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(I understand that this is an extremely strange post. And I don't know where to post it so I posted to Beehive.)
Living with FI has shown me that I am an incredibly strange person.
Before we lived together, I thought it was perfectly normal to hide from the mailman. This is apparently not true. It's not that the mailman scares me...I's just that if he sees me, I'll have to say hello... and then I'll have to wave. And if I start saying hello and waving, I'll have to keep saying hello and waving every time. And one day I'll come home and have a ton of things in my hands and the mailman will want to say hello and wave and there will be this big connundrum in my head about whether I should stop and converse go inside... It's just a mess. My social skills are lacking.
I just never realized HOW odd it could look from an outsider's perspective. About two weeks ago, FI and I were grocery shopping. And every time someone would stand close to me in the aisle, I would get upset and vacate the entire aisle. I am very big on grocery store etiquette. I do not want someone inside my circle of comfort while I shop. I feel as though when you are shopping, you should be allowed a radius of a foot around you to be free. I grant every other shopper this courtesy. I simply want the same in return. Don"t violate my radius. I truly do not need anyone to be breathing down my neck while I am picking out my bell peppers. A MOMENT of intrusion is fine. If I'm standing in front of the eggs, I understand that you need to get your eggs. But it's a quick transaction, you get in and then get right back out. Anyway... Back to the point. So, we were in the cereal aisle and this lady comes and posts up like six inches away from my shoulder and starts reading a box of Lucky Charms. And she lingers. And lingers. I ask her if I was blocking anything and she said no. And yet she lingered. At this point, I'm standing there trying to figure out what is so interesting on this box of Lucky Charms. There were a total of about six words on this box. It wasn't even on the nutritional side. And yet she lingered. I felt like I was being attacked. This person was knowingly and wilfully invading my grocery store space. I could feel the heat from her body on my cheek, she was THAT close. I felt like she was doing it on purpose. Nobody in the WORLD needs to know that much about Lucky Charms. They were magically delicious yesterday, they are magically delicious today, they will be magically delicious tomorrow. Given this information, I felt violated. I tried to stand my ground until I just couldn't take it anymore. Than I spun on my heels and marched to the next aisle. FI followed me so I whipped around and hissed "Can you believe her??!" He said "What?" I said "That woman was CHALLENGING me! Who DOES that?" He said "What?" I said "The lady next to me was trying to wear me down!" He looked perplexed and replied "I have no idea what you're talking about. She didn't say anything to you" to which I replied "I's not what she SAID. She was STANDING there. Like... aggressively." He looked at me like I sprouted two heads. I then began to consider the possibility that maybe she had never heard of the Radius of Freedom and perhaps I was just the jerk who got irrationally pissed off at a poor woman who had trouble reading the six words on the box of Lucky charms. Apparently I'm odd AND an asshole.
Regretfully... This is just the beginning of my unfortunate oddities. I used to feel like I was a fairly normal person. But living with him has shown me that even some of what I deem are my most rational thought have roots in crazy.
I don't expect that many of you can share these experiences. But please tell me... Do any of you feel a little odd in comparison to your FI?
My FI thinks I'm weird for a lot of things, none of which I can think of right now lol. Sometimes I explain things, and when I get to the end, he's looking at me like a lunatic, and I'm realizing that my explanation makes no sense...lol
Anyway, I totally hide from the mailman, and I totally expect (and give) a lot of space at the grocery store. Like, if someone is inspecting cereal boxes, I just stand 5 ft back and scan the shelves, then, when I find what I want, I make a quick move, grab it, and stand 5 feet back again to read the nutritional values...is this not normal?
@les105: That's what I thought was normal! I'm glad someone else feels that way :)
I am big on personal space and have a panic attack if a stranger stands within my space for too long, I will literally have to move and if for some reason I can't leave quickly I feel panicky...
Oh and don't get me started on close talkers OMG if I step away it doesn't mean move back into my space hahaha
I don't think you are odd, I think people invading personal space have no manners.
