Post # 1
So I got this bridal shower invite the other day for a bride I barely know. I’m very close with the groom — our families were best friends growing up so let’s call him cousin-ish closeness. I’ve only met the bride twice.
They live on the west coast, so when I got the shower invite and saw it was for her I immediately knew I wouldn’t be going. Not about to fly out there for a bridal shower, ya know? Then I saw the registry info was printed right there on the invite, which really rubs me the wrong way even if it shouldn’t. I still feel like the invite itself shouldn’t include that… I mean there was already an extra insert in there with driving directions. Why couldn’t the registry have been on the insert instead of printed right there under “come celebrate XXXX’s bridal shower!”?
But anyway, I figured since I’m a) not going to the shower; b) not having a shower myself for which she could reciprocate with a gift; and c) I barely know her, I won’t worry myself with sending a gift to her shower.
I did LOOK at the registry, though, and yowsa does this bride ever have expensive tastes. I can’t understand people who register for such pricey things, and ONLY pricey things. It just seems like a dick move, like reminding your guests “ha! you are not rich enough to afford the things that I want! I am better than you!”
Yeah, feeling pretty secure in my decision not to gift on this one. Oh, and the shower invite, which was printed on super duper duper thick cardstock paper, has been making a great straight-edge and extra-glue-absorber in my quest to make programs 🙂
Edit: The registry info wasn’t just listed on the invite itself — it was the second line on there, in the same size font as the “come celebrate XXX’s bridal shower.” The date and time and all that were further down and in smaller font. I figure they could at least have put it at the bottom in a smaller font …
Post # 3
They probably just invited all the women who were invited to the wedding…
Post # 4
I have local friends who didn’t come and didn’t gift to mine. Not that I minded, I just bring it up as an agreement with your sentiment. A gift is not obligated for an invitation.
This is also why I left most OOT people off the list when my BMs requested one. I didn’t think it was fair to ask those people to make the trek. Some family chose to come from out of state, and that was awesome of them.
Post # 5
@MrsPom: I’m sure of it. I have no problem with being invited and I’m sure nobody actually expected me to be there.
I might have gotten her something small if the registry wasn’t all big-ticket items. That was just so off-putting! I think the cheapest thing on there was like $30 — and of course that was long since purchased by the time I got on there. All that was left by the time I saw it was $50 and up. Not shelling out like that for someone I barely know!
Post # 6
What’s the difference if it’s printed right on the invite or if an insert is in the card? I only ask because I listed it right on my invite and have received many invites this way. I registered at Kohl’s and they would only give me 30 inserts so instead of trying to copy them it was easier just to list it on the invite and get rid of the insert all together.
But to your real question I wouldn’t buy her a gift either. I am sure she just invited you to be nice, and knew that you really wouldn’t travel that far just for a wedding shower.
Post # 7
I understand not giving her a gift, since you guys aren’t very close. However, I don’t think it’s a big deal that she printed her registry info on the bridal shower invitation. Getting gifts is the point of a shower. I would only be offended if someone wrote it on a wedding invitation.
Post # 8
@PinkFlemingo: The shower is not just for the bride-it’s gifts to help the couple start their life. If it’s all big ticket items (and I dont consider $50 to be a big ticket item), the groom is just as much at fault.
Post # 9
I think it was the whole combination of things that just rubbed me wrong. Like, I’m invited to an event that nobody expects me to attend … and am reminded right there in the second sentence about where to get a gift … and then I go look at the gifts and they’re all super expensive. Any one or two of those and I wouldn’t have batted an eyelash, but all three together just made me feel like poop.
Perhaps it all hearkens back to that wedding jealousy thing. I’m not even having a shower, and my entire wedding budget is about the same as her wedding DRESS budget, and here I am looking at an invitation to an event where $100+ gifts are apparently the norm. It’s a whole different world.
Maybe I should just be glad I live out here and have a built-in excuse! My mom and sister will have to go to the shower … and I’m sure they don’t feel like spending that kind of dough either.
Post # 10
I thought it was expected that the shower invite had the registry info on it….I thought it was just the wedding invitation that people were still fussy about.
I guess a bride can’t win! You register for only what you need, you’re too expensive, you register for cheaper stuff that you don’t need just to give a price range, the item never gets used and the giver’s gift is wasted. You don’t register at all, people assume you want cash, which is rude!
FWIW, if I wanted to give a gift, but everything were out of my price range, I would simply give them a gift card to that store. We had several people do that for us, and it was great! We got to apply them toward bigger-ticket items.
Post # 11
I’m sure it’s fine to not get her a gift, I certainly wouldn’t expect one.
As for printing the registry information on the shower invite, I’m also under the impression that that’s ok etiquette-wise, as it’s not you sending the invitation but someone throwing the shower for you. I bet my MOHs print it directly on there as well. Hope no one is offended!
Post # 12
@PinkFlemingo: Food for thought for your mom and sis, just because she has $100 gifts on her registry doesn’t mean they have to get them. They could joint gift one item, or do gift cards to the store. I received both at my shower. Or they could get her something different, but still useful, like a restaurant gift card. I got some of those too, and actually really appreciated them because FI and I don’t go out much anymore in order to save money.
Post # 13
@atalante: Totally agree with this. Sometimes all that’s left is really big ticket items.
Also, sometimes people register for those expensive items not because they expect people to buy them but because they want the completion discount.
Post # 14
Chances are someone else is throwing the shower and the bride had no input on the wording for the invitation. Either way, I think it’s fine to include registry info for a bridal shower. I’d probably just send a nice card and a gift card to the store her registry is from.
Post # 15
I wouldn’t send one, either. Also, I didn’t invite OOT guests to my shower because I didn’t want them to feel obligated to send me anything.
Post # 16
@kate02121: I just edited the original post to better describe the part that was off about the invite having the registry. I’d have no problem with it being in a smaller font near the bottom, but right there at the top in large font was awfully weird. Like it was the sole focus of the event! I mean I guess it IS, but I like to at least pretend it isn’t all about the gifts, y’know?
Both the bride and groom are verrrrry well-off. I wouldn’t be surprised if it never occurred to her that some people can’t/don’t want to spend that much on her gift.