- 5 years ago
Regular bee, undercover.
My SO and I met and started dating in Feb 2011. I will be 34 in a few weeks and he is 40. We love each other a lot, but our relationship has been very up and down, back and forth. Mostly, it’s his fear of commitment. He wants all his financial ducks in a row before he can think about moving on in his personal life. Because of this, our relationship has suffered. I get frustrated that we’re not moving forward so we break up. But we’ve never been able to stay away from each other. I stopped even telling people about these “break ups” because after a week or 2 we would come back together and GAH IT’S STUPID.
So we broke up in July of this year but not much changed. We had discussed moving in together at the end of the summer and in July he said he thought it wasn’t the right time. I put myself on a dating website, but never went out with anyone. I bought a house and moved in. About a month ago we had a talk and he said he knew I was on the website (he saw an email when I opened my computer) and I said that’s fine that he knows. Until he is willing to commit to me or move our relationship forward, I am free to do as I please. He agreed. A few days later we agreed to take 2 months apart- minimal contact (we would miss my birthday and the holidays, which bummed me out) and see what happened. Minimal contact turned into a phone call from him every few days. I got really busy- visiting friends in other cities and really tapping into my life here. This was 2 weeks ago.
I got a phone call from him late last night. He called to tell me that he now understands what I’ve been telling him all along about missing out on life. He has been miserable and alone the past two weeks and realizes that life isn’t about getting things perfect in one segment before moving on to the next. That these things can all coexist. It’s like he had an epiphany (of my words!).
He said he is ready to do whatever it takes to get me back and build a future with me. He said he wants to move in together and that moving into my new place makes the most sense (it’s far from his job, but in the city vs his suburban place). He said he plans to leave his job after he gets his bonus in Feb and figure out what he really wants to do with his life. (He is very set financially, so leaving his job does not impact him financially in the short term.) He said if getting engaged is what is important to me, we can make a plan for that, too. He is ready.
Bees- this is what I’ve been hoping would happen. I’ve been waiting for this. And now I’m scared. I’m scared because there has been so much back and forth. The love has always been there- ALWAYS. I’m scared that he’s taking on so many big life changes at once that he will freak out. (He’s a pretty change averse person).
He owns several homes, so it’s not like we would be “stuck” if it didn’t work out. I can cover all my expenses on my own so that’s not a worry. I’m just scared he will move in and be overwhelmed and regret it.
I didn’t give him an answer last night. I really need to think it over and then we really need to talk every detail through.
What do you think? Should I trust that he’s come around and is ready to settle down.