I'm so hurt. My bridesmaid backed out

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 4
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

It sounds like she didn’t really think it through before she said yes. It’s an exciting thing to be asked to be in a wedding but it takes so much to successfully go through with it. In the long run I would be happy that she backed out because the pressure and stress would mount as time goes on.

It was definitely a bad move and I would be upset but ask to speak to her about it in person. I hope it doesn’t ruin a good friendship!

Post # 5
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

Do you think there are issues with her husband in all of this?   Do you think he might be involved in what is going on?

Post # 6
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@kanneb:  How in God’s name do you know they aren’t hurting for money? How much is in their bank account? What present and future expenses do they have? Do you have any CLUE how expensive it is to raise a child in this day and age and then you want to suggest that she leave her BABY with some stranger babysitter? In a day when child molesters and child abusers are everywhere?

The bitch in me wants to tell you to send her a copy of this post so that she’ll save even more money by not buying a plane ticket. The cost of a dress could be a couple of cases of formula, a couple of cases of diapers, a medical bill or two or some padding for an emergency fund. Being in a wedding is NOT just buying a dress. It’s buying a dress, getting your hair and nails done, buying a gift, according to some of you on here it’s contributing to showers, transportation, hotel (if necessary), food, etc. It costs A LOT to be part of a wedding and even more when you have to travel to one.

It BURNS ME UP to see these posts where brides start to count other people’s money. How rude and insensitive can you be? She’s had a baby and that’s a HUGE adjustment for a new parent and you, as her friend are more concerned about her reasoning behind not being in your wedding instead of saying… I’m so sorry you can’t be in the wedding, but your presence means more than anything.

 

Post # 9
Member
6505 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

How do you know they aren’t hurting for money? I really dislike seeing posts on here where people assume they know other’s financial status.

I also don’t think it was bitchy of her (as a PP suggested). It sounds like she has a lot on her plate and maybe just jumped the gun saying yes. I can understand being a bit hurt but it’s probably less stress for you in the long run.

If she isn’t in the wedding party it is probably easier for her to bring her kid along (even if the kid doesn’t come to the actual wedding) because she will be able to watch her for more time as opposed to doing stuff for the wedding all day.

I don’t think her leaving a voicemail is really all that bad. It’s a lot better than a text or email! Now, if she doesn’t answer when you call back or seems to be avoiding you I think that might be an issue…

Post # 10
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

The extra dress cost- a dress pales in comparison to a plane ticket.  And while I’m not one to say you should dictate what someone does with their money, but I wioild question something like this, and maybe drop a comment that it’s ok if money is tight and can’t come.

I hate suggesting this, but could you offer to help with the dress?

Childcare- now really, I don’t see the big deal in this.  I think a MIL/babysitter duo is excellent.  Not sure why this is an issue, unless either the MIL is a horrible person or they really can’t afford it (bringing me back to point one about the plane ticket, and maybe she’s better off staying home).

My guess is she’s either broke, trying to guilt you to let her bring her kid, or her husband “won’t allow it.”

Invite her, but don’t plan on her attendance.

Post # 12
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I noticed that you mentioned her MIL, so I’m assuming that the father is her husband and that he is involved. I may have missed it, but does she not trust him to watch the baby? If it was my best friend, or even a close friend really, I would be 100% fine going to a wedding myself. 

It really sounds like there’s something else going on. I don’t buy the childcare story.

Post # 13
Member
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@kanneb:  Chill out. It’s not like she waited until the last minute to tell you. People have lives outside of your wedding and plans change, especially if a child is involved. Hate to break this to you but her kid takes priority over your wedding and you can’t be upset with her for that. Be thankful she let you know this early in advance. She doesn’t owe you an explanation. Move on and enjoy your wedding without her in your bridal party.

Post # 15
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

@kanneb:  He doesn’t like doing baby stuff…

Yep.  That just screams supportive husband of the year award.  I would bet money that he’s influencing her decision in some way.

Post # 16
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@kanneb:  it stinks that your friend can’t be in your wedding, but I think you need to respect her wishes.  Especially since her baby can’t come, she might need to have the ability to run out and breastfeed/soothe the baby/skip the wedding entirely if the baby is sick and can’t fly etc.

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