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@Miss. Flutterby: Can't you just get married at the courthouse and then have a reception? I know you want people there, but it seems like if you put your money into the reception and have a really inexpensive ceremony, it might work better
@MrsSl82be: Ceremony isn't costing more than the officiant fee.
Ultimately it needs to be what YOU are happy and satisfied with. If you are happy taking a loan, spending a tonne of money and having the big wedding, then that's fine, but at the end of the day, if you go against what you are COMFORTABLE with, then you will have a bad taste in your mouth over the whole thing.
I just recently dealt with something like that, people weighing in to give their options that just did not sit well with me....I stood my ground (against my own mom's wishes, nonetheless) and I felt a weight come off my shoulder. Stay true to yourself.
@Miss. Flutterby: Oh ok. Well then, I would just tell people that you need help, but you only want help if they are going to do it your way. Its your wedding, and you shouldnt' have to put up with nay sayers. Can't your bridal party help?
@MrsSl82be: My sister is my only bridal party member. Again, family would have been upset that I asked so and so and not so and so. So I just stuck with my sister.
FI is trying to help but he's pretty indifferent to the wedding portion, he just wants to get married. He feels bad we don't have more money to spend though.
@med700: I'm afraid of that too. I'd rather do something beautiful and simple within our means then have something lavish. It's just one day.
@Moja Milosc: I'm thinking Dessert and light refreshments. So that's pretty much my plan. I'm having a hard time finding a venue that allows you to self cater.
what is your idea of a tiny budget? IF you dont mind me asking. There are a lot of ladies that plan weddings for under 2k. I think weather or not those people think that you can pull it off is a matter of opinion. Do your homework shop around and bargin with vendors. If you are determined you can make it work. Cut back on the things that you dont NEED and just have a fun celebration of your marriage with the people you love. You could even have a bbq in June :)
@organizedbride11: $5000 for everything. We are in NY though so I hear that complicates things. I'm determined to make it work.
Right now, I'm cutting out flowers and using my "crafting army" to make decorations. Should we have the money I'd love to incorporate some simple flowers in.
I'm thinking a dessert reception, maybe with some light refreshments with the idea that the ceremony and reception will run from 1-4 on a sunday afternoon. It will def be a more informal type of reception. I know family and friends will help with baking including a wedding cake.
Vendors such as photographer and DJ I have friends who have friends so it would be a lower rate. Or I'd forgo the DJ and just iPod the reception. I'd love it if peopled danced but because of the time I'm not sure if they will.
The dress, I'm really kind of a simple girl. Most of the dresses I've found myself liking (at least according to intenet searches, I refuse to try on dresses until I know when our wedding is) are in the $500 range. I have my heart set on a tea length dress.
Did I mention you guys are awesome? This thread is already more positive then I've had in the few months I've been engaged.
Oh, you can totally do it!! Check out 2000dollarwedding.com and offbeatbride.com (and offbeat tribe, which is linked to from offbeat bride). There are so many folks doing weddings on budgets like that!! You can do it!
OMG! i totally understand!
i pretty much hated the first month of wedding planning.. probably more!
i couldnt believe that ppl actually enjoyed it. I only wanted a really small wedding. Like max 40 ppl. Its been sooo frustrating because the invite list is now up to 91. not my idea of the perfect wedding. i imagined it to be really small and intimate. i dont want ppl there who arnt in my life and who havent made an effort to be in my life. also my mum wants to invite some of her friends which im not at all happy about. i hate that i am sharing something so personal with ppl who mean nothing to me.
Also, what i want for my wedding, i show ppl and they say no you wouldnt want that. I know its my day (and FH's), and i can have what i want, but i do like to know what others think. and i do want to share the process with ppl,but my ideas just get slammed. (they are nothing special. just things like a lolly stand etc.
grrr ita ao frustrating. we have been talking about eloping because it is just sooo frustrating. I ended up shutting ppl out and then not doing any organising at all. for about a month. i have just started getting into it again. but i have been hiding things that i am doing. and i HATE that i have to hide things! Im a really creative person, everyone who knows me knows this. and it just frustrates me that everyone just cant say ok ill help you with that idea rather than wow that idea is shit. arghhh
anyways sooo sorry to have a vent on your post!
i feel better now
lol!
@lizzieloverex: Don't apologize. It's sort of nice to know that I'm not the only one going crazy. I've seen a bunch of Lolly stands on the internets. You should check them out. Google Candy Buffets. Seriously beautiful stuff.
I rotate weeks between planning, saying I'm going to elope, and saying I never want to get married and none of it has to to do with the FI. All of it is this planning drama.
I have my mantra that there is only one thing that matters on the day I (finally) choose. That we get married. That's the goal, the prize, the reason for it all. Everything else is pretty and fun just not neccesary.
