Post # 1
I found pictures in my hubby’s phone browser history of Google searches of “Carmen Electra play” (probably meaning Playboy), some girl who I never heard of but had a simple name so assumingly either a porn star or a girl known for her bare-it-all pictures (since that’s all the results showed!) and some UFC girl “baring it all” on some MSN news site. He grabbed at his phone, and I snooped wondering why he was grabbing at it like he was defensive over it. . .and that’s what I found. I would have rather not found them!
At first, it hurt my feelings. He used to say that he only has eyes for me. Maybe this is why it upset me. Also, it hurts to think he’s thinking of other women. I’m somewhat relieved they are models, but why does he do this?
He knows I looked. I asked him if he just looks cause he’s interested or if there’s something lacking in our relationship. He says he’s happy.
I lost my virginity to my SO, we have AMAZING sex at least twice a week, we’ve been married since December 1st, 2012, and we are best friends!
Am I doing something wrong? I’m confident I’m a great wife. Not perfect, of course. But I love him, we cuddle, we play video games together, we laugh. I totally agree that it’s natural, but I’ve found myself feeling insecure and somewhat sad after this. Do I just need to “grow a pair” and get over it?
EDIT: I work at a vet office and never wear make-up and wear scrubs all day. I come home tired and smelly, and not cute looking lol. I never do my hair, either. Maybe I need to dress it up a bit sometimes to keep him interested in looking at me, too?
Post # 3
It is okay for a guy to have fantasies. Don’t you have fantasies? It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.
Post # 4
DH has an entire picture folder on his computer of Jessica Alba, and gets Maxim every month. While I don’t like him looking at other (basically naked) women, it sure helps my concience when I’m having “personal time” and thinking about my high school English teacher!
Post # 5
@peachacid: Totally! I typically don’t look. Every now and again I will. But it’s just a quick glance. My fantasies just include him, no joke. He was the one I lost my virginity to.
Post # 6
Boys are boys. They look, it happens. My step-dad and I had a frank conversation about this one time. The looking thing, its just a thing men do. It doesn’t mean they want to ravage the woman. Men just plain look. A lot. Its built right in.
I wouldn’t be offended by it. If there’s no actions behind it, I’d consider it just a thing that pretty much all men do!
Post # 7
I remember my cultural anthropology professor was saying that all men look for the variety..which means that some men actually cheat on their wives, fiances …while others look at other women and have fantasies…He told us that it is great when a guy is able to satisfy his urge for variety by looking only..because it is really the best way possible…:)
Post # 8
Okay. Srsly… we see these posts all the time here. Girls getting upset that their guy has racy pictures on his phone/computer, their guy looks at porn, their guy masturbates.
Do you know why we see these posts all the time?
Because guys look at racy pictures and porn and they masturbate.
It has nothing to do with you or even his opinion of you. It’s actually perfectly normal for guys to do this. Heck, it’s normal for girls to do this. I have plenty of hot guy pictures on my computer.
Post # 9
Thanks so much ladies! I have always tried to be a pretty humble girl. However, I think I’m pretty! I work out, I work full time, go to school, I’ve got things going for me. I’ve just never really been with someone *SERIOUS* before him, so I need to work on just relaxing and not worrying about it.
He’s definiately not the type to cheat, and I am VERY old-school myself and don’t believe in that kind of thing, either. Thank you so much for your advice!
Post # 10
@katiebeary: I think it’s a little unreasonable to expect anyone to never want to look at a variety of attractive people. I mean, he’s not out there chasing girls or flirting or anything, he’s just looking at attractive pictures. Him looking at them does not mean he doesn’t like looking at you too.
I’m sure he’d stop if you asked him, or at least be more discreet, but I don’t see why he should have to. It’s just normal healthy behavior, not indicative that he’s bored with you or anything, try not to take it too personally.
Post # 12
And you probably never be the only one he thinks of but you’re the one he married. Put this nonsense behind you and be happy. He probably loves the way you look when you get home in your scrubs wearing no makeup. He smell might be questionable though. 🙂
Post # 13
Any dude that tells you he doesn’t fantasize about other people is lying to you. When your husband tells you he’s perfectly happy, I’m sure he’s telling you the truth. I know you just fantasize about him, but you’ve also been having sex for just a few months – that part of your relationship’s still fresh and new. Down the road you may find fantasies help spice things up.
Post # 14
I saw a smokin’ shirtless picture of Joe Manganiello (who plays Alcide on True Blood) the other day. That is one fine specimen of man. Did it make me think less of my FI? Not at all. I still lust after my FI because I’m madly in love with him. I’m not going to hop onto a Joe look-alike and leave my FI. There’s a connection with my man, and I’m not going to ruin that.
And it’s the exact same thing with your husband. He’s looking at some scantily clad or naked women because the human body can sure be a pretty thing. It doesn’t mean he hates you or your body, or that he’s in line to leave you for the next hot girl he sees.
Post # 15
@katiebeary: I’m sure that your SO loves you just the way you are and it’s nothing that you’re doing wrong. Everybody thinks of other people sexually at some point, even if they are in a relationship. I’m sorry but it’s human nature and if you try to make your husband go against these normal, natural feelings then it will damage your relationship. I mean are you telling me you have NEVER gushed about how hot Ryan Gosling is to your friends when you’re a little drunk or something?
Post # 16
@katiebeary: I think you should start trying harder for YOU, not him. That’s what I’ve been doing & I feel fantastic.
Guys will look at sexy models online. I know my FI would never in a million years think of being with another woman (& frankly, he couldn’t do better lol) but I understand that he might like to look at girls online like Jessica Beil or Jessica Alba.
It’s just a fastasy.
Now, if he went to a strip club it would be a TOTALLY different story, but I figure if all I have to worry about it him looking at model online, I must be doing a good job of keeping him happy in life, and in the bedroom 🙂