Weddingbee boards

Well, it's been an emotional ride up until this point. And I've decided that I don't really want to be engaged anymore. I still love him, and I still plan to marry him, but nothing is working, and I'm not sure I can handle being engaged indefinitely. I've been thinking about this for a while now, and I just feel like I have to share them with someone because it's been driving me mad keeping it (mostly) all to myself. My BF isn't very emotional ( ok, as emotional as a brick) and rarely talks about anything. Essentially I got, "It's whatever you think is best." And that's probably about as much as it will be discussed or talked about...

• My parents, nor his parents are really thrilled about the idea of their "little babies" getting married. His mother has been dealing with health problems and various other family problems as well. My family is just frustrated with him and how different he sees things. Opposites attract though right? Although I will admit, our differences in upbringing have been making us a little more irritated with each other lately.
• We can't ever set a date and stick with it. His financial aid didn't come through and has pushed his graduation date back to the day before we were supposed to get married. And, he wanted to be done with his probationary period at his new job before we got married.
• As I previously stated, I could barely deal with the fact that I had to wait 1 year and a half to marry him, much less not know when I was going to be able to, considering we're working around my school schedule. We haven't found any dates around our last date that will work.

I just, can't do this. I've spent most of our engagement crying over things that keep getting in the way. I can't do it anymore. I've been genuinely depressed since the day after he popped the question. All the negativity, all the setbacks, have just gotten to me.

I'm not sure that I will be on the boards much, although I did enjoy all of the posts and pictures and stories.

I also have to hand it to all of you brides who have long engagements, I just can't do it.

I know I wasn't a long time member or anything, but I can't wait to be back when I can really plan a wedding that is really going to happen, without hitch, without uncertainty.

@juhneenee: Yeah. We're still going to date, it just seems as though nothing in the cosmos wants us to get married, so I guess that's how it is.

@juhneenee: Thank you. I hope that one day it happens as well. I thought that engagements were supposed to be happy and excited. I was very mistaken.

Oh my gosh, I am SO SORRY to hear that you weren't happy post-engagement. What a painful feeling.

I hope things work out for you.

I also get the sense that the graduation date and your parents insecurities about you two is really not the reason that you want to call off the engagement. (These are just some of the 'normal' wedding related issues that most people go through.) Is there something you are not telling us?

@The Unsuspecting Bride: He's supportive I guess. Like I said, he's about as emotional as a brick, and it takes him months to actually open up about any one topic that may or may not be bothered with. I spent most of the engagement crying because of the negativity that I was getting from everyone, and then everything just, didn't work. Everything we'd tried to do has fallen apart, and I just, I don't know.

@Sasha2011:We have been fighting a little more than usual, which is typical I guess for some brides during the wedding planning process. I happened to pick a stubborn guy who has an issue cutting the umbilical cord. I'm mad at him for not getting more information about the financial aid sooner. I'm mad because he can't seem to make a decision without asking every member of his family what they think. For example, my mother offered to help him with some of the ring cost, since she knows he's trying to finish school and probably wouldn't have the whole sum by the time we were supposed to get married. He decided to ask his mom, dad, sister and her husband about it. And they all said no, that it was a bad idea, so it suddenly became a bad idea. Now, my mom wasn't just going to hand over $100 or $200 just because. He was supposed to pay her back. I mean, if anyone has seen the way my mom has been handling this whole situation, this is a clear indication that she's putting her doubts, worries and fears aside in order to help... I'm also irritated because he's telling me that he has a plan to make things works, when in all actuality, he has nothing. He's just been so damned postive, and I feel like I've had to deal with all of the emotion overload I've got, all by myself. Since he doesn't show emotion, when I'm sitting here crying my eyes out, all he says is "It'll be ok. I'll figure something out."or "I don't what to say." And sure, I know he doesn't. But sometimes I just want to strangle him for not getting on top of these things, knowing that without this financial aid, we wouldn't be able to get married because he wouldn't graduate.

Maybe my emotions are getting the best of me. But I told him when the idea of marriage first came up, that if he was going to propose, that I didn't want to be engaged for 2 years or more. That I would drive myself crazy with that much time on my hands. I'm impatient and he knows this.

I just hate limbo. I hate not knowing.

I'll also add the fact that the job he was getting was here, where I live. Of course, he can't live with me because we'd be "living in sin" and his parents wouldn't approve. I get being respectful and everything, but seriously? When you're 21, you've supported yourself for 4 years, you should be able to make choices like these for yourself. And that's another thing that annoys me. But I mentioned that above when I said something about not cutting the cord.

I'm sorry. My Thanksgiving was horrible and I'm currently an emotional wreck. I know that I probably sound like a bitch or a brat. But I have to vent to someone. My friends aren't really interested in anything I have to say, and they've been ignoring me since I got engaged...

@MightySapphire: Me too. If I would have known about it at the beginning of the relationship, I probably wouldn't have agreed to date him at the time. But, it took about a year in before I realized that there was an issue. At first, I didn't think anything of it, until I mentioned living together one day, and how I saw nothing wrong with it. He said he didn't either, but that his parents would be mad, mainly his mother. And then all these things just started popping up and I realized the full extent of everything.

@ArwenBride: Thank you. I've been feeling like I'm being bitchy lately. And see, he is the type of person who plans everything, then plans another plan just in case. I honestly think he's either not ready to get married or there's something else that he's not telling me, but of course, he won't tell me, even if I ask him about it.

And if he's not ready, fine. But I just feel like he should have waited to ask until he was positive.

Wow, that's really terrible that your friends have been so unsupportive. I don't think you sound like a bitch or a brat at all. From what you've told us here, I think you sound very reasonable and mature. I think calling off the engagement was the right thing to do for now, and I hope things get better in the future.

I can empathize too, about him not being able to make his own decisions. I dated a momma's boy once and lord, never again. You're both still quite young, so hopefully this is something he'll grow out of. It takes some guys a bit of time to cut the cord, but eventually they grow up to be their own person. Sadly though, some never do.

@sulaii211: It's limbo because as of now, we have no date in mind. So, I may be engaged for 2 years, 3 years or 5.

I personally didn't want a long engagement. But that's just me. I'm impatient. He knew this when he proposed.