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i see the inclusion, but i think it is a very elegant ring. i love the style of it. that being said, i agree with you- he should be able to save $500 for you. (this is of course not knowing either of your financial situations). would you be opposed to getting the ring with both your money? that way it would take less time to save.
Just bring it up to him tactfully. Like I always say when someone doesn't love their ring, you do have some say in the process. I personally advocate shopping together. :) haha. Just pull up the picture, show it to him, sell it to him... and point out that it's not that much more expensive than your current ring and you'd really get your money's worth.
Good luck!
have you talked to him about it? lay off the attitude when you do (your second to last line sounds a little bratty), and see what he thinks.
Also he put no effort into his proposal. He didn't even really say romantic things or anything. He just asked me to marry him with his internet ring while I was getting changed in our bedroom one day. And he's a really creative guy - he writes beautiful songs and paints gorgous pictures and clearly is capable of doing something (and he knows I'm a sentimental person who would really appreciate a thoughtful proposal). I don't know. I guess I just feel like maybe he didn't really care too much about my feelings (about the ring and proposal). I don't like telling people our story because people expect him to have done something wonderful and he didn't really do anything worth talking about at all. I'm crying right now just thinking about it.
@kitzy: i don't think it's bratty of her to be considering rings in the $500 range. without knowing their financials, this seems more than reasonable.
@Miss JoelsBee: i would talk to him about all these feelings. it sounds like there's a deeper issue of you not feeling appreciated.
I'm not saying you don't deserve a nice proposal or ring, but something about reading this just left me with a bad taste. Like, I can see where the disappointment is coming from but don't be so hard on him!
Why can't you have a sit-down and say "I love you and I want to marry you, but I also want to feel like we're doing this for real and that some thought went into it. I like my ring but it's very included and I worry it won't last. This is more my style of ring, it won't take too long to save for it and it will last forever. I'd love it if we could have a do over and get things off on a better note."
Take it from there, but be as gracious as possible. The last thing you want to do is make it a big deal or hurt his feelings over this when it should be a happy time for both of you.
Trust me I am not hard on the guy. He knows I love him and that the most important thing is that we're getting married and that we love each other. I am also not normally materialistic at all (I know how my post sounds). If it was about wanting an expensive ring I doubt I'd be looking at moissanite in the first place.
The thing that bothers me is that he knows all this. He knew that I would have wanted a nice romantic proposal and he knew that I wanted to only have one ring I would wear forever. I felt disapointed because he ignored all of that in favour of being...I guess, lazy. And like I said it's not because he's just a low-key kind of non-romantic guy. He's a freaking poet! I felt sad because he puts so much effort (he's a perfectionist really) into every area of his life except this one huge thing- his proposal.
I do not expect much and I'm not a demanding person AT ALL. I just felt a little disapointed that he didn't put himself out there even just a little this one time.
This may seem like a weird thing to say, but what if you sat down and talked with him about it, and if you decide to upgrade, maybe helped pay for it a bit? Especially since it seems money is so tight for you both. My FI and I picked out my ring together, and while we charged it to his credit card, all of our bills are now consolidated and I'm actually paying for part of the ring with my paycheck as well. It could be a joint effort, or he could pay you back later if you want it truly from him, but either way.. just a thought!
@Miss JoelsBee: I understand, trust me. But this is reality. I know it sucks to hear because we want the ring to be perfect and the proposal to be special. But sometimes guys just go their own way and it can leave us going "Ummm... huh?" At the end of the day the best thing to do is have a good cry, maybe go out to the car for a secret tantrum and then choose to talk about it, or choose to get over it.
I know it's not what you want to hear, and I hope you don't think I'm attacking you. But you can either suffer in silence and watch your resentment build and build as the engagement goes on, or you can choose to be honest (but tactful) and see if it gets you the end result you want.It doesn't make you greedy and it doesn't make you a bad person, it's just one of many decisions pertaining to your relationship that you're going to find yourself making.
And not for nothing, but my husband says a lot of the time guys really underplay or rush through the proposal because they are nervous. Keep that in mind.
Maybe it's better to get the moissanite ring like you wanted. Then you guys can do a proposal renewal too, since the first proposal sounds like it left you with some disappointment. Good luck, OP!
I think you should pay for your own upgrade at this point. Although, I think you need to ask for his opinion on the the matter.
Thank you. I just wanted to vent. I did try to bring it up to him and he kind of acted like I was ungrateful for my ring, which I'm not. I cherish it and love it, and him. All I was trying to say was that I was disapointed that he didn't try to do something special! I guess I offended people with my 'brattiness'!