Oh I also do the postie thing too (thou our guys are on motorbikes so basically just toss it in the box and ride off quite quickly no waves etc) I just make sure I am not outside so he/she doesn't feel the need to hand it to me (it has happened before) and that is just awkward hahaha
"Nobody in the WORLD needs to know that much about Lucky Charms. They were magically delicious yesterday, they are magically delicious today, they will be magically delicious tomorrow."
haha that cracked me up. I actually totally understand what you are saying. I learned that I was strange from an early age though because I grew up in a large family and was the only one who thought and acted that way. I have just learned how to hide it from people I don't know. I know how to act like I am not being bothered even if I am ready to explode. My FI knows that I am like that and just thinks it's funny, and I have learned how to have a sense of humor about it as well. My family and friends all joke with me about it.
We actually went to the grocery store a couple of hours ago and I was ready to freak out because we literally got goxed in by three carts while we were looking at hamburger meat! It makes me feel so unbelievably claustrophobic and engraged.
While I do get completely irritated sometimes, I just walk away from the situation and calm down. You have to remind yourself that everyone comes from different cultures and backgrounds, and a lot of people (I would even say most people) are fine being close to others...while people like us need our space.
I do not think that you are crazy (although I guess I don't really know you 
). People are just different from each other...If you are anything like me then you are probably just introverted and enjoy the company of yourself more than others and need your space...and that's fine!
P.S. I hide from people all the time...I put in a work order at my apartment recently and was there the whole time without the guy knowing haha. I dread the idea of pointless conversation with someone you don't know.
@kkish3- That makes me feel so much better! FI thinks it's so odd that I hide from our neighbors. But we live in an apartment and there are SO many of them. I just don't always feel like talking. Sometimes I'll open the door to go outside, hear voices, then change my mind and go back in. Lol, I sound antisocial but I'm not really. It's just that pleasantries are time consuming and awkward.
Do you think you might have a mild disorder of some sort? You wrote that your social skills are lacking and you avoid interactions that other people don't find challenging. Perhaps there a slight anxiety disorer that's fueling this?
You're clearly functioning quite well, you just have a couple odd practices. Perhaps reading a some books will help you understand what's going on and give you some strategies for managing things when you feel confronted, but aren't truly being threatened.
If you find yourself paralyzed in your home, unable to leave, then you have to be a bit more serious about finding a way to manage what you're feeling. It doesn't sound like it's come to that, though.
I could have written this. (Apart from where i live being woefully lacking in Lucky Charms.)
I have been with my SO for nearly 4 years, and am still awkward aound his friends. If there is one or two, that is okay, but if there are more I usually just spend the night sitting in one place, not talking, just listening. If there is a party happening and we are the first ones to arrive, I will claim a seat, sit there for the night, and feel okay. If we arrive after eveyone else I feel like we are intruding, I don't know where to stand or what to do, it's horrible. We have a party to go to tonight. Urgh.
I just don't know how to make conversation flow.
And the shopping thing, I do exactly the same. I cannot stand people being in my area, or if there are too many people in an aisle and it's too lae to turn around, I will just walk through it and wait at the end for it to calm down.
Christmas shopping was horrible. I had done all mine at the end of November so I didn't have to go anywhere near the shop, but my partner left it to the 23rd so I tried to help by getting things for him. Big mistake. I usually have a basket so i can manoeuver around, but this time I had to get a trolley. I seriously get the full on sweats and panicky breathing, I have to remind myself to calm down.
And I will do all I can to avoid mailmen, neighbours etc. If there is an engineer coming in to the house, it's so awkward, I don't know whether to leave him to it or that would be rude... etc etc!
And now I've written a novel XD But yeah, you are not alone basically :)
@mink: I thought the same thing. I work in anxiety but I'm no clinician, so I'm not labeling or diagnosing anyone, just thought it was similar to some of my social anx patients.
Meh, some people just have different boundaries than others. And yes, I get your point about the mailman. Don't worry about these things. Everyone is different.
You may be odd, but you're also hilarious! I will now be thinking about your Lucky Charms quip every time I see someone pondering a label for wayyy too long.
