- 4 years ago
so not long ago I posted something on here about how my SO kept referring to and discussing moving away and starting a family… My concerns were about how he kept mentioning these things and why he didn’t mentioned getting engaged and being married first when he KNEW that none of the other things would happen until such time.
I asked you: ‘do you think he is planning a proposal bearing in mind I have made my values shockingly clear and bearing in mind he is suggesting that we indulgonion ‘moving away’ and ‘starting a family’ at the beginning of 2015.
Some said – maybe. You should ask him to clarify.
I asked him a couple of questions surrounding the ‘future’ in a round about way – his response was ambiguous and cryptic as usual. I was pretty fed up at this point because we have been together for 3 years, living together for 2 1/2, have a dog and are close to each others respective families. I am 27 and he is 30- and to be honest with you I knew I deserved some clarity- it’s only bloody fair!
So anyway- I had another discussion with him a few weeks later and I was very direct and clear – I said ‘I just want to be clear that you know that none of this stuff will happen until we are engaged and then married’
he said quite angrily ‘yeah, you’ve been clear!’
I said well how is it that we talk about all of these other things but we never talk about the future about ‘us’ – and he said- ‘ I thought that discussing all of these things was about us’
at this point I was just about to snap because I really really didn’t know whether I was getting strung along or not, and I was desperate to know what was going on…
i said to him why the angry tone and he said that he was frustrated that I kept bringing it up – I said the reason why I keep bringing it up ( FYI I have brought it up 3 times in 3 years) is because I never get clarity on the matter and its making me very unhappy the uncertainty is eating me alive. I don’t understand why you can’t give me some clarity on the matter.
He basically said ‘ you are ruining the spontenaty of it all, and the romance of it all’
i said wait, so you are aware of my values and you are planning accordingly? And he said ‘yes!’
i was shocked at this answer because I honestly had no idea whether he wanted to marry me – I thought that he may have just be mentioning all the other stuff just to keep me around!
I said yum sorry if you flet that I was badgering you… I certainly didn’t want to get you to give me any details, now that I know that we are on the same page that peace of mind enough for me!
His view are that the man should pick the ring and that it’s all the mans job and the woman should take no part in it ( I completely disagree) but if that’s what he wants that’s what he wants….
Anyway I’m glad that the uncertainty is over- if he wants to move and start a family at the beginning of 2015 ( and that is a very firm date from his perspective) – from the practice perspective we should be engaged at the end of this year! And married the next!!!!! I hope he knows how long it takes to plan a wedding- if not- I’m sure it’ll work out!!!
If there is anyone in an uncertain position- speak up, you’re not doing yourself any favours by suffering in silence- unless of course you are waiting waiting- in which case, trust you man and be patient.
What are you thoughts bees? Any similar situations?