Post # 1
So, I’m sure a ton of us have heard this before. “I’m sorry babe, I’m just not ready.”
I was wondering if that ever transitions into “I am ready.”
People (on the internet) say that when a guy says “I am not ready.” it actually means something along the lines of “…. with you.” and that it actually means that the guy is trying to tell you that you are not the one for him, but he’s too damn lazy, comfortable, secure, etc to actually break it off with you. Very similar to when a guy says “I’m just not ready for a relationship.” (with you)
I’m wondering, from engaged Bees and married ones what’s what.
Is it possible for “I’m not ready.” to actually mean that?
Can it ever mean “Yes, someday I want to get engaged, but not right now.” and have it be sincere? Does anything good ever come out of “I’m not ready”?
Post # 3
My fiance’ never gave me an “I’m not ready” but I think if I had brought up the subject of marriage too early I would might have gotten one.
How old are you? How long have you been together? Do you live together?
Post # 4
Fiance always told me that he would not propose until he was ready. For him, being ready meant putting my wellbeing above his own. Once he felt like he was prepared to do this, he proposed. We dated for 5 1/2 years (but we were young when we started dating at 18 and 19)
I can’t say that’s the way it is for everyone, but for us he truly meant it when he said that he just wasn’t ready right then.
Post # 5
did he say anything else? i think sometimes “i’m not ready” really can mean “i’m not ready” it depends on the situation!
Post # 6
Eh, I’m in my mid 20’s, and I feel kind of silly for pointing this out, but he’s only 20. We’ve been dating a year and have been living together for about 7 months.He is pretty young. So I can understand a 20 year old guy not being ready, but I’m just curious to what happens down the line after a guy tells someone that.
Post # 7
I think it totally depends on the situation. We’ve all heard stories about the boyfriend who kept saying he didn’t believe in marriage, wasn’t ready, ect that ended up getting married six months after the break-up. We’ve also all heard stories about the couple who have been dating since high school who genuinely weren’t ready for marriage for a good 7 or 8 years.
I think any man who’s in his late twenties to early thrities (or older) who’s got a steady job, decent income and has been with his SO for over two years, yet still claims he’s “not ready” is full of crap. On the other hand, a guy who’s still in school, unemployed, in his early twenties or has been with his SO less than a year might be genuinely “not ready.”
That’s my opinion, anyway.
Post # 8
personally i wouldnt stay with a guy that said to my face that he wasnt ready – but im a “i will have what i want now” kinda gal and thankfully my hubby was on the same page
but for some guys they need hear from their girlfriend what they want/need and then he has a lightbulb moment that will shift his thinking from im not ready to asking himself am i ready and whats the plan
edit: i just read that youre mid 20’s and hes only 20 and you have only been dating a year – although there are alot of mature 20yrs out there i support his decision to wait
Post # 9
@mrs.jk:Oh yeah. He’s said that someday he want to get married etc etc. He was extremely enthusiastic about the idea at the start of our relationship, but then cooled off. He still maintains that he wants all that will me, he just doesn’t know when he will be ready.
Post # 10
Just read your response. 20 years old? Only dating a year?
Boy isn’t ready. Time to back off.
Post # 11
That’s what I was hoping someone would say. I know that all things considered aren’t 100% accurate all the time for every person, but I was trying to figure out if my guy was an exception.
I really don’t blame him for not being ready, but sometimes fears do creep up of being strung along after previous experience with that.
Anyone start with an “I’m not ready” to then end up with a desirable outcome?
Post # 12
I absolutely agree with lezlers. 20 years old and only together for a year is too soon to be married, IMO. Fiance did give me the “I’m not ready” about 3.5 years into our relationship but it was mostly a money thing. He wanted to be more financially secure before marriage and I absolutely respected that. We waited more than 5 years to get engaged! When the time is right, it will happen. I suggest not talking about an engagement for atleast a few years.
Post # 13
I got the “Im not ready” a few times through our relationship …. Yes we were living together and yes we had been together about a year and a half when he said that but it is now three years after that and we are happily engaged and I know with all my heart that we will be together forever because he WAITED until HE was ready.
Unfortunately sometimes that means we have to put our needs and feelings aside but in the end I wouldn’t trade a thing because I now know that he “IS READY” and that he will be by my side forever 🙂 Keep waiting I assure you, he is just not ready.
Post # 14
Well… let me give it to you from the other side. When I met my Fiance I was 19, he was 23. He had just graduated college and was looking for his first real-life just out of school job. I was the one that wasn’t ready. I flat out told him, to his face, “Dude… I like you A LOT, but I’m just not ready to get married. Maybe I will be one day, but right now I just don’t see that in my near future.”
5 years later we are happily engaged and planning our wedding!
Give him time to mature… I know that’s what I needed! I didn’t even start think about marriage until I was 23 and we had already been dating 4 years.
That might not be the answer you want to hear, but I can tell you… I am proof that people can transition from “I’m not ready” to “Where the hell is the damn ring?!?” 😉 Good luck!
Post # 15
i really think it depends on a lot of things. While we can bunch men into a gorup for a lot of things, I do think there could be legit reasons why he is not ready. If he is young, just getting a career going, has no money saved…all of those are legit reasons to wait (and smart to wait).
If he is in his 40’s, has been a batchelor all his life, and has a hard time making a commitment of any kind, then that’s a different story.
The best advice I can give you is find happiness within yourself and do not let your entire world revolve around him. Do things you like to do, find hobbies for yourself. This will make you a well-rounded person and a more appealing one. Men don’t like pressure or feeling like you are completely wrapped up in him. it makes guys very skiddish to have that kind of pressure on them.
My Fiance said at one point that he never watned to be married again (he’s diverced). And here we are. Things do change with some.
Post # 16
I never got that from my Fiance, but he is in his early 30’s and we were both on eharmony looking for the one… he was ready, he just had to find me 🙂 I think 20 is really young for a guy, their brains are wired so differently, especially at that age. I’m sorry, but at least he is wise enough to know he’s not ready instead of rushing himself and then later regretting becoming married too soon! That is actually a sign of maturity! Maybe he’ll be ready sooner than the average Joe 🙂 good luck to you!