Good Luck with everything. :)
Sweetheart i to have a small budget. There eventually came alot of conflict with my FI and me, because i kept trying to find ways to please everyone: FRIENDS/FAMILY,WITH A BIG RECEPTION, GORGEOUS FAVORS"CLASSY" CUTLERY,etc.
But i reflected and it dawned on me......Its about FI and i getting married. After this day WE CONTINUE ON..while ery1 njoyed themselves and we struggling finacially cuz of the "big" wedding. LOOK @ THE FUTURE nc what u prefer. GOOD LUCK!!
Well damn!! I just keep getting shot down :)
you can always just say f it all, go to the courthouse, and have a fabulous honeymoon. Then, when you come back and people complain about it, then you can say its their fault for being the way they have been :)
That's what I would do, anyway...
thats really good to remember! i will tell myself that every time now when this sort of crap keeps happening.
what things have you planned so far?
do you have a colour theme?
@Miss. Flutterby: I have a budget of $5000 now, it had been kind of open ended with my parents contributing $10,000 but it was eating away at me and I HATED planning, to the point where I almost called it off because I thought if I hate planning this much, I must not want to marry him... I was getting so much pressure to keep everyone happy that the costs just kept adding up and up and up. So we had a wedding overhaul and cancelled just about everything we didn't feel we needed.
As far as a venue goes (and this is coming from a person who does not care about decor) we're doing it in our yard with a tent, some rented tables and chairs and picnic blankets. Other options we looked at were some of those little "orpheums" they have at public parks, VFW's and church recreation halls. All of which will allow you to self cater. We are cooking our own meat and are just buying pre made sides from the barbecue restaurant down the street, delicious and affordable. and people are bringing desserts which should be fun. We're pretty much planning the reception in a similar way to a family reunion, lots of space, lots of food and lots of guests.
Honestly, I think you have such a great attitude toward marriage. You just want to be married because you love your fiance so much and if it means you don't get a big fancy wedding, then you're ok with that because you just want to be married. I think that's such a great attitude. So much better than some brides who care more about the wedding than the actual marriage. I don't understand how your family can be angry at this. It's ridiculous.
I'm sure you will make it work and it will be wonderful. I have been to simple cake receptions and they were perfect. There are loads of people who have smaller or less expensive weddings.
@MrsSl82be: It's a complicated situation. lol. I appreciate all your support though. The idea does keep crossing my mind though to just have a ceremony and whoever wants to come can come and then just having an awesome honeymoon. lol.
@lizzieloverex: I have very little planned. I kind of refuse to plan more than in idea stages until I find a venue that is within our budget. I feel like so much depends on where it is and when for that matter. I have preferences on when to get married but it really all depends on the venue. In my head though, I love blue, and butterflies
@Moja Milosc: I'm looking into the local parks now. I looked into a lot of VFWs and tents and both options were pretty expensive for me anyway. I'm looking into the same vibe though, more family reunion (maybe with pretty dresses) less Weddingy. For some reason the word Wedding makes everything complicated.
@Mz Izzie: I love that you said "classy" cutlery. I totally understand that frustration. I feel like the people we've narrowed it down to shouldn't care about what they're eating, or what they're eating off of, that they should be happy to be present for the day.
Again, just to remind you, I can't believe how awesome Bees are.
I feel a little better than I did this morning. I'm going to try to visit a public park this weekend and see what the room they rent looks like. I feel like everything will get a little easier once I have a venue and a day. I might be fooling myself but I'm going with little goals. :)
@padresgirl: Thank you padresgirl!
I think they're coming from a good place. It's just not constructive right now.
i had my reception booked for two months before i found a venue. i am totally in love with my venue and it is what has sort of pushed me into wanting to actully do anything wedding related! hopefully you'll find yours soon and will help you too!
this is a link of where im going to do it.. i live in Australia in a small country town.. and this little gem is only 20 minutes away out in woop woop (have to travel on a dirt road to get there.. was a convict settlement..
it is better in real life though!
http://www.leahkua.com/blog/2011/05/21/cheyenne-nicolas-greenwich-park-wedding/
just wanna say that i feel really good about the wedding now after all these posts! makes me realise what i do have.. Glass Half Full thinking from now on!
Miss Flutterby, you mention that you are active in a church, and want your union blessed by the Church. I also grew up in a church that does not bless marriages of cohabitating couples, but they do host very affordable weddings!
Are you able to have a reception that you would be happy with at a church property? Many of the more conservative churches in my area have a kitchen and a general purpose room that can be used to host pot-luck dinners and events for church members. The "rental fee" isn't significant for church members/parishioners - but at my family church I would be responsible for the cleanup afterwards, whether that meant showing up with the mop myself, or paying for the regular janitor's overtime.