I hide from the mailman too. Not always, but often.
The grocery store thing is a bit odd though. Yes, sometimes people stand bizarrely close, and it pisses me off. I usually shoot them an annoyed look and move a foot or so away. Once or twice I've totally ceded the space and stood there obviously waiting for them to finish so that I could go back to what I was doing. Maybe you could find a happy medium between refusing to budge and evacuating the aisle?
I wouldn't worry too much about feeling odd relative to your FI. Generally speaking, I think most guys are way less concerned about violations of personal space than most girls. (Obviously there are exceptions, but as a general rule I think it holds true.) They're also often less self-aware/anxious about social faux pas, etc. So your FI may be "normal" for a dude, but that doesn't mean that you should compare yourself to his standard of normalcy. I'm sure he's odd in his own way--it just may not involve interactions with strangers or grocery shopping. (I think it's profoundly odd that my DH doesn't notice when the rug needs to be vaccuumed, or obsessively reads about food/wine/cocktails but cringes at a five minute conversation about buying furniture. C'est la vie.) Besides, normalcy is boring. Who wants a long term relationship without amusement and occasional bafflement?
LMAO LMAO LMAO. I'm sure this wasn't meant to be funny but this is hilarious. "she was challenging me!" Hahaha. Girl, I hide from EVERY SINGLE PERSON that knocks on my door. Freaks me out. I definitely think me and my SO have some quirks but I don't even find what you are saying to be "odd"...I think it's just a quirk you have, and it makes you, you! Seriously the post is hilarious though, the whole 'imaginary' confrontation with the Lucky Charms lady...I can't understand people at the grocery store. I only go once a week and I try so hard to make sure I don't forget anything and have to go back bc people are just ridiculous there! I totally feel your pain. I don't think anyone likes people in their bubble. Like you are waiting in the express lane and someone gets behind you SO close it's like they are breathing down your neck. I ALWAAAYS turn around and just look at them lol. Not in an angry way, just to show them..uhh..you are real close my friend. Oh my goodness.
Honestly I think you're a little quirky, but that's ok. What might be worrisome is that you thought another person was challenging you just because she was sitting right next to you. I can tell you honestly that I've never had a concept of "radius of privacy", and if I happen to read a box of cereal and worry about my kids/husband at that moment and someone is next to me, well then tough kadoodles. It seems that at the moment what you're doing/thinking isn't invading your life too much, but if at some point it ever does become a hindrance to everyday activities in your life, I recommend seeing a counselor or a coach. It's not that you're weird, it's just that you may have had some experiences or been taught some things about life and other people that bias your perception and give you unnecessary stress. From my point of view, getting upset and leaving the isle because someone is standing right next to you is unnecessary stress. And a little paranoid. So is worrying about saying hello to the mailman. No one is going to judge you if you come with your hands full of groceries and the mailman says hello and you make a little chitchat, or you don't. These things shouldn't be an issue or a worry, and yet they are to you, and they do cause unnecessary stress. So, just think about it. If you're perfectly fine with this, then stay the way you are, and that's great. But if it starts negatively impacting your life or your relationship or you simply think you'd like to not worry about social interactions, get a life coach or a counselor, it's going to enrich your life.
I'm also socially awkward. When I first meet people, I come off as rude unintentionally. It's not that I don't like you. It's that I don't know you and don't want to talk to you because I don't know you. When I'm around my friends I am as nice as can be. All my friends have said that I came off as a little bitchy when they first met me, but for some reason they stuck it out and once they got to know me it was totally different.
Like you, I'm a big supporter of personal space. I call it my bubble. Do not invade my bubble. It makes me nervous when you invade my bubble. You annoy me when you invade my bubble. I work in retail at a quad that has four registers. It gets on my everlasting nerve when I am helping a customer, and three more customers that do not know the lady from Eve just start standing next to her and hovering while she completes her transaction. Seriously, back up. A lady did that to me one day when I was checking out as a customer at my job. You do not need to be all up on me while I check out. It's not going to make me go faster. You're just getting on my nerves. If anything, I'm going to go slower.
