Post # 1
I was just wondering if anyone is going through the same thing or has some advice.
From the beginning, my boyfriend’s mom never seemed that excited about me but was always polite. We buy gifts for one another and aren’t rude, but I feel like she’s not interested or she doesn’t approve of me. She is completely different with his brother’s wife.
I think the only time it bothers me is when I am around his brother’s wife and see their interactions. Every once in a while when we go out to dinner one on one with her she is quiet as well, and it makes me uncomfortable because the conversation seems to be very one-sided.
I’m not sure why it makes me so upset, but I’m pretty scared about her reaction when we get engaged. I am hopeful he’ll discuss it at length with her before we do it.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Does it get better with time?
Post # 3
I can understand a little I think. My bf’s mom wasn’t exactly thrilled when we started dating exclusively; he’s her youngest and his two older brothers got married within 6 months of each other so she wasn’t exactly thrilled when he showed up with me at the middle brother’s hometown reception. I think she had anticipated having him to herself for another year or two since he had never dated or shown much interest in any girl. Our first 6 months were pretty rocky and she and I didn’t get along so well since I think she felt I was distracting him from college, family, etc. But lately we seem to be doing a lot better; we’re much better at talking to each other and I actually look forward to spending time with her and his dad. She had told him not long after we got together that I remind her a lot of herself and he has said more than once (jokingly, but half serious) that he’s marrying his mother haha. And the more I’m around her I see that we are very alike in personalities. My bf thinks that is partly why we clashed at first, idk. But I have to say that lately she really doesn’t treat me that differently than she does his brothers’ wives, so I think she is accepting that we are probably going to stay together and in a few years be married.
The only advice I have is to keep being nice to her; don’t try too hard, just act natural, make conversation, include her in activities when you can, etc. Try not to make her feel that you are taking her place in her son’s life. I don’t think you say how long you’ve been dating, but I do believe it will get better with time, as long as you don’t become hostile toward her or unless she is just determined not to like you. She may be waiting to see if you & he stay together for any length of time, or something like that. It doesn’t seem like she really dislikes you, maybe she is waiting to see how things go? It’s hard to get inside a middle-aged woman’s brain haha.
Post # 4
Just be yourself and give her time. She is probably really close with her daughter-in-law because they’ve gone through a bunch of life experiences together (engagement, wedding, maybe talk of kids?). Those types of relationships don’t grow overnight. Just continue to be polite, genuine and don’t try to force anything. She might even be hesitant to get close to you until you’re engaged.