Like other posters have stated..... I think you need to sit down and talk with him. The ruby ring is beautiful, but I can see the inclusion in your pic. Is that ring returnable? If it is, you can have the $200.00 to put towards the Moissanite ring you really want. I would tell him that is what you really want to do. I don't think you are being a princess or a bitch at all. Even if money is tight.....and it's tight for all of us...... I think it's totally reasonable to put a few hundred dollars on a credit card to purchase the ring you really want.
And my proposal wasn't romantic either......it was basically non existant. We had already purchased a home with co-mingled funds and it just seemed like a logical thing to get married......more practical if something were to happen to either of us. Not romantic at all.
I hope all goes well with your ring..........go for the Mossanite. (((hugz)))
Hey ~ don't feel bad. I can tell by the way your wrote your messages that you're not a brat, or being a princess. I have felt very similar feelings so I understand a little bit. With my FI, I kindof had to pull a, "HEY! THIS IS THE ONE, THE ONE, THING YOU HAVE TO GET RIGHT! then I'll be doing everything from here on out...EVERTTHING!! planning our wedding, carrying our children, giving birth to them...it's a breeze from here on for you so just do this ONE thing for me". kindof whipped him into shape a bit, LOL. For real though, there were a few things that were really important to me that I didn't mention because I thought it was obvious and that he is such a caring thoughtful creative guy, that he should have known better. So, while I appreciate everything and can't really complain (because some girls are worse off), it's still hard to watch other girls get this and that and to be left wanting. You're not alone. I haven't read the whole thread but is it possible he got a smaller ring so that you could "upgrade" to a wedding set that you really like? My FI ended up getting me a little solitaire for that reason, because he was scared sh*tless that he couldn't get exactly what I wanted for the rest of my life, so he gave to me with the intention that we'd get a new one made.
Reading some of the other posts.....sweetie you are far from bratty. The ruby ring is lovely, but it's not your dream ring.
As a side note, I have two erings. My original which is yellow gold, half carat center round diamond with some side stones. And my second which is a white gold Diamond Nexus (similar to Moissanite) princess cut 1.24 carat with side stones. I wanted something "larger" without paying the diamond price.
You are far from bratty. Talk to him.....tell him how you feel, tell him how much you love him and how much it means to you to have a ring you will love and cherish. I would play off of the inclusion in your ruby as well, because I think it is possible that at some point in the future it could crack and break.....
Ditto was PP said.. just sit and talk with him. I bet you all could work something out.
@junebug12: I second this idea. My FI and I went shopping for rings together and the ring that we both really liked was beyond what he could afford. He felt horrible about it that he couldn't get what I wanted. I ended up contributing some money and now I have a ring that we are BOTH really proud of.
Could you save up $100 to help him out a bit, especially if your current ring is unreturnable? Trust me, contributing toward your own ring does not make it any less special!
If this ring was bought at a mall, them I'm guessing it was a chain jewlery store like Kays or Zales? If so, you should be able to take it to another store and see if they have the same ring that you can exchange it for that does not have the inclusion. They sell the same style ring at their stores, but that does not mean they all have the same quality stone. I bought a pink sapphire at one store, saw an inclusion and just went around other ones until I found one that I couldn't see an inclusion in, and they let me exchange it no problems. Without the inclusion would you be happier with it?
Also, I dont think its unreasonable at all to want a different ring for that budget, but if its really out of reach, maybe you can upgrade later down the road and always have this ring...I think it'd make a great right hand ring too.
I thought about contributing to it but he wouldn't go for that. Oh well. I do like the ring, what made me sad was just that he didn't try to make me feel special or appreciated or anything. Thanks for all the replies.
If I remember correctly (someone correct me if im' wrong) rubies are the same makeup as sapphires, so they are a very durable stone also with a hardness of 9 and you shouldnt have to worry about every breaking it.
I am just going to throw this thought out here. Is it possible that what you really feel is sadness about the quality of your relationship with him? Perhaps you don't feel treasured by him (and his recent proposal in particular) and are second guessing things. Are you fixating on the ring because it is safer? I can tell you from personal experience that while experiencing post-partum depression I switched engagement rings four times. They were all perfectly beautiful rings but I had to find something "acceptable" to fixate on so that I didn't have to deal with my real feelings.
I think your ring is beautiful but the crack would bother me. I have a gorgeous amethyst ring with a crack like that but I don't care b/c it's not my e ring. If it were my e ring, that would bug the hell out of me. I think if your fi was willing to upgrade to this one, he sounds like he could be willing to upgrade/change this one. You are not a bitch at all. It's a ring you plan to wear a long time or forever (depends if you upgrade) ;) so I would definitely talk to your fi again. And $300 sounds like it could be doable. I know it's a lot of money but it's not thousands more. :) Best of luck!