Glad to see more people like me exist lol.
I don't think you have a disorder (unless there is a lot more to it but I am no doctor). You are just an introvert. I do the same things. I too value my radius of freedom and I hate when most people invade it. Introverts tend to find social situations draining, even if they enjoy them, so could that be why you hide from the mailman?
@jayebaby: Some people are big on personal space, and some people like to get all upclose and personal over lucky charms at the grocery store...
If it makes you feel less odd, I like to hide from the mailman too. I also do not like to take walks around my neighboorhood loop if too many people are outside in their yards.
@jayebaby: "They were magically delicious yesterday, they are magically delicious today, they will be magically delicious tomorrow."
Holy shit that made me crack the F up.
I think we all have some social anxiety issues. I will gladly do self check out most days if I don't feel like making small talk. Or if someone stands too close to me, sometimes I'll take a step away, or sometimes I'll stand my ground if I'm feeling pissy--but I wouldn't assume that the other person was trying to make an attack or a statement. Heh! So yeah, its odd, but until it starts affecting the way you treat others, I wouldn't worry.
I wish you weren't on the other side of the country, because it sounds like we could be best friends lol. I am the exact same way, especially about personal space while shopping. Walmart on a busy evening is excruciating for me. Oblivious people getting all up in my space tick me off so much.
OP you are NOT alone!!! I can't stand when people get in my shopping space- I'm of the get in, get what you want from the shelf, and MOVE the F' AWAY. Why is that hard to understand?
I'm the same with my neighbors, always have been. I'll say hi if I see them in the parking lot, or checking the mail, but its always more like a quick nod while I mutter, "hey, hows it going?" and I head back inside. And if they want to get chatty, I'm not above lieing and saying, 'Oh nuts, I'm cooking, got to go, talk to you later..." My next door neighbour and her hubbs are very awesome people, and we have hung out a few times, I've done the emergency baby sitting thing, but if I'm not, like, mentially ready to be socal, it really freaks me out. They understand I'm a hermit though, and don't take offecne (I think).
I don't know how I became so anit socal, I use to be the life of the party.... now I've been putting off school cause the idea of going to class (with others) really freaks me out.
@jayebaby: You are not alone. I do not answer my door if strangers knock on it, even if they can hear me inside. I was at the store a few weeks ago and a man kept looking at me and it freaked me out. I thought he was trying to rob me! My cousin was the one that made me feel crazy and suggested the man was checking me out. Usually, I don't feel attacked at the store but I go during slow times to avoid too many people and small talk.
You are deff not alone.. Seems like a lot of us bees hide from people. I hide from the mailman, neighbors ect and I am infamous for not answering the door. Honestly my FI thinks it's funny. He says he loves how weird I am.. I can't wait to tell him many other people hide from the mailman!!
I hate people at the groocery store. Can't stand going I get super annoyed.
I can't believe I completely abandoned my own thread! Lol. I'm probably way more excited than I should to find out that there are so many other "weirdos" out there :) But I showed this to FI and said "See! There are other people like me! I'm not weird!" and he said "A serial killer may find other serial killers. That does not make it okay." He's mean :)
I definitely have had my bouts with social anxiety. But this feels so different from that. This is social... anger. I don't feel anxious, I feel pissed. And annoyed. I am trying to get it under control. There are just soooo many people EVERYWHERE. Shhhh.... Did you hear that? My neighbor just coughed. I hide from him too. If I didn't hide, I would never be alone.
I think it would shock a lot of you to find out that in my "real life" people think I am an overly friendly, bubbly, warm person.
I just never knew there were so many people who could relate. This feels like meeting my kindergarten best friend all over again. :)
I use to be exactly the same way. Don't sweat it. After I started living with FI I noticed it a lot more and now I'm much more "relaxed". I still won't bring my laundry to the laundry room if I think I may see a neighbor along the way. I don't want them seeing my laundry! Everyone has quirks and it's ok!
