I'm so broody but husband doesn't want any more

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

It sounds like his aversion to another child is primarily financial.  Does he have a point?  If he does, can you do things to decrease the financial impact (get a part-time job, wait a few extra years, downsize, etc)?

I know it’s easy to want another baby (I’m due any day with my third), but it sounds like he has some very real concerns about how that will impact your lives.

Post # 4
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

Can you explain why you really want more kids? It sounds like you just have that feeling… but maybe you need to take a close look at why you’re feeling this way. Babies are only babies for so long, so missing having a baby around isn’t really a good enough reason for me unless you can really afford it. I wouldn’t do it unless your husband is on board.. two kids are plenty IMO.. and having to scrape by financially puts a strain on the entire family. Personally I’m having a hard time even imagining having ONE child, so I am finding it a bit hard to relate when you’ve already got two. I would seriously consider your husband’s thoughts… like how bad would that be to be a single mom with three kids?

Post # 5
3128 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

You just got married. Give yourself some time to adjust to married life before you put pressure on your husband or yourself to make another major life change.

Post # 6
5781 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Did you know he felt this way about kids before you married? Did he know how you felt?

Post # 7
3538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

First of all, I’m sorry you feel this way!! I don’t have any kids yet, but I’ve definitely had baby fever for abot 3 years now (I’m 29) so I *sort of* know how you feel! 

Secondly, is he serious is saying that he would leave you if you “fell” pregnant again? I mean, you don’t get pregnant on your own, and if he really means that, I’d have to re-evaluate my marriage.

Lastly, the best advice I can give is to just enjoy your kids now…it seems as though having another is out of the question and you definitely don’t want to look back and say you missed things in their childhood because you were too upset over not being able to have a third child. 

Good luck to you! 

Post # 9
5781 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

@MissCountryGirl727:  The term “fell pregnant” is used in some countries the same way the term “got pregnant” in the US. It doesn’t really imply that the OP’s husband is saying she’d be getting pregnant on her own and wouldn’t share responsibility (maybe he does mean that after all, but you shouldn’t automatically assume that).

Post # 10
4474 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

While I’m not saying you should force your husband into having more kids if he doesn’t want them, it’s pretty extreme for him to say that he would leave you if you fell pregnant (or that you’d be on your own). Especially because accidents can happen for some, even if it most likely won’t. 

Now, as to actual advice for you, I think that you should really slow down and live in the moment with the children you do have. You already have two kids, which is quite a blessing, and since you have had a struggle after having them, I think you should just try and enjoy their childhood while they are young. Having another baby will not make up for the loss of memory of your son’s babyhood.

Post # 11
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Mrsdickinson:  If your depression was really bad after your son, maybe your husband does not want to see you go through that again.

Post # 12
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

One or both of you could change your minds in the next year or two (or five!)

I wouldn’t worry too much.

Post # 13
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

This makes me sad.  You’ve been married a week.  Please try to enjoy that instead of moving onto the next thing already.

Post # 14
3476 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You are very young – I know that this would mean an age gap between siblings, but you have a LOT of time to figure this out.  Relax and enjoy the two you have now.

Post # 15
5905 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Mrsdickinson:  …well, you’ve listed his reasons for not wanting another, what are your reasons for having one more?  Is it just because things were so hard right after your second arrived that you’re looking to recapture that feeling or make up for it?  Either way, there’s never an ending and final word on anything in marriage, you’re supposed to be a team and phrases like:

“You’re on your own”

“That’s my final word on the matter”

& “Because I said so”

Just don’t cut it….if you can let the dust settle and come to your husband with a more solid argument other than, I’m sad and this will make me happy…he’s likely to be more amenable

Post # 16
2516 posts
Sugar bee

@Mrsdickinson:  I think you should focus on raising the children you already have. Your reasons for wanting more don’t seem mature and well-reasoned to me. You really shouldn’t be having more children to satisfy your own personal emotional need to enjoy a child’s baby years. Can you fulfill that need by offering to babysit for your friends’ babies? That want you won’t be saddled with post-partum depression and the financial burden that comes with having another child.

I agree with your husband in that having additional children stretches resources thin, which is something to consider. What you would be able to provide for two children decreases when you have a third. Perhaps he just wants to maintain a certain lifestyle for your family that can’t be provided with more children. Do you work? If so, will your earning potential increase over time to meet the financial needs of additional children?

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