- 8 years ago
So, FI and I put down our deposit on Saturday for our site. It’s a bit unconventional – a college campus – ceremony in their chapel/interfaith center and reception in nearby covered courtyard (cocktail hour) and reception in their main dining hall area. FI and I both think the space is lovely – the campus is beautiful and we love the architecture. He loved the fact we could have the ceremony and reception at one location (no driving between events). I loved the fact an onsite coordinator came with the place (and she was the onsite coordinator for my best friend’s wedding 6 years ago at another location), all rentals included (tables, chairs, linens, serve-ware) and zero cleanup other than tearing down centerpieces and whatever else we bring in. Ample room for our guest list, dancing, etc. We get to provide the alcohol and there are no minimums. Oh, and it’s a decent facility rental fee.
I was SO excited after we did it and feeling great about this huge step in the process – so, I decided to share it with my mom, sister and her husband and my nephew. I took them to the campus on Sunday so they could see it. In a nutshell, they hated it. They felt the chapel was funky (it’s not a traditional looking chapel, it’s modern with a circular center). What I hadn’t noticed before was that a lot of the pews were really worn down (we are talking, tears in the seat fabric with the foam coming out of them). The chapel has pretty stained glass, but some of the pictures in the stained glass were a bit odd (I noticed this too, at first, but overlooked it for the things I did like), and there was a fairly large section of a wall when you first entered (toward the back of the chapel) that had some significant water damage (paint bubbling).
They liked the reception area much better (except for the chairs in the outdoor area) – which I wasn’t crazy about either, but for FREE and not needing to rent or pay for nicer chairs, they were perfectly fine with me.
So, even though I told them we put down our deposit, etc. they kept suggesting other things to me. My sister went so far as to ask how many places I had looked at. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!? She knows I’m an event planner at heart. I’ve been looking at all sorts of places for years!! She kept suggesting I hold it at my alma matter (1 1/2 hours away) or at the beach (FI and I both ruled that out early, we are not beach people). They suggested different places the entire ride back to my mom’s house, and I kept telling them the reasons that the places they suggested were not options for us. My nephew (he’s 12 going on 50) went so far as to say it was horrible choice and I shouldn’t do it there. I woke up this morning to emails from both my sister and brother in law – one with a link to wedding locations and the other to a specific site.
I get that they were trying to be helpful, but it ended up being so hurtful. At one point I told them, maybe you two should have a vow renewal so you can plan.
I finally told them “well, I’m sad you didn’t like the place, but I hope you’ll come and try to enjoy yourselves”.
When I told FI about it later that evening, he was so funny because before I even said anything, he saw the look on my face and pretended to be them being big complainers. Talking to him made me feel much better and solidified the fact that it was OUR decision (not my family’s – he and I are paying for it), but after a restless night’s sleep and still feeling sad this morning, thought I’d reach out to the hive for support.
I know everyone will have something negative to say about the wedding – I just wasn’t expecting it SO SOON!!!!! And from my family, no less! It makes me want to shut down and not tell them anything else about the planning process and be snarky about it to them… but I don’t want to go that route, just because my feelings were hurt….. aye.