I'm really down… How does everyone else cope???

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I tried to change my mindset from hoping it would happen to assuming it wouldn’t.  That way the news is a pleasant surprise.

I got pregnant on the second try but had a miscarriage.  Then it took four more cycles.  Now I am 7w pregnant again but am skittish about it and unable to get excited.

The anxiety doesn’t end after the TWW so you need to find a way to deal with it.  I really hate being pregnant right now.  I have to change my behavior but I can’t tell anyone why.  I really just want to ignore the world for another 5 weeks but that is not really possible.  And don’t get me started on worrying about how management will react at my job.

I get the control freak tendency.  I am the same way in some respects.  But this is the time to try and get over that tendency because there is nothing more annoying than a control freak parent.  So consider this the first round of practice for parenthood!

Post # 5
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t really have any advice but jut wanted to say I’m sorry you’re having a rough time and I hope you get your BFP soon!

Post # 6
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@proudcatlady:  I get it.  I’m 36.  (I was 35 when I miscarried.)  But just remember that there is nothing you can do other than a little research, some well-timed BDing, and ultimately seeking medical intervention.  But right now you are either pregnant or not, and freaking out in the next week until you find out will not change that.

There is a saying: “Worrying is like paying interest on debt you haven’t borrowed.”

Post # 8
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

@proudcatlady:  I totally understand. I am a planner. A list-maker. An organiser….I like to know what’s going on, when, how etc. etc. etc This is really one aspect of my life that I can’t control!

I think it comes down do sex-ed at school, I always had the impression that one time without protection and BOOM you were pregnant. If only that were the case Tongue Out

Charting does help, but then you have perfect timing and a BFN arrives…..frustrating. I have only been TTC for 3 months, and feel the same way, so don’t worry.

I am really trying to relaxxxx as much as possible. I am thinking of taking up Yoga….stress really really doesn’t help. We have to remind ourselves of this all the time. I really don”t want BDing to be a chore either, I think it’s really important to try and keep it as spontaneous as possible.

I am not the jealous type, so all the pregant people around me I am over-the-moon for but my goodness how I would love for it to be me!

Goodluck! FX for you this month!

Post # 9
770 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@proudcatlady:  I am sorry you’re stressed and we can (almost) all relate – it’s a very annoying time when it doesn’t happen the first time around and being a Type A personality doesn’t help.  I’d love to give you some advice about how I’ve been coping but I can’t.  At CD01 today I just don’t have the positivity in me 🙁  I highly recommend joining the 6+ Month Club – they literally get me day to day when everything looks down.

Also, some people don’t find charting to be helpful.  I don’t chart personally because I work shift work and wouldn’t get a good sample, but some people find it much too consuming.  (hugs!)

Post # 10
6067 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

@proudcatlady:  I don’t have any good advice for you, but I do want to tell you I know how you feel.

I am a very type-A, control freak, list-obsessed type of person. And this process…well, a lot is out of our control. Yes, there is a science to baby making, but it takes hope, faith, and some peace too it seems…

People keep telling me stress can really adversely affect your cycles, so I am trying to find ways to let go of the fear. I am starting yoga tonight…

Sending baby dust your way…

Post # 11
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

omg i know exactly how you feel. Youre right, guys dont get it. Also, its not their body. They dont feel that ‘failure’ feeling that we do. TTC is one of the hardest things you can go through. unless of course you do it on accident like EVERYONE i knew happened to them while i was trying for 12 months! To be honest, I dont know of any coping methods other than to stop looking at the charts. 

I know you have heard it over and over, but its true. You have to stop worrying and then it will happen. I felt like I was trying and trying and was ultimately pushing against the Universal flow. The 12th month was my OMG its been that year mark, this means I officially have fertility problems. I stopped charting out of resentment that month and guess what? I got a bfp!

Looking back now, if I had gotten pregnant all those times I tried SO HARD, It would have been horrible timing. I see now that everything happens for a reason, and having my baby when I did just flowed and worked out perfectly.

