I'm scared of having kids

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MrsBeck:  I think that if you’re willing to speak regularly with a therapist and possibly agree to medication if needed, there’s no reason for depression to rule your life, or rule your decision whether or not to have kids.  It’s definitely treatable and it sounds like you have the right mindset in wanting to deal with it.  My mother struggled with depression when we were younger, but therapy and medication helped a lot.  She had a few darker periods here and there, but overall, it did not define her life as a wife and mother.

Post # 5
Member
477 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@MrsBeck:  I hear you.  I’m in the same boat as far as suffering bouts of depression and mood swings, and wondering how I’d manage that while providing a stable emotional life for any potential children.

I’ve also just never been the nurturing type, and as I hit my mid-30s, I still haven’t felt any maternal urges.  DH would love to have kids, and I know he’d be an amazing father, but it isn’t a deal breaker for him if we don’t.

Post # 6
Member
919 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MrsBeck:  I don’t really plan on having kids, my depression is one of the main reasons.

 

Post # 7
cherrypieBee
1059 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park

Yes, I have struggle with depression and anxiety since I was 13. There are two things that I find really help me, that I can fall back on when I need them:

1) medication. When I am NOT taking medication, I always feel embarrassed about the thought that I might need to take it. When I get to a point where I need to be on an SSRI (for me, lexapro works well), it’s always a relief to be on it. Realistically, if you have persistent depression, this is an option you should consider. If you had a vitamin D deficiency, you’d take a vitamin, right? You’d treat high cholesterol, right? So why not depression?

Right now, I am off medication, mostly because option 2 worked so well for me. I am also pregnant, and I didn’t want to be on meds while pregnant or nursing. However, I have confidence in the fact that if I NEED IT, there is always a pharmeceutical treatment available to me.

2) meditation. I like to joke that it’s been cheaper and more effective than therapy, but really, mindfulness-awareness meditation is a form of CBT that you implement yourself. It’s more effective if you can learn and practice in a group, like a Shambhala Buddhist center or other place in your area (just google for classes). This type of meditation teaches you to be less attached to and controlled by emotions and more at peace with your life in ways that have a profound effect on anxiety and depression. Once I learned that the Buddhist concecept of “suffering” was akin to anxiety and depression, and that through a meditation practice, my mind didn’t have to rule my day, I was sold. This practice is non-thestic and can be adopted by anyone with any religious affiliation.

Post # 8
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MrsBeck:  Yes, my mother is doing much better now.  When I was younger, it was worse for her but I am 23 now and you’d probably never know that it’s something she deals with.  She no longer sees a therapist, and her low dose meds are enough to keep things “normal.”

Post # 9
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@MrsBeck:  I have 2 kids and suffer from anxiety and depression. My depression didn’t rear its head until my oldest was about a year old and I was having chronic back pain (she was a 9 lb 10 oz baby!). My daughter is now 13 and I am still on meds. Some people ask why I don’t wean myself off, and my answer is usually that I just don’t want to. I hate that I depend on my meds, but I do. Accepting my depression has also helped. FI knows that sometimes I am just going to cry and be irritable – it doesn’t last long, but I just need to get it out. 

I did not suffer any post-partum with my oldest, but I think I did with my second child. She was a cranky baby and I cried more than usual. The good news is that I have 2 beautiful daughters who tend to help my depression more than harm it. Having a good support system really helped me as well. 

And believe it or not, some times the distraction of the kids doesn’t leave time for me to be down for too long.

Post # 10
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@MrsBeck:  I am a total 100% believer that depression is manageable. It does not have to control your life. It doesn’t even have to play a huge part.

I had a rough childhood and as a result, some kind of traumatic teenage years. I spent time in therapy, psych wards, on meds, off meds. I was a general mess. I thought I’d just ‘grow out of it’ one day but I didnt. So I worked throuugh it.

It takes a lot of years, and a lot of self training and a lot of will power. But you can come out on the other side, armed with tools and skills to manage those ugly rears. It gets better. 

I never wanted kids, not even when I was a kid. But I do now. I know that myself and FI have enough love to give a child and we will get through everything else.

I do think it’s important to figure out yourself first too. Kids can come when you’re ready for it.

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