PS. My dad has (mild) Asperger's so for a while I thought I may have inherited it but I don't have those types of quirks. He didn't get diagnosed with it until he was 45 so if you feel the need to see a psychologist - go ahead! If anything they can teach you some coping mechanisms for when people invade your "radius".
My SO finds all kinds of things strange about me, that I never realized were strange until I started living with him. I wish I could remember the one he pointed out the other day because he said it was really odd and it just seemed normal to me.
But, for one, he thinks it's strange that I break up my Ramen before I cook it. Apparently the rest of the world just drops the noodles in as a block, who knew?
He also finds my aversion to commercials very, very strange. I HATE commercials. TV commercials, radio commercials, print ads, I hate it. I feel like I'm constantly being pressed and proded and poked to buy, use, take something! I hate it. I'd rather watch something I hate than a commercial.
@jayebaby: "I think it would shock a lot of you to find out that in my "real life" people think I am an overly friendly, bubbly, warm person."
Oh man, can I relate. Even when someone stumbles onto what an oddball I am, they tend to forget about it super quickly because apparently I somehow come across as normal in daily life!!!(?)
I am all about my Personal Space Bubble. This also includes my Personal Sound Bubble. People who speak/act too loudly for the situation make me literally cringe. My noisy upstairs neighbor is finally being evicted tomorrow and I am more excited than you can imagine. For months I have heard all sort of business coming from his apartment that I really don't want to hear, and now I will finally have peace again. We don't have thin walls or anything - the people who lived up there before him were inaudible except for the occasional footsteps here and there - he's just far more loud at all times than is called for. It's not even the noise itself that bothers me. I've dealt with the racket of construction, leaf blowers etc. outside my apartment before. This is different. This is the din someone else's entire life infringing on my living space.
Oh and I don't hide from the mailman, but I do hide from the phone. I am an avid call screener, and I will do everything in my power to avoid calling someone/someplace if I can text or email instead. I make DH do all the phone ordering when we get takeout.
So fear not, odd one, you are in good company.
LOL. This stuff is cute and kind of funny. I think everyone is really quirky, although my hubby and I have found that, really, he's the weird one. Like, sometimes we're bring this stuff up in groups of people and nearly everyone agrees with my attitude/the way I do things. Thankfully he's just a fun-loving, goofy guy and he embraces his differences, as do I. <3
@callirome: I break up my Ramen! It's much neater than trying to manage those giant noodles.
@linguo42: I will do everything in my power to avoid calling someone/someplace if I can text or email instead.
add this one too my list. I WILL NOT call anyone (except family) unless there is no other option.
@callirome: I break my ramen in half too- drives my SO crasy, since he likes the really long noodles!
Oh, my weird thing is my sense of smell and hearing. The smallest little things set me off, and I can pick up on any scent. Like, I can smell macaroni and cheese from the garage, before I walk in the house. And I can smell dog poop from two floors away (useful when our dog was a puppy), and strong cleaners/perfumes give me raging headaches. The sound of someone chewing makes me lose it. I spend almost all day with noise-canceling headphones on.
@daybyday: Oh god, strong cleaning chemicals affect me so much, I can actually taste them on my tongue. When I lived in campus housing in grad school I banned housekeeping from cleaning my bathroom because the chemicals they used burned my eyes, nose and mouth from all the way down the hall.
@callirome: I break my ramen noddles up also other people think it's strange. I also really hate commericals t.v. I constatnly flip them and radio. I have to have my personal space so I competely understand. I don't even like my SO in my personal space unless it's for certain reasons. I just like my space I guess lol. I don't like being cuddled at night I like to spread out and have space. I have other odd things that I can't think of now.
Oh goodness. I guess I fit right in here, because I totally avoid the mailman too. And when the doorbell rings and I'm home? I peek out my window and unless it's family I probably won't get it. Lol. I just feel so awkward about it!
And I hate the grocery store. I probably look like a psycho b*tch because I just go in, get my stuff, and leave. I prefer self-checkout. I don't like to make awkward eye contact or make smalltalk. I WILL if I have to go through a regular line but...I'd rather avoid it.