I think my worrying and stressing was actually prohibiting my success in concieving. Once I finally calmed down, it happened. Trust me, this was a very hard thing to do. ALL my friends were getting knocked up right in front of me. Effortlessly at that! I even stopped going on FB for months because I couldnt not be jealous. It was ruining my life. 

Hang in there. Try to not chart for like 1 -2 months to try to chill your brain out. It will de-stress you and will make your bady more accepting to spermies. 

Good luck. my heart is with you. I will send out positive vibes your way <3

Post # 12
2197 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

One saying that helps me in general (not just about TTC) is “Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. It empties today of its strength.” – Corrie Ten Boom

I’m on my first round of TTC. While I’m excited and love these boards for information and help with expressing any fears and frustrations, I find them to be scary too. There are so many different situations out there.

We just have to go with it, honestly. I think the more we stress, the worse it is, both physically and mentally. We don’t want it to carry over into our relationships with spouse, family or work.

Good luck and best wishes! Try to relax (I know it’s easier said than done). Focus on taking care of you in the mean time. 

Post # 13
844 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@proudcatlady:  I just wanted to say good luck to you. I am the exact same way of having to be in control of everything and wanting to plan everything down to the “T”. I will only tell you what I did and what helped me. I am not saying do — or don’t do anything.

I was 32 when we started to TTC and like you, I was worried about my age and the fact that I had been on birth control non-stop for 15+ years. I had read the stories of charting, etc…. but I knew that would drive me crazy. So, I decided to get off of the pill and just see what happens. I didn’t want sex with my husband to feel like a “job” So, once I got off the pill we just continued having sex a minimum of 3 days a week. That way I would be convered regardless of when I ovulated. Sometimes when you do all of the things to time your ovulation, you can miss it by getting the time wrong and then you missed your “window”.

I mentally told myself that we would just do what we do for the first 6-7 months and then if nothing happened, we would start checking temp, etc….

I got off the pill the end of April 2012 and we got our BFP on July 8th.

In the end, I just wanted to be stress free (if that was possible) as much as I could.

Again good luck to you….. your time will come 🙂

Post # 15
1654 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

It’s totally normal for you to feel this way… I’m only on our 3rd cycle trying and I feel this way too… It’s really hard, and I’m sorry it’s taking a little while.  For me charting helps, because then I can rationalize my odds (last month we completely missed my FW due to traveling so the BFN was less disappointing–though knowing we missed my FW was a whole other story).  It’s easy to get in the “why does SHE get to be pregnant and have a baby and I can’t”… but that kind of thinking will only hurt more in the long run.  You have to try to be positive.

This cycle I’m taking better care of myself, trying not to get too focused on getting pregnant and reading into EVERY twinge/cramp/sensation and I’m walking, and running again (I took a couple months off), I also started a gentle yoga class… All of this helps me keep my mind off babies.  I just started into my FW, so hopefully I can stay on this path and not get too obsessed.  Good luck!

Post # 16
8667 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m not the best person for words of advice with stress and TTC because I’m TTA and worrying rules my life as it is! My best strategy dealing with stress has been to write lists. Lists of things that are bothering me, and then talking with my DH about getting them taken care of. I treat myself to some dessert, and I take some walks, and I just do what I love. (baking, sewing, reading). The best thing is to say your fears out loud, and you’ve done that. I think that you need to try to get a Doctor to recognize your situation. Maybe there are some other UK bees with recommendations on an RE or just an OB/GYNO that can point you in the right direction?  Maybe your DH needs a Sperm Analysis, maybe you can get an HSG or pelvic ultrasound? Try IUI? Please don’t think it will never happen, and comparing yourself isn’t healthy either, though its completely unavoidable. (believe me I know!). All I can say is ((((HUGS))) hold on, and i second a PP about the 6+ month TTC group. They are wonderful ladies over there!!

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