(Closed) I’m not in love… 50 days left.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

My only suggestion is to try and focus on why you’re getting married.  The wedding is one day, while memorable, the life that comes afterward is what you should look forward to.  Don’t look at it as a compromise because of money, embrace the people that will be there for you and your future husband!  This is something that I have to remid myself of.

Post # 4
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Although I havent finalized a lot for my wedding, I certainly know where you’re coming from. Based on my budget, I know that I’m going to have to make some sacrifices and just go with some things that are “ok” instead of perfect, simply because we cannot afford them.

Did you always just “like” your dress or did you start out loving it and then got sick of it? Is there something lacking that you could do to make you love it more? Although I never condone being a two dress bride, I do really think your dress should be one thing you LOVE. But of course, that’s just my opinion.

I think it’s easy to get caught up in other little stuff, like having awesome favors, or amazing centerpieces, when in reality, these things arent going to matter much. I cannot tell you what the centerpieces have looked like at the last 3 weddings I’ve been to (although I’m paying more attention now as a future bride!).

Anyway, my suggestion to you is decide what is most important to you, and make sure you LOVE those things. It may be a little late to make drastic changes, but maybe you could tweak things to make you more enthusiastic?

And maybe wedding planning stress and thinking about it all the time, and looking at other people’s pristine and gorgeous blogged weddings makes your expectations higher than they should be.

Post # 5
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

The elements that make up a wedding you’ll love have nothing to do with centerpieces or bridesmaid dresses. Those can be so-so, but if you are marrying your best friend, surrounded by laughing, celebrating people who love you, THAT will be a wedding you’ll love. 

Also, stay away from wedding blog land. As much as I love wasting time there, it only reinforces the unhealthy belief that “details” are what make the wedding. OH MY GOD IF I DON’T SPEND AN EXTRA $700 FOR CHIVARI CHAIRS MY WEDDING WILL BE A TOTAL FAILURE!!!

Good luck! I think everyone has these feelings from time to time.

Post # 7
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

But you’re in love with your fiance right?! Focus on that, because i know this gets said all the time but that really is the ONLY thing that matters.

I know right now we are all obsessed with what our centrepieces look like etc, thats the nature of planning a wedding and i totally understand why you’re upset. We all want our dream wedding. But realistically when your children ask you what your cake or your flowers looked like in ten years time, you wont remember! You will however remember marrying the man you love. 

And even more so (although this is a horrid thought for all of us given how much time we’ve put into these weddings!!), even our guests wont care much about most of our little details beyond the initial reaction of ‘oh thats so pretty’, or ‘wow, how unique’. Seriously what our guests care about are that two people they love are standing in front of them saying vows.

Post # 8
Member
1003 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Mrs Hedgehog: You just need to focus on the marriage much more than the wedding. I keep reminding myself that as well. I keep getting thoughts in my head like, “Awww no one is going to have fun at my wedding.” When the reality is people will. I just think about the most important part, how I am going to be married to my best friend and partner in crime.

Post # 9
Member
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Mrs Hedgehog: I went through the same thing. I really did. I became apathetic towards the whole thing. Everything was OK but it I realized I had settled on a lot of things instead of spending a lot of money on what I really wanted. But you know what? The end result is the same. I am still married to the love of my life and well, isn’t that the point?

Post # 10
Member
1869 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Do you think maybe you’re just burned out on everything wedding-related?

It’ll all be ok!  You’re getting married and will be spending the rest of your life with your new hubby! 

Maybe if you take a mini-break from wedding things, it’ll clear your head, and if it doesn’t help, then you only have 50 days until you’re married!  That’s exciting!!

Post # 11
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m with everyone else. You are probably just burnt out.

Granted, I really liked my dress. I liked my bridesmaid dresses because I picked them out. But my cake wasn’t what I had been expecting in the way of looks, and I gave my mom complete control over the flowers so I didn’t know what to think except for the basic colors and type. I also had little control over the venue because my in-laws own it, and they had the say. Finally, we ended up with a crappy DJ at the reception.

But I got so many compliments on my wedding, and I thought it turned out so perfect… I was just so happy to be marrying my husband. All the details came together, and if you’ve done everything, then yours will too. The bad weddings that are no good is usually when the planners forget something big like seating or sufficient food. I really think you will be happy when it finally comes down to it.

Post # 12
Member
14304 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

oh my god, are we really jsut 50 days out?  Dont worry, I think you’ll love your wedding cause its going to be special and awesome no matter what!!  I’ve done minimal planning and I’m definitely not in love with my wedding and what I’ve got for it… but all that wasnt *that* important to me.  I have the budget to spend a lot more, but I just really dont think it’ll make my day any better.

Post # 14
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

do you have a photographer and are you happy with them?  if they are good, they will have a way of making everything look beautiful.  i was happy about all my details, but in reality, i was not totally happy about the beach i got married on. we couldnt afford a 5 star resort and the beach we went to was not the big mass of pure white sand surrounded by palm trees.  but we set it nice and it was by the caribbean water so of course that made it nice. but when i first saw where the ceremony would be, the truth is my heart dropped.  i am not telling you this to commiserate with you…but to say that despite this feeling i had, when it came to my wedding day, i was SOOO happy, that it all just looked and felt perfect to me. i remember saying that for days after “everything was perfect!”  because i felt that way!  so with the things you mentioned you DO have, i think you will have an awesome wedding and enjoy every aspect of it.

Post # 15
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My only suggestion is to let go of your expectations.  Your wedding day is the celebration of you and your Love’s union.  It will all come together and be beautiful.

My gf is an event coordinator and was a DOC for 8yrs in another lifetime, she was paid to stress over every detail to ensure that the bride’s vision became reality.  And it always did because the Bride and Groom were soo happy that they didn’t care about the centerpieces, the napkins, the sound system not working, the guest drinking all of the top shelf so only beer and wine was left, etc.  All they remember is what a great time they had w/ their family and friends. 

It will be alright!!!!  Take a deep breathe and do something crazy and carefree today. 

Post # 16
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

When I read the post subject I thought you meant that you aren’t in love with your FI! So just think about that, might help put things into perspective. I know this helped me when I was freaking out about my dress, I was at my parents telling them I think I picked the wrong one, and my brother comes into the room looking very surprised and is like, “The wrong guy?!” And I was like, “No, the wrong dress!” But it definitely gave me a reminder about what is the important part of the day.

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