Oftentimes churches have rules or by-laws that limit what type of music can be played, whether an alcohol can be served and even whether or not you may have dancing - but if you don't take exception to any of the rules that your church might have, you may do well investigating if you might be able to host a "cake and punch" type reception at the church after the wedding. The church family will sometimes offer to help out with these types of weddings too - especially if you extend an open invitation to the entire congregation.
(I looked into this option myself, but my FI's family is of a different denomination and we aren't sure everyone would be completely comfortable. Plus my childhood church is a bit... well, ugly.)
I looked into it. My church is kind of tiny. The sanctuary is the biggest part but, they won't let us have anything but the ceremony there and it's actually at a pretty hefty fee.
Thank you though, I've heard of people doing this and it seems to turn out beautifully though.
@Miss. Flutterby: Sounds like you are definately on the right track of thinking for keeping it under budget (especially in NYC!!!) Your Sunday brunch idea will definately help cut costs! It also sounds like you and your FI really, in the end, just want to be married and want your friends and family's support on the day! I know how it is to have opinions coming from every which way, and ignoring them and doing what you want is much easier said than done! I would compromise in areas that aren't that important to you (granted they are still in your budget!) and stand your ground on the things that are. Good luck and no matter what you decide, I'm sure the one thing you'll remember most is that you got to marry your best friend, and that's all that REALLY matters!!!!
Your wedding will not be about a fancy party, it will be about just what you said, you marrying the man you love and if people cant get with it, they need to build a bridge and get over it.
your budget is the same as mine but I cannot imagine planning with that in NY, you are right... for NY it is tiny. HOWEVER.... you go ahead and plan yourself a fun, awesome time focusing on you and your man! That's what it's all about anyway. Do people come to the wedding for the venue/expensive food/elaborate party of it all? No, they come to see you and your hubby get married. Anyone who has a different opinion needs to get over that. It's them not you. So don't think another thought about it. :)
@mightywombat: I totally love 2000wedding. I wish I could pull off something like that but I can't find anything in the area.
@cameronwedding: Thanks. I'm pretty sure in about another month I'll be telling them the same thing.
@SimplyChic11: Thanks. It's a good reminder to hear that they're there for us not the party.
Can't make everybody happy. But it's okay, they will deal with it. Weddings trigger a lot of family stuff, and it's not the last time you disagree. So I say practice being okay with saying no to people and you'll always be a winner if you stay true to yourself. Have your wedding the way you and your fiance envision it.
This situation is cropping up again,
said family member doesn't feel included enough
My wedding is in June of 2012. I don't even know what I could GIVE her to do. I've invited her to every venue appointment, she doesn't come.
I'm even going to a bridal show because I know she likes them.
Seriously, not even sure how I could make her feel more included at this point.
Granted, said family member is going through a rough time, unemployment, bad relationship breakup, but I feel like I'm entitled to be happy about getting married, hell I deserve to be damn excited and she's taking it away from me..
This argument happens just about every other week with either her or another family member about her.
I'm just getting so frustrated I keep thinking maybe we should just elope and use our wedding budget for the honeymoon instead.
We both wanted a wedding to share with our loved ones but the way I've been feeling this past three months part of me just doesn't think it's worth the fuss.
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I guess this will mostly be venting so I apologize but I needed to get this out somewhere.
So, I have a teeny-tiny budget for my wedding and FI and I have super big families. Our narrowed down to the least guest list is approx 125.
I've got tons of naysayers in my life telling me I can't pull the wedding off and that I'm shortchanging myself but I can't see putting my life on hold because of a party. We have enough money to get married just not for a wedding.
I've honestly been doing everything by myself because of this. Finally, I reached out and asked someone for help. Honestly, just to make a phone call, and now there's conflict. Another family member is upset that I didn't ask her and saying that I'm shutting her out. Honestly, I'm shutting everyone out because people keep telling me it isn't possible. How are you helping me by telling me it isn't possible?
I love being engaged and I'm so excited to get married. I hate wedding planning though. It's honestly one of the worst experiences for me right now.
I don't want to wait until there is more money. Honestly, there isn't much more we can save for something like that then what we have. We've been together for 8 years. We cannot live together because our church will not marry us if we are cohabitating. We really wanted to have our loved ones surrounding us on the day we got married so eloping is really a very last option.
I just don't understand how to keep everyone happy during this process, especially myself. I would love to ask for help but then people comendeer my wedding and it becomes something I don't want OR people tell me it's not possible OR someone gets upset that I asked so-and-so and not them.
Oh, they're also telling me that I'm conceeding to FI by not having the big wedding we can't afford. Would I like a big wedding? Sure. But honestly, I just want to get married to him, wear a pretty dress, have some cake, a dance, and be surrounded by those we love and that love us. I'm so frustrated that people keep telling me how I feel.
Anyone else feel this way? Or have any solutions?
Thanks Ladies.