I get anxiety when I have to ask for help or get someone's attention...I do have an anxiety disorder for real though. Lol. It's under control though.
FI has noticed a whole slew of other quirks about me, and vice versa, but I can't think of any right now. I'm kind of a germaphobe, but not hardcore. I just have lots of hand sanitizer.......lol.
I'm an oddball. I like my neighbors okay.
The real problem? Small businesses. I'm torn, because I love them. I hate the evil of big corporations. I HATE going in, and then I'm the only person in the store. Then they ask if I need anything and I'm like "no" because I'm not going to buy anything and they KNOW that. And then I'm just standing there, sucking up alltheir air and looking at crap I won't buy and i feel so GUILTY. I know it's hard for them. I'm the only person in the store! ....So I avoid them. That is, unless I can see other people are in there.
Something I'm currently struggling with is grocery store selection. I like being anonymous while shopping. I don't want people knowing what I eat, or that it's my 'lady time' or whatever. So I switch grocery stores when they get too friendly. My recent favorite has been Trader Joe's. It's 3 minutes away and pretty cheap. Now people know me and this one guy with a curly mustache keeps making small talk and inviting me to things. I'm weighing the options of either shopping at another time or abandoning ship entirely like I did when people started saying hi at Safeway. It's a tough call. Now I also feel like I need to be presentable at Trader Joe's, as these people now know me.
I hate when checkers speculate about your purchases also. Oh my god. Yes, I'm buying pizza dough, bananas and cheese. NO, it does NOT mean I'm making a banana pizza, and no you're not funny. Leave me alone. If I'm buying 2 types of popcorn it might mean I like to watch movies, but MAYBE I'm just a fatty with a penchant for popcorn. SO THERE.
Also, I get anxious about dealing with people on the phone. I really do.
Nobody in the WORLD needs to know that much about Lucky Charms. They were magically delicious yesterday, they are magically delicious today, they will be magically delicious tomorrow.
^ That had me cracking up so freaking bad, FI came in from the other room b/c he thought I was watching a comedy show on tv. LMFAO!
I'm weird, too, but I've always known it. I am super paranoid about personal space when it's someone I don't know. If it's someone I know, no problemo, get nice and cozy. But a stranger? Back the F*** up, yo!
Apparently I'm odd AND an asshole.
Don't worry, so am I. I get so mad at people for not "acting right" in society. Personal space, being a bad driver, working retail and giving shit customer service, you name it. And I'll tell someone when they're being wrong, I don't have a filter. I told someone at a McDonald's drive through last July to her face that she was an idiot and needed to be fired. (Harsh but true, I was just asking for my order to be put into two separate bags. It's. Not. That. Hard!) At least you just walk away from people! FI swears I'm going to get shot one day.
I NEVER answer the front door! Theres no reason to! Im not expecting anyone so Im not just going to open the door to any Tom/Joe/Stan whos knocking. Sorry! Not interested!
Update!!!!
So, I took the Myers-Briggs personality indicator test and it turned out that I am an INFP. I then found a forum for INFP's and it blew my mind that there were so many other people like me! It's amazing to read about other people having the exact same thoughts :) I feel like I'm part of a socially awkward club. :)
If you haven't done this test, DO IT. And then google your personality type because the link below doesn't really give adequate info.
Omg. I did that test, then googled the result, I can't believe how well that matches me! I'm sitting with my mouth hanging open!
@flownmuse- Isn't it crazy?!!!! I flipped out. Thought processes, mannerisms, preferences, all of those things were laid out in my personality type! And all those quirky things that my friends call "Jessia things" are actually things I share with all these people! Nuts!!!
This was probably the funniest post I've ever read on weddingbee. The only reason it's funny is because your grocery store scenario sounds a lot like something I would do. As a matter of fact, I read that to my FI and he said "OMG! You get so pissed at people when you're at the grocery store." Haha!
I am very introverted, quirky and socially awkward. I have always been this way. No amount of therapy has ever changed it for me either.
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