(Closed) I’m not bitter, just confused!

posted 7 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

I think the tradition came about because parents traditionally paid for the wedding. It’s different now, and in your case, I think you’re doing more than enough already for your parents!

Post # 4
Member
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

The tradition is to thank your parents for their help and involvement and the wedding planning and to honour them in a way.

If you don’t feel this is warranted than don’t do it! IMO there is no point in giving a gift unless it comes from the heart and in your case it seems you would be doing it out of tradition. 

I am sure they aren’t expecting anything and so they probably won’t notice! You are doing more than enough!

Post # 5
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

We bought gifts for our parents because a) they had financially contributed to the wedding and b) their emotional support had really made the process easy – they hadn’t tried to dictate guest lists or menu items or anything, they’d always been excited and happy for us, they were just great. Just as we bought gifts to thank our wedding party for their support, we felt our parents deserved something too. We gave them framed photos from the location of our wedding (in the mountains) so it was like a souvenir as well.

Whether you wish to honour your parents this way is totally up to you. You only mention financial things, but if they have been important in other ways to the process I do think it’s something to consider.

Post # 6
Member
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

You could also just give sentimental gifts – give your Mom a special corsage or your bouquet, give your Dad a photo collage of you and him – just as a “thanks for raising me” kind of gift.

Post # 8
Member
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Sure!

Families are complicated – whatever YOU think works best for you guys is what you should do!

Post # 9
Member
516 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I guess you don’t have to give them gifts. I am paying for my own wedding and still giving them gifts for raising me and helping me get the this day. Its a sign of appreciation.

Post # 11
Member
5499 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I was actually kind of wondering the same thing. Is it a wedding thing, or thanks for raising me thing? lol.

Post # 12
Member
13102 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I always took it to be a combination of the two – basically part “thanks for raising me and getting me to this point” and part “thanks for supporting/helping out with the wedding” (be that financial, emotional, donating time, etc).

Post # 13
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I wrote my folks a nice card, and I gave them a photo album for Christmas.  They had specifically asked me to NOT get anything big for them.  

Post # 15
Member
4486 posts
Honey bee

Good question. I honestly have not heard of that tradition at all, nor has anyone else I know heard of it. Alot of parents are not involved in wedding planning at all, and some couples don’t have relationships with them either so a gift doesn’t make sense in the latter situation.

Post # 16
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

@ChristaLynn – I think it’s what you want to make it. It can be for contributing towards the wedding or thanking them for being there and raising you.

We actually did our parents’ gifts separate. We did more for my parents than we did for his b/c my parents gave us a lot of help financially for the wedding while his parents didn’t really. We didn’t want his parents feeling slighted either b/c we did want to thank them for raising him. We got my parents gift cards for a bunch of restaurants around their city (totalling $500) while we got his parents a new digital camera. My parents really have everything they need and going out to dinner is definitely their thing. We did it separately right before the wedding so that neither family felt awkward about what the other received. I think you could do the same if you only want to give one set of parents something.

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