I'm not sure I'm "in love" anymore

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1662 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@noname06:  If there was a longer history, I’d keep trying… But it’s still been less than a year. The honeymoon phase shouldn’t have ended that fast. What does your gut tell you?

Post # 4
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@noname06:  if I was in your shoes, I would give him a little more time. moving in is hard and maybe he needs to find the groove??? When you are happy ( which will hopefully come), you are more loving.  If you do not think it will or it doesn’t come back then I would move on. You want to feel wanted/ thought about and actions do speak louder than words. 

Post # 5
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@noname06:  You really, really rushed this relationship. You didn’t know him him when he moved in and he didn’t know you. This is who he is. If you’re not happy eight months in, it’s unlikely to turn around in any kind of sustained way. 

Ask him to move out.   You can can still see him if you want and he agrees, or you can just break up. If you break-up, use this as a lesson for the future and don’t move so quickly again. 

Post # 6
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@noname06:  I have a husband who works a job in which he is lucky if he gets off his phone for 5 minutes during the work day so I hardly hear from him. He is also a time gets away ffrom him type of guy, but he still gets me something. My christmas present was bought 3 days before, my brithday present the day before, but I still get them… I know how stressed he is and how busy he gets so I understand. I know better than to ask him to plan a weekend away, it wont happen so I do it. He does randomly wash dishes for me though…

Have you considered counselling, maybe also a weekend away if someone can watch your children? Weekends away really work for us so maybe give it a shot if you can…

Post # 7
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Mauritius

The honeymoon period shouldn’t have worn off so quickly, some of it will, but it happening so drastically seems a little odd. If you have tried talking to him about it and he realises what he is doing, how it makes you feel and what he needs to do to change and he doesn’t do anything about that then there is a problem. Getting engaged after such a short amount of time and before living together doesn’t really let you have enough time to know if he is ‘the one’ or not, you need to really get to know someone before agreeing to get married, it’s a big decision. 

If you really feel that things have changed and you no longer love him then it may be time to call it a day…

Post # 8
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

You got engaged after 6 months of dating, then moved in together? Those first few months are romantic and exciting, they’re an emotional and physical high. 

It might be painful…but maybe its time to put the wedding plans on hold? Part of it just seems like the romance is gone, and that definitely happens in relationships. I bet youre not acting in the same giddy way as before, either. But part of it seems like you’re not sure you respect your FI and his ambitions and abilities, something that’s not resolved by FI remembering to bring home chocolates and flowers.  I dont think that being deliriously happy and completely blissful is a necessary prerequisite to marriage. I do think it’s necessary that you respect and admire your spouse, and that he cherish and appreciate you. 

Post # 9
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Enough is enough now. You have had the same conversation over and over. You tell him how you feel. He recognizes it too, but doesn’t implement corrective action.  Cut your losses now.

Post # 10
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

@noname06:  He won’t change. He may intend to but he won’t. Even if he manages to for a while it’ll be temporary. You shouldn’t stay with him if you don’t love him. I’ve been with my FI for 8 YEARS and the passion is still there. He texts me while at work, get’s me thoughtful gifts, takes care of me when I’m sick, etc. and I reciprocate.

And we don’t do it because that’s what we feel we have to, we do it because we want to. And if he’s finding it this difficult to “change” then he doesn’t want to.

Sorry OP 🙁 But I think you’ll be much happier when you find your right guy!

Post # 11
Member
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@noname06:  I think it is the sign of an immature person that confuses love and passion.

I am a naturally aloof person, but it doesn’t mean I don’t have the same love I did for my FI the first couple months.

It sounds like he got comfortable, you got bored, and you should probably reevaluate what being in a relationship means to you. This means that YOU need to change, because it doesn’t sound like he’s the reason you’ve fallen out of love.

Post # 12
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

@BtoR:  

My christmas present was bought 3 days before, my brithday present the day before, but I still get them…

I just had to “LOL” at this, my FI was at the store on Christmas Eve!! Haha! But to be fair he was just finishing up his last semester at uni so lots of finals and stuff 🙂

Post # 13
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@playdohpants:  His grandmother phoned him that day and boy was he is trouble when she heard… It happened to be on speaker with me there, had to refrain from laughing which was incredibly difficult.

Post # 14
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

When the honeymoon phase ends, it is upsetting and definitely requires some adjustments. And while I would encourage you to give your relationship enough time to really see how things settle, you’re in a good position to really listen to your gut here. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with this man? Give it some real consideration and go from there. Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

As a few PP have said, you’ve only been dating for a few months. If he’s messing up this much after nine months what do you think he’ll be like after nine years?

If you really think he’s right for you I highly suggest counseling. It’s tough to get to really know some one in so short a time, but having a space to talk and work through issues with a professional could really help make sure you’re on the same page with what is and isn’t working in your relationship.

Post # 16
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’d move on. Unless you can accept he is who he is, and he is NEVER going to change. No presents ever, etc.

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