Post # 1
This weekend I went home to see my parents and FI stayed behind. When I got back, he had not changed his clothes in 2 days, did not shower, did not eat. He did do a few things he needed to do for himself around the house, but he was bawling about being hungry. Believe me, there was food for him to eat and there are 3 grocery stores within a 1 mile ratio of our house.
So after driving 2 hours with our dog in the car panting the whole time and my parents cat that I am babysitting yowling the ENTIRE time, I was exhausted. But I still had to unpack, pick up the house and get ready for work, since it was Sunday night. Oh but no…he was complaining so badly about not having anything to eat that I finally went to the store and got him a ready made pasta bag that all he had to do was heat it up. I could not take listening to him complain anymore.
When I got back, I put the pasta on the counter and he kept watching TV. After about 20 minutes I said, are you going to make that? And he said he didn’t feel like it. So I lost it. Why is it my responsibility to cook for you? You are almost 30. I’m not hungry, so why do I have to do it? Why can’t you take care of yourself when I leave?!?!? DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT MAYBE I WOULD LIKE TO RELAX, TOO!?
So he replied back that I only do chores and cook so that I have something to complain about and hold over his head (actually, I do it b/c I’ve asked millions of times for help in the past and he won’t budge). And that he does not care if I ever cook for him again. So you know what? I am on dinner strike. No longer will he come home and find a beautiful dinner in the fridge waiting for him to heat up. No longer will he have his favorite things waiting for him to eat if he has a bad day, no more brownies at the end of a difficult week. Last night I made myself dinner and nothing for him. And at 11:30pm last night when he was mournfully holding his stomach and saying ‘Well…I guess I”ll cook an egg”, I didn’t say a word! I DID NOT OFFER TO MAKE HIM A DAMN EGG.
Am I the only one with a FI or SO that acts helpless? I’m tired of being engaged to a bratty teenager.
Post # 3
Good for you for putting your foot down!
Post # 4
Holy moly, he’s an adult and needs to grow up. I don’t know how you’ve put up with that behavior for so long.
Post # 5
Wow… I don’t think I could stand that behavior.
Post # 6
Oh wow, I thinkI would have lost my shit too!! My husband prefers me to cook, because honestly, I am better at it. But on days that I get home late, he will cook, and I make sure that there is easy stuff for him to make. I go away for a few days every couple of months for work, so I try to make things that he can reheat, cuz he busts his ass at work and is tired. He showers every day, and now he does a good amount of house work without me having to ask (which is amazing, cuz his mom was a house wife and did everything for him).
Post # 7
He didnt shower or eat for 2 full days?? He can’t make himself a sandwich? This seems like a serious issue to me.
Post # 8
nope mine does the same thing, I lost it the other when he couldn’t bother to help me clean up after dinner, Some days I want to shove the laptop up his ass. I get when you are busy all week and I am not at this time but god damnit help clean up after just one freaking meal on the weekend once and awhile!!! *vent over* he was informed I am not cooking when it is 100 degrees today the poor AC just cant keep up with any extra heat
Post # 9
Good for you! You have to nip it in the bud! If you don’t you’ll be doing it the rest of your life. You go girl!
DH likes to play helpless on occasion. His line is “I don’t know how.” or “You do it so much better.” My response is “I’ll talk you through it. Besides, practice makes perfect!” or “I have decided not to be an enabler. Do it yourself.”
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2011 - Mackinaw Valley Vineyard; Bloomington Center for the Performing Arts
Good for you! I hope he realizes how selfish he’s acting and stops taking you for granted!
Post # 11
@soyjoy222: WOW. That is more than an annoyance..it’s almost a red flag. I’ve always been taught if you can’t do anything for yourself, then you don’t need to be with someone else. Maybe he should hear that too.
Post # 12
Good for you. I’m betting he starts to appreciate you alot more by the end of the week, and starts doing things for you. Whata brat!
Post # 13
Ugh yes my SO is so spoiled by his mom that he does not know how to or pretends he does not know how to cook. When we hang out with his parents he’ll say something like:
Him: “I’m hungry”
Me: “You know where the kitchen is at..make youeself something”
His Mom: “What do you want mijo?”
UGH!!! She’ll go and make him what ever he wants even if she’s already prepared something. And she’ll take him to him and clean up after him. I told him he needs to break that habit because I don’t roll like that.
Post # 14
@jazinlove: Yeah, when hubs and I got together, I said ” I know your mom took care of you, but I’m not a housewife, and you will clean up after yourself and at least learn to cook a little bit, or this ain’t gonna work!”
I have to say, a few years ago I had foot surgery, and couldn’t do anything for 6 weeks. He made me food, 3 meals a day that whole time, Sure, sometimes I had to tell him step by step how to do it, and it wasn’t always perfect, but damn if he did it while not complaining once. Its time like that I think about what an amazing man I have…
Post # 15
I loved your post.. not in a bitchy way at all.. But it makes me feel better about my crazy life. Feel better knowing someone else out there goes through similar stuff I do! We have 2 toddlers and I feel like I do EVERYTHING. Cook, clean, laundry, get kids showered and to bed. Get them up in the morning, dressed and to daycare. All on top of working full time and going to school. So first of all… THANK YOU! Thank you for venting and showing me that someone else is living in craziness! But my advice to you.. Go about your everyday life.. yes its tough not to feel bad for the cute little suckers so times.. but when he when to make him self eggs.. did he offer to make you one?? My guess would be.. Umm.. HELL NO. Do you usually offer to make or get him something if you get latenight icecream.. i would assume ya probably do.. because you are a woman.. its how we work.. we always take care of him.
You do have to give him credit that he did get off his butt and did a few things that you did need him to get done. Although he chose to spread him gross man smell all over your furniture and throughout your house.. gross. There comes a point he has to think about you and not just him. When he finally cracks and asks you not to be mad. Explain it all to him.
Post # 16
LOL! I’m so proud you put your foot down!