Post # 1
While I do not have the ring yet, it is something that me and my SO talk about frequently and is in the near future. One thing that often hits both of our nerves is the topic of sisters in the wedding party. We both come from mixed families; I have an older step sister and 2 younger half sisters; SO has 5 younger half sisters and 2 step sisters. I am not close to my sisters (I wasn’t in my older step sisters wedding) and SO sees only his step sisters and one half sister on a somewhat regular basis while the other 4 half sisters live in Texas while we all live in Ohio. He says that even if I don’t have my sisters, all of his are to be in the wedding. His common response to my “No” is “Well Sarah (SO’s sister-in-law) had all of them in hers.” I object to this because of the following reasons :
1) His sisters who live in Texas live there because his mother ran off with her second husband to live there and later got divorced, and because of custody reasons, they have to live down there. SO rarely talks to his mother and sisters and doesn’t have what I would call a close relationship; maybe a phone call to each on their birthdays and a quick hi on holiday calls.
2) I’m not close to my sisters and having his sisters in the wedding and not mine is definitely calling for some serious backlash from my father and his wife (I don’t have a great relationship with either of them either but that’s a different post.)
3) I have many other women in my mind who I want want to be standing beside me as I take my vows. My 3 best friends, 2 cousins who are more sisters than my real ones, sorority sisters, college roommates…all equaling 8 BEFORE adding his 7 sisters and my 3. THAT’S ALMOST 20 PEOPLE!!!
In my mind, the only way to be fair is to be unfair, either have them all or have none. Am I being selfish? I have no brothers, SO has 2 that can easily be placed in his party with plenty of room for his friends. I feel SO is not listening to my feelings and can’t sympathize because none of my siblings are going to make a dent in his wedding party. I need to know how to prepare myself when the questions comes up from either my side or SO’s about why there will not be any sisters in the wedding. I’m sorry for such a long post but this is something that will definitely be up for debate when the time comes. Help me bees!
Post # 3
I didn’t have my sister or SIL in my bridal party. It’s not selfish to pick those you feel closest to to stand up for you.
Post # 4
In my opinion, you should get to pick who stands up with you, and he can pick who stands with him. If he wants his 5? sisters, they should stand up as groomswomen.
Post # 4
I didn’t have any of my sisters in my first wedding. I have 5 of them and didn’t want hurt feelings so I had 3 girlfriends.
Post # 5
It’s not selfish. YOU get to pick your bridal attendants, not your FI. If he wants them in the bridal party, tell him to have them stand on his side. You’re not choosing his groomsmen, so he shouldn’t choose any of your bridesmaids.
Post # 6
If he wants them, they can stand on his side then, no?
I think you should pick who you want. I’m not having my sisters in mine, and I am close with them. I picked my 2 best friends.
Post # 7
His sisters can be his best women if he’s so set on them being in the wedding.
I’m not having any of my 3 sisters nor his sister in our wedding–actually there will be no family at ALL in the wedding. I’m not even inviting one of my sisters. There is no requirement that siblings be included. Honestly, I’d be insulted to be stuck in a wedding party because someone felt obligated. Being in a wedding is expensive and inconvenient–I only want to do it for people I truly care for.
Even if you were close with all of those sisters–there are TEN OF THEM. That is like 5 too many for a reasonable wedding party. Coordinating 10 women regarding clothes, shoes, pre wedding activities–UGH.
Maybe you could have all the siblings and parents up in a section of the ceremony dedicated to them–like a unity ceremony–the officiant requests that parents and siblings (who have been warned ahead of time!) come up to the front and you and your guy light a unity candle together and the officiant says something about combining families. That way you only have 150 people at the altar for a short amount of time.
You guys are going to have to compromise on this somehow. That is part of being married. If he can’t work with you on this, then perhaps he is not ready to be a husband.
Post # 8
I am very close to my sisters and I’m not having a single one of them in my wedding.
If I had my sisters in it, I’d have to have his sister’s/SILs in it also. That’s way too many people. Period. It’s not about them and it’s not their day. It’s yours and FI is being unreasonable in forcing this issue.
Besides, where does it end? This is the same reason we are not having flower girls or ring bearers. How do you choose amongst so many without hurting feelings?
Post # 9
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
His sisters can stand on his side, if he wants. You don’t have to have relatives in your wedding party. And the smaller your bridal party (I’m only having 2), the easier it is.
The women closest to you should be standing up there with you.