Post # 1
There I was getting ready to have a Super Bowl Sunday Game/Wedding Planning Date with my one AND ONLY bridesmaid, when I decide to call her and see when I should expect her, adn to my shock and horror, she blow me off to go to the beach with the same guy that used to beat her in front of her children. Mind you, I’m all for finding love, but when it comes in the way of me and my wedding, that’s another story. I am now 6 months out from the wedding and have yet to get her to cooperate with picking a dress. And to add salt to the wound, while at the beach the jerk proposed and she said ….YES. I know I really have a "smart" friend, but I wondering if I have full right to be upset?? I’m very upset about this, I’ve been a GREAT friend to her, dropping any and everything at the drop of a dime when she needed me and to think for just ONE event I can’t even be one of her priorities. I hope I’m not being a Bridezilla about this, but I’m pretty pissed.
Post # 3
It sounds like you’re upset at her not being able to be there for your day, but also, since you’re a good friend, you’re very (rightly) concerned that she is ditching you to spend time on a relationship that has not been good for her in the past.
I think the best thing to do here is just to sit down with her and talk out your expectations of her as a BM, and try to set a date to pick out the dress, etc.
Post # 4
I would definitely sit down and have a talk with her – if it were me. Yes, she’s blown you off for something important, but the bigger issue is that she’s gotten herself (again) into a very unhealthy relationship, and probably the excitement from him being "back" or "sorry" is overshadowing other important aspects of her life. (Such as her friend’s wedding).
Unfortunately, my best friend lived out of state with someone who beat her horribly for 3 years, and could not be convinced to leave. Eventually – after the second or third attempt to kill her – she left. It can really be a horrible situation, especially if her children are involved. (Which, also, you can always report if you feel it necessary).
You may not be able to change her mind – but you can plant the seed. Once so many people take notice and say something, on top of the physical abuse, eventually she will put 2 & 2 together and hopefully do something about it. In the meantime, once brought to her attention that it bothers you, she may be able to spend more time with you in regards to your wedding planning. Hope everything goes well!
Post # 5
I think you need to chat with her to see if she is still interested in being in your wedding. If she is, tell her how crucial it is that you pick a date soon to work out the BM dress situation.
As far as her choice in men, you kind of can’t say too much about it. Sure, you can give her advice and tell her that you are worried about her safety when she is with someone that treats her like that, but it’s up to her in regards to what, if anything, she wants to hear. She may also get upset with you, but realize that at the end of the day she is probably more upset with herself than you. I’ve had some people very close to me make these kinds of decisions. Unfortunately, I’ve said my peace, but they still do what they want to do and sadly keep choosing losers.
Post # 6
Let us know how it ends up working for you!
Post # 7
hey you guys just wanted to thank you for your comments and to say that since then I’ve spoken to my friend and we picked out a dress. Although we picked out a dress, to my horror I saw that not only did she get two more tattoos but one of them was HIS NAME, so yea. Since her visit she fell out with him again and is looking to get the tat covered, right now I’m wondering if she’s just NEEDS attention….
Post # 8
Well the good thing here is that she is away from him, at least for now. Give her lots of hugs.. Maybe she’ll figure out she’s better off without him. Good luck.
Post # 9
I agree with Tayna123- just be there for her. Maybe she’ll realize she’s better off without him 🙂
Post # 10
Couldn’t agree more. I had a friend who constantly put herself in harm’s way to be with a verbally abusive guy. Time after time- I would tell her where I started to sound like a broken record. However, she finally came to her senses and said, "you’re right" and it ended. I just continued to hug and praise her for the person she was. I told her I didn’t agree with him and his ways in a relationship.
If he were to beat her like you said he did to your friend-that would be a completely different story. I would try to get her to go to the police and file a constraint against him.
Post # 11
I think the situation is a lot more complex than your everyday-story of a friend missing a wedding planning date. It sounds like your friend has a lot of very serious issues in her life. I think that the best thing to do would be to find a way to be there for your friend. Unfortunately, you can’t make her pick a better guy, but perhaps you can find ways to help her with her self-esteem and help her believe in herself a little more.
I think that this situation is so complex that you should try to be there for your friend, even if she misses a few wedding planning dates. After all, your wedding will come and go, but it seems like she will need friends like you in the future.