Just read your other reply. I'm sorry he didn't put as much effort into this. I think guys can be so dumb and lazy sometimes. I know for me, over the years, I have to tell my husband specifically want I want. I know some guys are super romantic but mine is below average. ha ha
@Miss JoelsBee: What if you talk to him and get the moissanite ring with a simple band together, as your wedding band? And then you can switch the ruby to your right hand, so you're still wearing the ring he proposed with. But you'd get to have a ring that makes you happy?
I would definitely talk to him about how you're thrilled you're engaged, but you feel disappointed about the level of thought that went into it. As far as the proposal itself though, mine was nothing special. And my fiance absolutely knew I'd say yes, but he was still really nervous he was going to mess it up (knowing I'd tell the story so many times and what a big deal it was), so I also got no speech. It doesn't necessarily mean he didn't care enough for a speech, just maybe that the asking itself was the big deal in his mind.
@Miss JoelsBee:While I think it's a nice ring, I totally understand where you're coming from. My fiance bought me an internet ring off zales.com with tons of little diamonds. It is meant to be a right-hand ring. I too wanted a moissanite ring for under $1000, which is within his budget. Even worse, the ring's smallest size it came in was a 6, and I am a 5. Because of all the little diamonds, it has been hard to re-size and they ended up making it into an uncomfortable oval shape. It's so not me :(
I think the best thing you can do is talk to him and tell him what you really want in a ring. Just put it to him that you aren't going to ask for a lot (or even ANY) other jewelry over the course of your life together, but this is the thing that's really important.
I know exactly how you feel, and I don't think you're being b*tchy as other posters have suggested. IMO many times those that criticize girls for not liking their ring are exactly the kind who make it known to their sig o EXACTLY the ring they wanted, or went shopping for the ring together. So how would they understand?
You are probably right. This is probably just my first post-engagement committment freak-out. The ring is lovely and there is no reason why I shouldn't love it. I guess I'm just worried that his thoughtless proposal might be a reflection of how our relationship is going to be once we're committed for life.
@Miss JoelsBee: I think your concerns are valid. Obviously I can't judge the quality of your relationship based on what you have shared. Men don't change because they get married. I think hoping he will change is going to lead to disappointment and resentment if that is what you are doing. I don't think that, by acknoweledging that some of your feelings have more to do with him than the ring, you need to see your desire to have a new ring as wrong. I would definitely tell him you would prefer something else to wear forever. I would be honest and direct with him about what you want because if he gets angry or refuses to get you something you would like wouldn't you want to know that about him before you marry him?
@Miss JoelsBee: I can completely understand where you are coming from and I do not think you are being a brat about it at all. There are ways to work around the ring but I don't think its as much about the ring as it is what the ring represents. I am willing to bet that if he had done some grand display for a proposal and told you that was all he could afford right now you would love that ring with all of your heart. Instead, every time you look at the ring you are reminded of how he didn't take the time and effort to listen to you and making it special. He's a poet for goodness sake, of course you expected more. I am guessing the fact that he is all artsy and has a way with romance is a large part of what you saw in him in the first place. What it comes down to is either you don't say anything (in order to keep him happy) and be resentful for the rest of your life or you have a heart to heart with him and let him know exactly how you feel. If he really loves you he will understand and make it right. Who says you can't have a do over proposal? :-)
If money was in issue, why not just offer to pay for a new one yourself now, then later on in life he can buy you something.
I bought my first ring, granted our accounts are joined since we moved in together, but I felt like it was a team effort. We both agreed the next upgrade would come from him.. money that he purposely will save to buy with.
Just an idea. I'm a big advocate for "team playing" when it comes to finances.
I completely understand where you are coming from, and do not think you are being materialistic or ungrateful... I had a ring picked out also, and it was very modest as we are on a tight budget too. But I had similar sentiments... what is saving for a few months in order to give an expression of how you feel, your commitment, etc. My wonderful fiance thought that he'd surprise me with a bigger ring, without researching the fact that diamonds come in different clarity and colors- so the larger diamond (.75 instead of .5) shocked me at first, and then when I noticed the inclusions and looked up the exact clarity and color (I don't even remember what my diamond is actually rated, which shows how much it matters!!!!), I was a little bummed he didn't get a smaller one, with a higher quality. Picky picky, I am.....
