it at the wedding...I'm actually in kinda the same boat as you...Dh and I sort of support both our sets of parents...so we paid for the wedding ourselves and then some...but we did give all of our parents smaller versions of our wedding album when they came in.
Mine came after the wedding. I was not raised by my parents but I (we) gave my inlaws a photobook of the wedding with lines from our vows and favorite love quotes inscribed in it and dedicated the section with their pics and us with a nice note. Same for my family. Did this bc it had nothing to do with the wedding process persay but for supporting us a couple starting our new life. I look at is as a Thank you for getting us to the most important step in our life kinda thing.
I'm not getting my FMIL a "Thank you for raising him" present either because she was a lousy mother. She drank all the time, ignored him, let his father beat him, and stole money constantly from her own son! Since his father passed away she is just a drunk though and re-married a decent man that actually took an interest in my FI and turned him into a good man. He is my FI's BM so naturally he will get a gift. My FMIL? Heck no.
I don't hate my FMIL by any stretch of the imagination, but we surea won't be all that close with each other.
@serasvictoria, sounds like my Mom except mine just left when I was 12 and that was it. I don't blame you for not wanting to give her a gift. Also what kinda person says they can't wait to see what kind of gift you got them???? WTF?
@MissGreen: Oh she does stuff like that ALL the time. She gave me 9 of these glass cheese covers and says "I can't wait to see what you do with these for the wedding." Um...I have 12 tables so I can't use them as centerpieces, all my other decorations are done and set, so I have no idea what I will use them for....but now I feel obligated to use them....somehow. :-/
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I don't understand gifts for the parents.
I'm torn. No one in our family has stepped up to help with anything wedding related or otherwise to this day. No one helped us move into our house, offered to assist financially, nothing. In fact, on my side we actually give my parents money each month to help them out with bills, are hosting them here are our house during the wedding and paying for their attire.
What is the reason for buying parents' gifts?
(please, hold the snark on this one... I genuinely just don't know the reason behind this tradition...)