(Closed) I’m not inviting my Father to the wedding…

posted 8 years ago in Family
  • poll: What would you do?
    Not invite him to the wedding and deal with not seeing that side of your family : (12 votes)
    33 %
    Invite him to the wedding, suck it up, its only a couple hours : (9 votes)
    25 %
    Remove him from my life without another word : (9 votes)
    25 %
    Write him an email with how we can fix the problems and forgive each other : (6 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    624 posts
    Busy bee

    It’s really your call if you want him out of your life.  I’m not one to judge someone who has cut someone out (I outed my mom and did not invite her to the wedding). 

    RE the wedding, you are over a year a way.  There is no telling what will happen so I would try to put the wedding part with your dad out of your mind and give it some time to just focus on the relationship with your dad.  A wedding is one day, KWIM?  Focus on the bigger picture.

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    4001 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Oh man, I’m so sorry you’re in such a crappy situation.  It sounds like he’s got a lot of work to do to become a better father.  That being said, I think I’d have a hard time still not inviting him.  The only real reason why is that I’d regret it if I didn’t give him that chance to see one of my happiest moments.  Weddings can be an emotional experience for even ‘hardened’ people, it may put things into perspective for him.  And in years from now, if you were able to make the relationship work, you might want to look back and see him there.  Such a tough decision but whatever you do, it will be the right choice- good luck. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I think it depends on if you want to maintain a relationship with your step mother.  She is perfectly reasonable in saying that she can’t go somewhere where her husband is excluded.  She has to think about the health of her own marriage.  So I guess it comes down to the fact that if you want her there, you have to invite him.  Don’t involve him in any way, he can just be a guest and another face in the crowd.  If you aren’t very close with your step mother and don’t mind her not being there, then don’t invite him.  Just know that doing that will likely mean that you will never have a relationship with him again.  If you want to keep the possibility of a relationship open, invite him.  If you are ok never seeing or hearing from him again (and you may be, sometimes that’s what the situation calls for) then don’t invite him.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1944 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Personally, I would not include him but then again, I probably would not have asked him either if he wanted to fund it if the relationship was as toxic as it sounds. I don’t have a relationship with my parents and haven’t for over 18 yrs, I am now 30 and sometimes feelings don’t change. Alot of abuse played into it among other things. I don’t need the drama, anger, hostility or toxicity in my life nor does my family. Yes, you can give it time and see how the relationship changes if at all over the next year, but honestly I don’t see any changes in him happening. What does your FI say or want? You do not need anything holding a cloud over your special day and who knows how he would act then. Yes things may be different 10 yrs down the road and you may have a wonderful relationship, but this is now and obviously he does not feel you are of an importance to him. It is a tough decision, one only you and your FI can make. For me, I stopped looking back along time ago bc some people will never change.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1523 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I can’t tell you what to do, but I do know how hard this must be for you.

    My older brother is not invited to my wedding, but I have intentionally not had any contact with him for 9 years. He was abusive to me as a child and I only see him as a negative person which is why I do not have a relationship with him. I know that there will be questions from extended family, but I am doing the healthiest thing for myself. 

    My thought is that if you do want to continue to have some sort of relationship with him, it would be a good idea to invite him to the wedding, but with boundaries. Maybe you can have another special person like your mom, an uncle or grandfather walk you down the aisle? It would be a nice gesture to have your father there, but I think it would be best if you did not have a lot of contact with him on that day. He could be there are just a guest.

    Good luck, I understand that this is hard!

    Post # 9
    Member
    1001 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I’m sorry, but I’m missing something here:

    Then I get engaged. Ask him 2 years prior if he is wanting to fund any of it. He says I can use his back yard, he will bbq and I can use his rental house in BFE for the honeymoon. Extremely rude in my opinion, so I dropped it…thats fine, he wont be on the invitation!

    How is that rude?  Because he offered to host the wedding at his house?  Lot of people have really nice backyard weddings. 

    I guess aside from the alcohol abuse, I’m not really seeing anything here that would warrant cutting your father out of your life.  I’m sure there’s more, and I obviously don’t know the whole story, but that is just my opinion.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1944 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    @CeeCee: If you do not want him to talk to you or even hug you congrats at your wedding, whats the point? Thats a little rude I think, understandable, yes, I get it. But you have plenty of time, just work on the relationship (if you guys can) and see how you feel when you send out the invites a year from now.

    Post # 13
    Member
    177 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @Chillmer: years of verbal abuse=enough reason to cut him out of her life..rude= he prob said no to funding any of the wedding and offered his back yard ..prob not what she had in mind..but bottom line who are you to judge, you have no idea what this girl probably went through as a child!

    @MissGreen: are you calling her rude too??? unbelieveable

    @CeeCee:Im not inviting my father for similar reasons. not inviting his family (except for my cousins) bc they support him and the way he treats his kids and abuses drugs and alchohol. I though about it ..even had him in the wedding at one point…then realized-what has this man done in my life and childhood that warrents him to be a part of this big day. Im sure my family wounldnt even come had they know i was going to invite him. listen do what you feel in your heart you should do. i decided against it and am glad i did but if you want to have him there make sure its for the right reasons and not outside influences. invite the ppl who have loved and supported you your whole life! leave out the ones who haven’t..you wont miss them..its about you and your future husbad that day. never lose site of yourself and what makes you happy. the end

    Post # 14
    Member
    1944 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    @julieandjaiden: Unbeleivable? Hmm, read my earlier post. Please read all posts before calling someone out thank you. No, in fact I did NOT call her rude, I called the action of inviting him then trying to find a way to say, “is there any invitation wording I could send to him saying you may come, but dont talk to me or touch me the entire day? >:-)” as a little rude, but I also said I understood her thinking. But that there is no polite way of saying that and if you feel that way, why bother inviting someone?

    Bottom line Julieand Jaiden, you need to chill out with posts. No one was judging her and no one is being harsh. Some people read things differently and may have different points of view.

    The topic ‘I’m not inviting my Father to the wedding…’ is closed to new replies.

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