I'm SICK OF SUCKING IT UP. Tell the sister in law to 'suck it up' for once.

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

FedUpWithThis:  Right now you are really angry and get that but if you do anything in anger it won’t end well.

First off giving your mom a card and saying from your daughter isn’t wrong. The favourite part may have been a bit annoying but since she is married to your brother, yip she can be considered family and a daughter to your mom. Sorry but I think you are over reacting on that one based on how you feel about her.

Changing the cake, yip that was shitty but annoucing it at your birthday to me isn’t a huge deal. Everyone was together, it was a happy moment. The changing of the cake was wrong though. But again, I think if there are a lot of actions here which are adding up to you boiling over.

I don’t think her naming her daughter after you is going to take away from you. Mind you, next time it is brought up I would make a fuss over how nice it is for them to name her after you and how it is such an honour etc etc. It will either drive her nuts or force her to say somethinf really rude in front of family.

And I am going out on a limb here saying your brother probably doesn’t stand up for you because he knows you don’t like her. Honestly try the killing her with kindness approach. Works way better in the long run because face it she isn’t going anywhere.

Post # 5
Member
583 posts
Busy bee

FedUpWithThis:  Changing your cake? Yes, she’s terrible. I hope she changes her ways.

Post # 6
Member
494 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

She’s an alpha and you’ve been assigned the beta role. Tell her how HONORED and HAPPY you feel about the special connection you and the baby will now have. If you want it about you, start making it all about you.

 

I would have scraped her name off my birthday cake or cut her slice by slicing through her name on purpose (I’m in a blitchy mode right now)

 

I really don’t like your SIL. I hope the venting has helped!

 

 

Post # 7
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Kill it with kindness.

 

Be overly sweet and kind to her, tell her how much you love the fact that she’s named the baby after you, that it’s such an honour. Buy her a card ”To my favourite sister” on her Birthday, compliment her hair.. you can do it all slightly sarcastically, but only slightly.. so that if she calls you out on it you can get defensive and tell her how you genuinely meant it.

I dunno.. that’s what I’d do. Try and find your inner confidence – You are your parents daughter and no number of ‘favourite daughter’ cards to your Mum is ever going to change that 🙂

So don’t worry… just hold your head high, be sweet and take the high road..

Post # 8
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee

FedUpWithThis:  this sucks! It also really annoys me when people refuse to take sides where by doing nothing they are in fact taking a side because they are condoning the behaviour of the person who is doing something wrong. 

ETA: In most situations I think not taking sides is the best way but not in case like this where it sounds like one person is behaving badly and the other just defending themselves

Post # 9
Member
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

FedUpWithThis:  Oh my gosh, she sounds like a complete nightmare! I cannot believe that she thought the birthday situation was anywhere near appropriate, and I’m sorry you’re not getting more support from your family.

It sounds to me like she’s always going to be a difficult so-and-so to deal with, but that at the moment there’s a certain dynamic that makes it so much more uncomfortable and frustrating from you. I can imagine that in the future when you have your non-cheating dream partner (aka your Mum’s new favourite son), these situations will be much easier to deal with. To have a partner who gets it and who you can roll your eyes at over the dinner table makes these things seem a lot less important.

Sometimes we just need someone who understands. I do, but I’m sorry that’s probably not much comfort. Just try to keep in mind that although she may always be there, things likely won’t always be this difficult. Try to keep your head up, and for the love of god do try and get yourself a  promotion at work or at least knocked up just in time for her birthday…. 😉

Post # 11
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

FedUpWithThis: Anther suggestion from me – have a heart-to-heart with your parents and tell them how bad you are feeling. Explain everything that you’ve just explained to us, to them. And ask them to reassure you that they will always love you more, because you’re their daughter, etc. Make them understand that you need their support.

Post # 13
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

fedupwiththis: The thing is, she’s being a bully. This is the reaction that she wants you to have, so you having this reaction to her is just giving her what she wants.

That’s why being kind and confident in her presents will ‘kill’ her, because she’ll lose all her ammunition. She’s obviously insecure and lacking in confidence herself, that’s why she’s even trying to take your place in the first place.

So the best thing you can do is try and feel sorry for her, let her know that you’re 100% confident in your place as the family daughter, and that there’s no way she can push you out of the way no matter how hard she tries. That’s what’s meant by ‘taking the high road’. The high road means that you’re way above her and unthreatened by her, and can be sweet to her.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  amanda3334455.
Post # 14
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

FedUpWithThis:  KIll her with kindness… Believe me it works… When she does that, just say you are so glad you have a sister now and so happy your mom has a second daughter. The nicer you are to her, the harder her behjaviour becomes to ignore. If you are nice to her and she is still a bithc to you, people will notice but instead of them picking up on you hating her, they will pick up on you trying so hard and being met with nastiness.

As to why you should be the nice one, because it reflects well on you and makes her look worse. If nothing else focus on the satisfaction of making her look like a bitch to everyone. Right now your brother can get away with not defending you because you hate her. Take that away and what is he going to do when his sister is being amazingly sweet and trying so hard with his wife who treats her terribly.

I know it will be hard to do but you need to play the long game. Right now you are playing the short game, hoping she will go away. She won’t. So play for the long haul. Play the game that shows you have self-respect and are a loving caring person. In the end, make it about you. Make it about you being the loving sister in law.

Post # 15
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

I was right with you feeling bad for you until you wound yourself up so much that by the end of your message, you were being quite irrational, which won’t help your cause.

I’d stop calling the baby “stupid”. It’s not their fault and they are your neice or nephew. You could lose all contact with a significant blood relative if you don’t find a way to calmly handle this. You’re clearly a strong woman – you managed to leave a cheating fiancé when we read so many women asking for advice because they want to stay. Good on you! Use that strength to find a way to talk to your family, including her to find a solution to this. Good luck!

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