But then I got to thinking. My FI and I are both FULL of flaws.... so what better than a slightly included gemstone to represent the commitment we are making to eachother. Despite the flaws, it is still beautiful. He says he wants to buy me a "better" soliatire for our 5 year anniversary, because he could sense my surprise. While I am thrilled with my ring and the love and FOREVER that it represents, it wasn't the one I picked out... Your ruby is beautiful, and think of it as a representation of what the two of you have. It's fine for you to feel the way you feel!
My ring is definitely not as nice, extravagant, or fancy as some of my friends, but I have learned really doesn't matter to me.... I once had a roommate who couldn't believe some men bought engagement rings at, "THE MALL?!?!?!?" She got her Tiffany's ring... is she any happier than me? I don't think so!
Also, our proposal was absolutely amazing, but once during an argument I tried to claim that I had "set up" our proposal... I wanted to watch a sunset at the park we were at on the day he planned to propose, and it became his perfect opportunity to pop the question. Did he spend hours thinking of a time, place, and the perfect words to say? No- but he was nervous, had put the thought into wanting to ask me to be his WIFE, and when the moment felt right to him he asked me to be his wife. I am so glad I didn't expect it and was able to feel surpsrise and excitement....
I have read lots of posts about girls whose guys can only afford a Cubic Zirconia (sp?) and they are abosultely happy and the photos they posted are beautiful- these can be as inexpensive as $20... And remember that many people only wear their wedding bands once they're married. I saw some CZ wedding bands that are beautiful, and even this diamond one from Helzberg Diamonds is only about $250.
Helzberg has a "Smart Value" line, which is what my ring is... hence the inclusions... but there are a lot of products in that line for us budget brides :)
Good luck, girl! Hope that you find some peace with your feelings, I know it can really be tough when you ARE so happy but there's that little twinge of uncertainty.
UPDATE:
thanks for all the replies, it was really helpful reading them and I realized that it wasn't really the ring that was upsetting me, it was the fact that I felt he didn't care...
BUT while my fiancee may be a little bit...er, rough around the edges when it comes to romance, he wound up hearing about me being sad (my friend told him) and ever since he's been making me feel special every day!
First, I came on weddingbee and found that he had made himself a profile and posted the sweetest thing on the grooms board...don't know how to link but it's called A groom to be and a fumbled engagement... and I posted about it in a post called All better!
Then on Valentines day he gave me a big cheesy surprise (flowers, banners, cupcakes!) and took me out to dinner and at the end of the night, he pulled out a diamond ring I know he can't afford. I told him to return it because it really wasn't about the ring, it was about caring and he clearly showed he cared! I love him so much!
@Miss JoelsBee: Yeah, I remembered his "Fumbled proposal" post, so when I read this, I was like "um...isn't he gonna read this anyway since he's ON Weddingbee?"
He's probably read it by now but he wasn't on weddingbee before he signed up to write his post. I think it's so cute that he did that!!
I know this is an older post, but I really just wanted to let you know that this looks JUST like my moms engagement ring, except my moms is a marquee shape instead of oval! She has a ruby band too that has little princess rubies going all the way around the band. I have to say that as a little girl I have always admired my moms ring, and it had an inclusion like yours too. My mom has since upgraded, but I still love her (and your) ring!
I too thought it was very pretty and your FI sounds wonderful after reading all that. You have the "real" gem near you, glad everything turned out well.
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Due to a tiny budget my fiancee proposed with a hiddeous thing he ordered off the internet (it had a hollowed out band and just weird proportions)..luckily he didn't like it either so we returned it and he gave me a little ruby ring from the mall. I like it but I don't absolutely LOVE it. It's very pretty but it's just tiny and the ruby has major inclusions in it (like a massive internal crack running across the length of the stone). It's not noticable in artificial light but in daylight it's very visible. Don't get me wrong, the ring is pretty and what's more important is that my love wants to marry me, but still...
I had showed him rings I really like (I wanted a moissanite ring for around $500) that I would love and wear forever and never feel the desire to upgrade. I feel really bad about secretly wishing he would have got me one of the rings I really wanted because...well the ring he bought from the mall was $200 which was more than he spent on the internet ring (so he already upgraded for me) and I just feel greedy wanting something that's literally double the price of the one he gave me. I'm not ungrateful and it's not about money (obviously!) -it's about the fact that this ring is tiny and going to wear out or break one day and will need to be replaced and I'm a big sentimental freak and I want something I can wear forever.
We're pretty low inc. but I guess I just feel like it's not 'THAT' hard to save up $500 to give the woman you want to marry something she will treasure and wear forever.
I realize I sound like an ungrateful b*tch and I feel really guilty for feeling kind of disapointed...but there it is. Just wanted to get that off my chest.